Monday, September 25, 2006

New stuff to discuss!

Before I start, I'd like to say that I got a laptop and am taking full advantage of it right now by watching PTI and blogging - life is good.
Anyway, it's story time.
Friday, 4:30 p.m. My weekend starts by getting a ride to Canton where Arielle's mom was to pick us up around 7:15...she showed at about 8:10.
Friday, 9:15 p.m. Back to Arielle's house where my mom picks me up to go home and finally eat something.
Friday, 10:15 p.m. I leave my house to go pick up Carly to go watch a movie at Arielle's but I can't get a hold of her.
Friday, 10:45 p.m. I've been circling Chesterland wasting time waiting for Carly to call me back...I eventually decide to man up and just pull into her driveway.
Friday, 11:00 p.m. A confused Carly Konieczny meets me at her door, wondering why she didn't recieve any of my roughly 10 phone calls - there was no reason to miss any of them.
Friday, 11:15-1:30 Saturday. Hanging out at Arielle's watched some of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - not bad. Gene Wilder was a better character, I thought, and I realize they weren't supposed to be the same type of role, I just liked the orig. better.
Saturday, 3:00 a.m. I finally go to bed - not really sure what happened between 1:30 and 3:00 other than taking Carly home...I'll regret this tomorrow.
Saturday, 8:45 a.m. I'm awake and getting ready to go to Michigan State for the Notre Dame game...pretty jacked.
Saturday, 10:10 a.m. Finally get on the road, vague directions in hand, Katy's probably gonna be annoyed when I have to call to get the specific directions in East Lansing...oops.
Saturday, 2:25 p.m. Getting off of what was the wrong freeway in East Lansing, getting tricky directions from Katy who, not surprisingly, was a little annoyed by the fact that I left the real directions on my school computer.
Saturday, 2:45 p.m. Welcoming myself to Katy's apartment - nice place. Katy immediately starts arranging the futon for napping and/or sleeping - what a gal.
Saturday, 3:00 p.m. Take Arielle over to Julie Bucklan's dorm, leave my car there and get Julie's ID so I can get my ticket at the gate...it's a good feeling.
Saturday, 4:00 p.m. Back to Katy's, sit around talking to her and her roommate Liz - who was delightful, by the way - for about an hour. I'm consciouly putting off sleep because it was just good company.
Saturday, 5:00-6:15 p.m. I nap.
Saturday, 7:00 p.m. I'm wide awake and instead of giving me directions, St. Katy gives me a ride to the stadium and points me to the student entrance...I'm ecstatic.
Saturday, 7:45 p.m. I've been getting the "asshole" chant numerous times, but managed to find a few Irish fans in the process. We're in our seats and are being surrounded by MSU fans - after all, it's their student section.
Saturday, 8:10 - 10:30 p.m. This game sucks.
Saturday, 10:45 p.m. I moved to the ND student section in the 2nd quarter, and we're all discussing how we've still got hope, despite being down 37-21 at the beginning of the 4th quarter. By the way, biblical rains just started.
Saturday, 11:05 p.m. It has taken 12 minutes to get the game clock from 12:00 left to 11:27 left. The whole time it's been raining sideways. And I do mean sideways, it's cold and windy.
Saturday, 11:15 p.m. ND scores and makes it a game again, 37-27, and we're starting to feel like we can do this. As if our emotional high isn't getting high fast enough - fate proves that momentum is swinging our way because someone in the parking lot starts blasting off fireworks after the ND touchdown. Freakin sweet, we cheer for the mystery man in the parking lot.
Saturday, 11:30 p.m. The most incredible comeback in the history of my life has just been capped off by a 30 yard Terrail Lambert pick-6 to put the Irish up 40-37 with under 2 minutes left. Mayhem is taking place in the ND student section right now, and I'm a part of it...this is too good to be true.
Saturday, 11:35 p.m. Did Terrail Lambert pick that off?? The referree begins to speak about the call, and all 80,000 fans in attendance are dead silent...no one knows what to expect...which way will it go?
.......INTERCEPTION!!! 24 SECONDS LEFT, THE NEW RETARDED CLOCK RULES MAKE IT SO WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO KNEEL!! ND WINS!!
Saturday, 11:36 p.m. Beauty in its truest form. The most improbable of improbables is done. ND came back, we won, we've done it, high fives, hugs, screams, all of it.
Saturday, 11:40 p.m. No one in the ND fan section has left yet. 90% of MSU's fans are gone...rightfully so. Now begins the coolest thing I've ever done: The student section puts their arms around each other as the football team stands in our corner of the field...the band strikes up, and all of the Notre Dame faithful sing the Alma Mater...a thing of beauty. As soon as we finish screaming the final line of "Love thee Notre Dame," the fight song starts up, and we keep right on rolling with the song - screaming the lyrics and dancing like madmen on the soaking wet stairs/bleachers...not a safe practice, but who cares.
Sunday, 12:00 a.m. I'm finally leaving the stadium, one of the final people to exit...I don't want it to end. I make my way slowly across campus hearing plenty of comments from the MSU fans, and plenty of good comments from the ND fans...I love this.
Sunday, 12:45 a.m. I'm back to my car - which had the parking lights on this entire time - and about to head back to Katy's to wind down the most incredible night of my life...nothing is going to take me down from this high; and to top it off, my car started!

