Makes you wonder...

OCD? ...I Disagree

2011-07-26T01:13:00.003-04:00

Hey friends. I know I haven't written in a while, but something has been irking me lately.

I was walking down the street and counting my steps between cracks in the pavement because I inherently prefer them to be an even number when I remembered something: That behavior is obsessive-compulsive.
While I do think that the behavior of people with OCD is fascinating, and to some degree completely mesmerizing, it's got nothing to do with what I want to call to attention here.

A ton of people have obsessive compulsive traits, whether it's hand-washing, putting on clothing in a certain order, or refusing to walk out a different door that you walked in (I think there's a silly sex joke in here somewhere, I'm just not gonna go for it right now), and all these things are fine by me.

But here's what gets me.

Some of you assholes will compulsively do something in front of me and then apologize and say "Ugh, sorry, I'm really OCD."

No you're not.
You are not Obsessive-compulsive Disorder.
You may have tendencies relating to it or have symptoms of the disorder, but you are not a disorder.
Stop being dumb.
Learn to use words.

Of course, maybe this is all a compulsion of mine, but if you take issue with that, kindly shut up.

Dicey Subject

2010-12-27T21:48:00.003-05:00

I am apparently really bad at keeping on topic with my other blog. That is to say, I'm bad at keeping it as a blog that documents my life as it pertains to trying to break into the world of comedy, acting, and/or entertaining. I think it's got a bigger audience than this one (twice the number of Blogger.com followers as this one...both in single digits. Baller-status), so I tend to write things in there that belong in this blog. This one is supposed to be my musings on life. So that's what this is gonna be.

I read an article last week, sent to me by my friend Jen (over at http://jenniterjackon.wordpress.com) and written by Ricky Gervais about how he doesn't believe in God. Not a matter of not believing, but more matter-of-factly stating that there isn't a god. I'll get back to this in a moment.

Upon leaving home after Christmas I brought a few books back with me, two of which are nonfiction short-story collections from college. One of which has a couple written by a professor I had, but that's not the point. The point is that I just picked a random story and read it. It was basically about the writer abandoning faith in religion and how it crushed her mother but made her feel a better understanding of the world.

It's pretty clear that religion has a huge hold on American society, as well as it does the rest of the world. I'm not interested in debating the merits of religion, those of you who know me know that I'm not a church-goer and don't really care either way if you are, so don't bother thinking about that.

Instead, think about how many articles and books you've heard of in the realm of popular writing, whatever that means to you. A decent amount of books, it can be argued, are either straightforward books about religion (see: the always-massive religion section at bookstores) or thinly veiled books about religion (see: Narnia and the like). Religious writing is generally a big deal; if it is well written, it becomes an important piece of religious literature (again, go to the religion section and look at how they've all won awards).

So on the flip side, why is it always note-worthy when someone writes about a disbelief in God/religion?

I don't have an answer for this but it's endlessly fascinating. Some of the greatest minds in our world right now do not believe in a god or gods. When they write about it, it's gripping. Is it possible that, if they wrote it well-enough, someone could write a novel where the entire point is that there is no god, and this becomes a best-seller - changing the way a reading population views religion?

It's surely been tried, make no mistake of that, but is it possible in a society that is so dependent on religion?

Makes you wonder, right?

Note: I've mentioned before that I have something in mind when I start writing and invariably end up off-topic. This was on-topic, but oh my god...I can't believe how far awry this idea went. I had some really poignant things that I wanted to put in here and virtually none of them made it and now I can't make room for them/remember what they were. Curse you, writing.

Twitter(o) Killed the Blog(eo) Star

2010-04-14T00:54:00.005-04:00

How weird is it to title a blog post after something that is effectively eliminating my post frequency? (not to mention reaching really hard for a Buggles reference)
On a scale of 1-this picture, it's solidly in the Ricky Williams wearing a wedding dress range.
But how did this happen? I originally resisted Twitter...what changed?
Shaq came to Cleveland. That's what changed.
I got on Twitter because I had heard that Shaq would do silly things like give out tickets to fans who found him based on his tweets. I heard he did this kind of thing on a semi-regular basis and I thought it was awesome. Once he was traded to the Cavaliers, I caved. I wanted the chance to be a part of that kind of tomfoolery.
Something happened in the months that followed...I started enjoying the process of tweeting.
It becomes a challenge for me to try to not say incredibly mundane things - or at least not most of the time. I try to be entertaining, although I try to do so without copying anyone else's jokes/style/premises.
As a result of all this, I now tweet a veritable crapload of times per day (I'm guessing close to 10, I don't want to look and find out it's way more than that) about things that I hope other people find interesting. This has killed my blogging.
After spending my entire life being overly wordy and descriptive about everything, Twitter has afforded me the challenge of trying to condense my thoughts into 140 characters despite my habit of using roughly 140 characters in a standard sentence...I've never been a fan of that subject/verb/object/punctuation simplistic bullshit.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that Twitter is a new release for my random thoughts. Instead of expounding on them in a blog entry, I've taken to shrinking them for tweets. It's not good or bad, it just is at this point.
As it stands, Twitter is the sexy mistress to my mildly attractive blog-wife. It's the Sandra Bullock to my tattooed wench.
Wait, what? He was married to Sandra Bullock and banged that fuh-reak?? Is he retarded?? Am I missing something here? Cheated on her (who looks good in nothing-special-about-that-picture pictures) with her. That's a real picture, folks. Seriously, even if you don't click any of the other links here, do that one. It's eye-opening.
Now that, my friends, makes you wonder...

A Moment Like This

2010-02-23T23:01:00.002-05:00

Anytime you can title a blog-post with a Kelly Clarkson song title, it's a good sign. Bonus points when it's actually what you're writing about, too.

The concept is the perfect moment; have you had one?
You might not remember if you have. You might remember having it, but you might not remember who else was involved. You might even remember the situation and how good it felt, but the details are all fuzzy.

Here's my quick explanation of a fictional perfect moment. (please note, fictional)

It's been a bad day. I slept awfully and had to wake up early for something that I didn't want to do. I spent the day with a crippling headache while dealing with problems that were way over my head. Blah blah blah, a bad day.
Then, by chance, I see a girl who is a very good friend.
She walks right up to me and doesn't say hello. She looks at me as she's walking and says "You look like you could use a hug," and proceeds to give the best hug ever.
In the five seconds of hug, all of the problems somehow melt away. Nothing seems important, it just feels incredible to be held by someone and know that they're not letting go until I let go. It's comforting, it's emotionally relieving, it's beautiful. As my mind races a million miles an hour I realize that I'm not in love with the girl, I'm in love with the moment she has provided me.
In this one simple moment that may have meant absolutely nothing to her, my entire mood, day, and emotional stability changed for the better.
How?

...makes you wonder, right?

Also, it doesn't necessarily have to be a hug, that would just be one of the best ways for me to experience it. Another easy way that this moment could happen would be like a commercial: someone inexplicably and unprompted does something nice for you - gives a compliment when you didn't expect it, picks up your tab at dinner, etc.
Incidentally, I remember that happening once a long time ago. I remember someone explaining this concept to me (not quite as wordy or in-depth) even before that, and then thinking about it when I first experienced it. I also know that it has happened at least one other time, but I can't remember what it was...which is odd. It's very thought-provoking in concept and in practice.