stay tuned, I'll bring more news soon of the rest of the night trying to pull me back to reality, and how Katy was the best hostess ever.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Bengals Fan Club, Est. 2004

I'm not here to complain about how awful the Browns looked. I'm not going to say that we should have beaten the Bengals. I'm not even going to waste my time getting mad at Braylon Edwards dropping 4 out of 7 passes to him today. However, I am going to get mad at Bengals "fans."
I spent the first half of today's game at a friend's apartment full of Browns fans. Needless to say, we talked about all sorts of things regarding the Browns, Bengals, blowjobs, and football. At one point we got to talking about how much Cincinnati fans piss us off. One of my colleagues was in class the other day when their professor - a known Browns supporter - asked the students to raise their hands if they were Bengals fans. After an ample number of students obliged and raised their hands, he followed up with "OK, now how many of you would have raised your hands 5 years ago?" Dear readers, as you might imagine, my first-hand witness stated that approximately half of those hands went down.
Really...I knew there were fans like that, everyone knows that fair-weather fans exist, but how can Cincinnati fans be so ridiculously gay as to openly admit that they are this type of person? Why would you openly say, "yes, I only support them because they're winning. I didn't like them when they sucked, and I won't like them the next time they suck."
The audacity of these cock-suckers blows me away. The reason us Browns fans hate the Bengals so much is that us Browns fans exist. When the Bengals sucked, they didn't have fans. We suck, and we still have die-hard fans who live and (more often) die with this team's successes and (more often) failures.
I love this team. No doubt about it, I love the Cleveland Browns.
We're one of the worst teams I've ever seen, but that doesn't shake my allegiance in the least. It hurts my pride, but I could never root for anyone else.
Sure, someday it'll come around that the Bengals will suck and the Browns will be a good team; and just like that, the Browns fan numbers will balloon and people will probably say the same thing about us. But let it be known, my friends, that this fan, and all of the friends he holds dear have and always will be loyal supporters of what is currently one of the worst franchises in sports.
Go ahead - 10 years from now I want you to tell me that we're all fair-weather supporters, we're not true fans - I dare you. I'll come right back with tales of making a trip to Cincinnati to watch the Browns get beaten by those jump-start faggoty Bengals because I loved that team enough to make the trip from that little school in southern Ohio. I'll tell you about how I sought out the local Browns Backers bar wherever I was if the Browns were not carried on the local cable provider.
So to you, fair-weather Bengals fans...please, remember this day.
Remember the days when you guys were good and you liked the Bengals. Remember them, because when I see you switching over and wearing a Browns jersey somewhere down the road, I will rip it off of your back and tell you to go fist your dad's asshole because you're a faggot.
Browns fan for life; win or lose. Fuck you if you're not.