I feel like writing

2009-12-03T21:04:00.004-05:00

So don't bother trying to stop me.
I've been thinking about life a lot lately, partly because I don't have a job. By partly, of course, I mean mostly.
Anyway, I've seen some people lately that I hadn't seen in a while, people from various walks of life. Family, friends, siblings of friends, friends of siblings, and so on.
What strikes me is that it's a strange feeling when you realize that you think of someone in a different way than they think of you. For instance, if you were dumped and refuse to accept it, it's a very different relationship from the two sides. If you broke up with someone, but both understood the situation, then that's fine. It's the same situation, but when the points of view are skewed from a central theme, things get screwy.
Recently I ran into someone who I haven't actually talked to in a couple of years. He's a good kid, and will remain completely anonymous throughout this, and I hope neither of the 2 of you who read this will waste much time trying to figure out who it is (there are a couple people who fit the mold, so it's not worth agonizing over). I spoke with him not too long ago. I realized during our conversation that I felt like he had taken a younger-brother role in my life - I have no younger brothers, so it's logical for me - but it seemed pretty clear that he saw me somewhat differently. I'm not sure it was just as a friend, or if it was as someone from his past who he thought fondly of but didn't care much about, or if it was as a family friend...but I am pretty darn sure that he did not think of me as an older brother figure.
I'm not broken up about this incident. I'm not pouting about it or anything of that sort.
But for some reason it has stuck with me and made me wonder how people evaluate relationships through different lenses (so to speak).
It's not the same as liking someone who dislikes you - that's often a lack of communication or the lack of wanting to tell someone off. It's just a strange feeling: we've had the same experiences with each other, but the interactions seem to have had a more profound effect on me than they have on him.
The funny thing is that I'd love to pull him aside and explain all of this, but I don't think it would work on account of: A) not knowing if/when we'll cross paths again, 2) it wouldn't make a lot of sense to him, especially if my hunch regarding his emotions was accurate, and C) let's say he suddenly gets it and breaks down into tears...then what? Perhaps it would turn out really well, perhaps not.
I don't know how all this sounds, but I sort of don't really care. I just wonder about it in general...which ties into the title of this blog.

That thought didn't run quite as long as I expected, but that's OK. I was also thinking about mortality a bit earlier; partly due to the cancer scare my grandfather just had, and partly due to the fact that life and death are kind of a hand-in-hand thing...think about one and you'll inevitably think about the other.
As the saying goes; it's a simple choice...get busy living, or get busy dying.
What will you make of the one wild and precious life you've been given?
You only get one shot at it.
Just stop and think about that for a few minutes.

It is wild. It is precious. Think about the incredible things that have happened to you today. As simple as waking up and seeing the rain fall down today...there are people who can't do that. What you experience on a crappy day could be the most incredible experience of someone else's life.
I'm in a very "don't forget how lucky you are" mood.
I want to get up in front of a crowd and tell people this.
This is part of why I want to be famous. Imagine if a simple lesson like this were read by more than just the 10 or 15 people I might be able to sucker into reading this. What if I had 3,000,000 followers on Twitter and 10% of them read this? Of those 10%, if 1% of those read it and thought "wow...I'm lucky. Life is good. I want to share the literal or metaphorical wealth I've been given with someone," then I'd be thrilled.
But I have a small audience. For now.

Two special shout-outs at the end of this post. First is Lou Cirino, I know you google your name now and then, and this post is partially on account of you. I was thinking about this kind of stuff before you let me borrow "The Winners Manual," and now that I'm reading it, it's just making me want to sit down and write these things. So that's what I'm doing.
Second is tricky: I'm calling myself out. Not a shout-out, per se. I'm calling myself out to get the ball rolling a little faster. I need to stop accepting it if something doesn't go my way. I need to better myself. I can control that. It's not that hard.

Can I just please be famous already?
Someone hire me for a motivational speech.
Especially if you throw out the beginning half of this post.
I'm done now.

Yep

2009-07-30T01:21:00.003-04:00

There are a couple things that I need to get off my chest. The first is a story that I heard on the radio today.
A woman had sex with a man on Friday night. They used a condom. Apparently the condom broke at some point. The woman didn't seem to elaborate much on whether or not the guy got another one or if he just decided to ignore it and keep going. They stop having sex eventually.
The same woman had sex with a different man Saturday. While having sex, the busted condom from the night before FELL OUT OF HER VAGINA. The man stopped and abruptly left. According to the woman, he's interested in forgiving her and has been calling for the last two days.
The radio host had to say "No...there's no way a man will forget having sex with you and having someone else's condom fall out of your vagina. It's not going to happen. Good luck."
There are certain things that words don't really capture...the pure feeling of disgust that man #2 must have felt is one of those things. I imagine he has not been calling her back, and if he has, it's only because he wants to tell the woman that she's what the French call "A huge f'ing tramp."

Thing number two. I heard on the radio that there's a new dating show starting up on Fox (so you know it's classy) where the contestants are regular-person sized instead of incredibly thin/hot like on most reality shows.
I'm OK with loving who you are, I really am. I think I've even blogged on this subject before, but loving who you are does not make it OK to be unhealthy. If you're fat, it's not good for you. I'm sorry. Again, self-confidence is a good thing, but it's a lot easier to be self-confident if you don't look like the offspring of a giant bowling ball and a whale. If you want to embrace your body and love yourself despite your lack of health, you don't have to love yourself for nearly as long.
This country has made a habit of talking about how body images and eating disorders are such a horrible thing, yet we also have the highest rates of obesity in the world...how can that be? An all-or-nothing country, I suppose, but not really in a good way. If you're a girl and you'll never fit into a size 2, that's OK, but it's not OK to be a size 42. Likewise for guys, it's fine to not wear size 30 waist on a pair of jeans, but don't wear size 50 and embrace your life.
I don't really care if this comes off rude, because maybe some unhealthy people need a kick in the ass to realize that it's not OK. If you're loving yourself despite obesity then you're loving your over-worked heart, your clogged arteries, and your increased likelihood of an early death...sounds like a blast!

Don't Get Me Wrong..

2009-06-26T23:30:00.005-04:00

Michael Jackson was a global icon. A legend in the music industry. A once-in-a-lifetime entertainer. A talent like no one has ever seen.
He was also an incredibly odd man. A supposedly repressed 10-year old. A child in almost every sense of the word. A media circus. An unorthodox father (who can forget waving "Blanket" over the balcony in Germany). And he was an alleged child molester (this should be a paragraph in itself: the 1993 sexual abuse situation was out of control. The kid told a psychiatrist and the police that they'd kissed, masturbated together, and performed oral sex, and gave a detailed description of MJ's penis. As a result, a 25 minute strip search was performed on him - the whole thing was filmed and photographed - and they determined that there were strong similarities, but it wasn't an exact match to the description...sounds a little awkward. They ultimately settled out of court to the tune of $22 million. Does an innocent man pay off accusers? You can judge for yourself).

Having said all that...what has he done recently?
He released Invincible in late 2001 to mixed reviews. He waved his child over a fourth story balcony. He was accused of child molestation a second time (he was acquitted on all charges). He fell into a reported 9-figure debt; anywhere from $100 million to $500 million depending on the source. He then hung out in Bahrain for a few years, announced his 50 upcoming shows in London, then died at age 50.
What makes this sad, to me, is that he died at age 50, leaving his children behind.
What makes this awful, to me, is that because he's Michael Jackson, I'm supposed to believe that his death is a much more of a tragedy than the death of Ed Thomas, the Iowa high school football coach who was murdered inside the weight room of his own school on Wednesday.

Michael Jackson was an entertainer. He made people happy by performing. I love that. I love the idea of bringing people joy. I would love to be able to make people laugh for a living, so I truly understand performance. He undoubtedly inspired many of the artists who are around today, and I applaud him for that.

Ed Thomas worked with kids. Every single day of his professional life. He worked with kids. He taught them values. He shaped lives. He instilled morals. He didn't make people happy, he made people.

Jackson brought smiles, sure, but if you replace "Coach Thomas" with "Michael Jackson" in this next quote, would you believe it? "Aside from my own father and mother, no one had a more profound impact on my life than Coach Thomas. He truly was like a second father to me and to the hundreds of players from our community he coached over the years."

Seemingly all opinions on Thomas share the same sentiment. "The stuff he taught us, stuff I'll never forget. The value of hard work, pride in what you do, and just caring about the guy beside you. That's what he did."
More. " His leadership set an example for us and his legacy will live on in the thousands of people he has touched in and out of the classroom and on and off the field."

I realize that there are thousands upon thousands of quotes going around right now. People are saying wonderful things about Michael, I know. But from an outside perspective, having never met either, which way should I lean on this one??

I loved Michael Jackson's music, his videos, and even the occasional laugh from him doing something crazy.

But heart attacks happen. They're tragic, but they happen. It's a fact of life.
Being murdered by a mentally unstable former student? That should not happen.
Find me negative press on Ed Thomas and I'll reconsider my stance on who should be the bigger headline.