P.S. If you've been a Bengals fan through-out the 90s, and have some kind of proof of it, I salute you. There is mutual respect between those true fans and the true fans of the current Browns because we each know what the other has been through. That's not to say that we'd get along, but we have that certain level of sympathy.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Dear Michelle Wie,

Congratulations on making the cut at the 84 Lumber Classic this weekend. This marks the first time in your 6 attempts at a men's PGA tournament event that you made the cut; time to celebrate! Your impressive putting and length off of the tee helped you widdle your way through the larger and stronger men on tour on your way to a +2, 74 in round 2 Friday - very impressive young lady! And to think only 16 years young! I've been hearing the negative press about how some of the sports-writers around the country think you're being ridiculous by playing on the men's tour...boy, they'll be embarassed after Sunday - you've already made the cut, there's no stopping you now! By Sunday, I'd venture a guess and say that you'll be used to the course enough to maybe post par, if not under. What a gal!
I know people are talking their smack, but seriously, how many average club players around the country can shoot like you can out there??
Wait...
Sportscenter's on...
What's that?
+14?
Wie finished dead last?
Oh my...


Allow me to re-iterate.
Dear Michelle Wie,
You suck, please stop playing on the men's tour where you're 0 for 6 making cuts. Today you finished last in a field of over 100 players. Not only that, they were all men, and you're a girl who has never won a tournament on the women's tour, let alone the men's. Yeah, you're 16, and that's impressive that you're really good, but if your'e gonna be playing with the big boys (or women) then you're going to have to win to impress me. Tough break sucking out there.
Sincerely,
Kevin Nye.

Monday, September 11, 2006

NFL is back!

And the Browns still suck. That's really all I'm going to say about the game. For in-depth grading of our main players, see Coke's blog.
In other news, Notre Dame whooped ass. God I love them.
As for baseball, Big Daddy Haf is out for the rest of the season with a broken bone in his hand, so he'll be hanging out with me a lot more, so look forward to part 2 of our fictional interview coming your way soon. In case you missed part 1, here's the link to that: http://kevinnye.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_kevinnye_archive.html and it's the 3rd one down.
That's all I have right now, I'll be back...bitches.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

More Musings

First of all, after these next couple tidbits about life, I'm thinking maybe I should change the name of the blog to "Life's Little Musings." Any thoughts?
Well, here are my 2 main stories...
First of all, I was told to give a shout-out to Mike Eppich and I wasn't really sure how to do it in a cool way...so here's the story he told me:
so today in spanish my friend was told to read a paragraph that contained "los estados unidos."
he fucked up
and said
"los estados unegros"
followed by what I (nye again) can only imagine as hysterical laughter with every re-telling of the story. So that was my shout out and story # 1.
Number two is far more bizarre.
In my e-mail yesterday I received a letter from someone who I had purchased a book online from. It was a very archaic letter, like 2 sentences long, not really anything interesting...until I noticed that for some reason, the sponsored link (which always appears across the top of GMail, for those who don't know) was for the Comfort Clean Bidet. So needless to say, I was all over that link for a couple of reasons. First of all, I had no idea of the proper spelling of the word bidet (those things that clean out your ass, if you didn't click the link) and second of all...it was a link to a bidet site!
So as if that wasn't enough (I could have sworn it was, but things just keep getting funnier in my life), upon my arrival to the site, I browsed the front page for the information on these bidets, and bidet/toilet combos...what to my wondering eyes should appear? A free gift, of course!
Before I tell the punch line here...I'll allow the reader a moment to wonder what could possibly be the free gift included with a bidet. Sticking with cleansing, could it be a douche? Might it be toilet paper or reading material? Might it be a towel to dry off your asshole?
Don't be ridiculous, my friends...the correct answer was, of course, a blood pressure monitor.
http://www.comfortclean.us in case you were curious.
I'll say it again...the best things in life really are free.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Life's little pleasures.