Jeter Drops pop-up, Blames Fan

2009-06-10T21:04:00.003-04:00

Fenway Park, Boston.
A routine infield pop-up in Wednesday night's Red Sox-Yankees game turned anything but routine as perennial All-Star Derek Jeter camped under the ball.
"I was right under it, I was sure I had it," said Jeter afterward. "But that guy in section 448, upper deck, right field corner...he yelled 'Miss it!' and it totally shook me."
It's common practice at ballparks nationwide for fans to try razzing on opposing fielders in hopes that they misplay the ball, but now we have an answer for if it actually works.
When questioned on the subject, Yankee center fielder Johnny Damon responded "Oh hell yeah! I'd say 95% of the balls I miss are because fans shout out for it when I'm about ready to catch it." He then added, "some skeptical fans claim that it doesn't work, but trust me, it does."
The miscue couldn't have come at a worse time for the Yankees; the bases were loaded for the Sox, who were threatening to break the game open.
Making matters worse for the Bombers was the batter - David Ortiz. Ortiz has been in an extended slump for the course of the season, but perhaps no more.
"It wasn't so much the hit that pulled me out of it, it was actually the guy sitting next to the one who psyched out Jeter...as the pitch was coming in he muttered 'please hit the ball,' so that's what I went for," said the slugger in a postgame interview.
Jeter was also thrown off on every other ball hit to him under similar circumstances. "Yeah, someone seemed to say something every time the ball came to me. And the guy yelling 'whiff' every time I swung the bat definitely contributed to my three strikeouts on 9 pitches."
When asked about his 0-3, 3 strikeout hitting performance, Alex Rodriguez responded "Me? No, I didn't hear anyone say anything, I just accidentally changed my calendar to October."

Suck it, Yankees fans.

Stupid iPod

2009-06-06T15:55:00.008-04:00

Hey fellas: Been here?

I went to work out a few days ago. Of course I had my iPod (except mine is called the Kevin NyePod) strapped to my lower bicep. It was in such a position that you could see it at the end of the sleeve of my shirt.
I tend to not use the "Hold" button on the Kevin NyePod because I like to leave it on shuffle and this affords me the ability to skip over tracks and change the volume, yada yada yada.
Sometimes I get into a groove and hit a string of songs that mesh together well and thus I don't skip around - makes sense. I like to listen to upbeat music while I'm working out and try to avoid slow songs.
I was sitting down on a bench between sets and just sort of zoning out and looking around. I glanced around and tried to see if I could decipher what album covers I could see on other folks' iPods. Now obviously, I should have been able to see them on everyone's because it's been proven that every college student who owns an iPod downloads exclusively from iTunes and pays the standard price to legally obtain digital music. [citation needed]
However, as I looked around I didn't see much so I went back to my workout.
I was facing hte mirror at this point, sitting down to do a shoulder press and on my second repetition I noticed something: I could see in the mirror that the NyePod was glowing.
Without the "Hold" button on, the pod had taken action and woken up due to the motion of my workout. The backlight went on, the album cover popped up, and it occurred to me what I was listening to...

"7 Things I Hate About You."

I was 2 reps in; now I had to decide whether or not I should put the weight down and finish the set or just ignore it and act like I'm owning my embarassing moment.
Really, it didn't matter what I did...and it won't matter what you do if this happens to you.
Either way, you're a loser.

If you're wondering why I was listening to that song or how it got on the NyePod, you've obviously never heard the song.

This Could Get Weird

2009-03-20T02:18:00.005-04:00

OK, fair warning. I'm writing this from bed at about 2:20 A.M.
One may think that this would be my preemptive apology for any misspellings or anything like that, but that's not why I added that disclaimer. The disclaimer is because there's a good chance I go crazy at some point during this post.
I'm really pretty sure I'm moving along that slippery slope.
There comes a point most nights where I give up on thinking clearly and try to just confuse myself to sleep, but that doesn't work.
I've been sleeping poorly for a solid year now, and I know I'm not the only one, so I'm not going to try making that claim. Almost every night I wake up once before 5 A.M. and it's usually before 4...so maybe I'll skip out on that tonight since it's so soon.
I have the habit of thinking about every single thing that bothers me in my life while I'm trying to relax and fall asleep. I know that's not helpful, but I can't help it. It's what I do.
Tonight's not really an exception. I'm not really sure what I'm tense about, but I am, and it blows.
Making matters worse is that I was incredibly tired for the majority of the day...until I committed to trying to sleep. Since that moment I've woken up more and more by the minute.
And I'm convinced that I'm about to snap.
I want to get up and lower my shoulder in a dead-sprint through my bedroom door.
I want to light a stuffed animal on fire and wonder through the flames about whether or not that makes me a damaged person.
I want to stand up and flex every muscle in my body, utter a guttural, primal scream and slam a hole through my closet doors.
Or I want to get some fucking sleep.