Upon my departure from that other school I went to, I realized that I'd miss some little things...such as the handicap-accessible shower on Russel 2nd floor, despite the fact that there were no wheel-chair ramps or elevators to get to the 2nd floor.
So imagine the flood of emotions that came over me today when I left my philosophy class (which was messed up, for what it's worth) and walked past a building - the name of which I do not know - and saw the following setup.
A set of cement stairs, roughly 8 inches high per stair, 6 steps, with a hand-rail on each side, the stairs roughly 4 feet wide. Perhaps a touch wider than that because I'd say 2 people could walk side by side up these stairs. On the outside of the rails, there were bushes, just to make sure there was no other way of getting to the top of these stairs. Now, at the top of the stairs was a door: a very standard door, much like a front door of a house. A single door, wooden, perhaps, with a simple handle...nothing unusual about the door.
Ready for the clincher?
On the left side of the door, at the top of the stairs was the old fail-safe...the Wheel-chair Accessible, "Push to Open" button.
I'll let that one sink in for a minute. In fact, go back and read it again, make sure you got that...at the top of the stairs...on the brick-wall side of the building, less than 3 feet from the door itself...right there, perched on the wall, was the most unbelievable thing I'd seen in ages.

Boy...I guess it's true what they say, the best things in life really are free.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Day 2 (in a row)

So, day 2 here was more my kind of day, and much more like the title of this blog. I woke up to Lee and Kirk making their predictions for all of the important games, followed by the UM/Vandy kickoff...life was good.
Anyway, kinda hung out watching football all day, roomie #1 moved in, Chris, that went well. Then I pretty much kept sitting around watching football. Went to wal-mart and dinner with Arielle and her mom...
wait
am I writing my life story? Is anyone still reading?
Why would anyone care that I did nothing all day?
Michigan won, OSU rolled, ND looked shittier than a fat man's skivvies in the first half but pulled out a win. That's what today was like...god...what got into me?
In other news, as you well know, college football season means betting season. I've been told that my nickle and dime style of betting is really pointless since I'd have to win like 5 bets in a row to make enough money to get a meal...of food. So, keeping that in mind, and also keeping in mind that I had roughly $10 left in my betting account (since like 5 or 8 or something is still in for the Tribe to win the AL Central and the World Series...which would make me like $50, but I digress) I threw down a couple bucks on a parlay for Thursday games. After winning that, I had like $18 or something, so I put $4 into a no-doubter parlay, $5 on USC to cover a 9 pt. spread, and then Saturday at 1, I did a $3 tough parlay.
Your man Flav here did his shit. after putting $12 down, I'm up to $37 in my account after today. Go big or go home...or something like that.
Today was pretty sweet, as far as the sports world goes. Kevin Kouzmanoff, who has been brought to my attention far too often by a guy whose name starts with R and ends with yan Jensen, entered his place in history today after hitting a grandslam in his first major league at-bat...kudos to him for that, that's cool.
Not to mention the Tribe won.
USA lost, still don't wanna talk about it.
Browns start next week...I'm way more than ready. Bring it on, you sunzabitches.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

so it begins.

Well, here I am, OU.
I'm pretty much only writing becuase I have nothing better to do, and I've discovered that when there's nothing to do but write, you tend to write your best things.
To say I've got mixed emotions on OU is like saying Hitler did a couple bad things...point being that it's a complete understatement. For instance, every single person I caddied for who asked where I was going to school responded to my "OU" answer by making some off-hand comment about how we're the biggest party school or some shit like that. Since I think everyone who reads this knows me and realizes that I don't drink, they might be able to see why that bothers me.
On the other hand, I'm coming from Marietta College - Hell's Kitchen, as I like to call it - so I know things can't be any worse than they were there.
Of course, that was before I moved into my sardine can of a dorm room. This son of a bitch is so damn small that if anything went on the floor in the middle of the room (as it's currently arranged) you could play "the floor is lava" all day long without any problem, because there's simply no floor-space.
Furthermore, no one has bothered to figure out the internet "hub" situation so that's a drag. As of right now, if my other 2 roommates were here, only one of us could use the internet.
But enough of that bullshit, let's get back to the fact that this blog is supposed to be partially sport-themed. What the hell, USA? Did we really get our asses handed to us by the Greeks? In the words of Raddimus in "Waiting..." ....c'mon. I don't know, I don't like it at all.
Anyway, I'm wasting time not doing anything interesting or worth mentioning, and Conan's about to start, which means that I'm gone for now.
I'll be updating much more often considering I'm at school and I'll be bored a lot...not to mention that it's not like I have enough room to sit anywhere but in front of the computer.