And the consequences?
I know it makes me irritable, I start to get rude. I don't feel like putting up with people, but then I feel rejected if they don't put up with me. It's not fair to me or them.
My emotions are heightened when they should be dulled down for the night.
How long will I ramble?
Doesn't matter, writing won't put me to sleep. I can only hope it clears the mind a little bit.
I feel the edge starting to wear off. So I'm done for now.
The brain is a fickle thing.
It really makes you wonder sometimes.

Everything Sucks on this Programming Network

2009-02-09T15:04:00.002-05:00

I've got to hand it to you ESPN, you've done it again.
The first time you lost me was when the Mitchell Report came out. Then it was when anyone went on trial. Then it was when anyone did anything stupid. Then it was the ultimate highlight tournament. Now it's Mount Rushmore. But somehow, it's also Alex Rodriguez too! I don't understand how you can literally show next to nothing on ESPN when you have about 6 networks. I remember when Dodgeball came out and everyone giggled at the idea of ESPN 8: the Ocho. But here we are with ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPNews, ESPNU, ESPN Plus, and ESPN on ABC (whatever the hell that means).
The most remarkable part is that if I were to turn on any of those channels today, I would hear about Alex Rodriguez taking steroids.
Wait a minute...there's a professional baseball player who took steroids in 2003 and won the MVP with outstanding numbers? What's that? 105 guys in the league tested positive that year? And there was no consequence to failing the test that year? So there's really nothing that can come of this other than blowing it out of proportion? He can't be reprimanded for this because IT WASN'T ILLEGAL AT THE TIME TO TEST POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS, SO WHO THE HELL CARES?
ESPN has managed to once again devote roughly 16 hours a day to a non-story. A guy who has gained 60 pounds of muscle in 10 years took steroids? He's a freaking body-builder at this point, and so is everyone else in the league. Furthermore, what ever happened to Sportscenter til 1, then obscure sports until about 4 or 5? Now Sportscenter goes until 3 P.M.! What the hell for? Especially because it gets followed up by a sport-specific highlight show!
So in conclusion, ESPN, I've fallen out of love with you. You used to make my day: every morning I'd get up and watch you for about three hours, making sure I knew the ins and outs of every highlight - because that's what made the show...highlights - and I loved it. Then you changed: now I have to sit through you talking to a correspondent from each major sport that's had a game played in the last 24 hours (Barry Melrose, Mel Kiper, Ed Werder, Buster Olney, and Tim Legler do not belong in the same hour of TV). You're not worth my time anymore, ESPN. You used to be cool...what happened?

It makes you wonder whose assholes ideas these were, doesn't it?

The truth

2009-02-02T17:48:00.002-05:00

Here's what it comes down to. For the majority of my football-loving life, I've been a Cleveland Browns fan. The sad truth is that I don't even care anymore.
I used to get mad at people who I'd deem fair-weather fans because I couldn't accept people not giving their time to a crappy team and then reaping the benefits when the team finally does succeed. The days of that are over, and here's why.

I don't care about the Cleveland Browns right now. I know that's easy to say because it's the off-season, but the point remains the same. Look at the facts: they've made the playoffs once since their return in 1999, and the 10-6 fruitless season of 2007 proved to be other winning season since the re-inception of the team.

The Browns are a product. If there's one universal fact about the sporting world, it's that these teams - and leagues - are businesses. The product which the Cleveland Browns are putting out is, let's face it, a really shitty product. When you don't score a touchdown for a month and get shut out by one of the other perennial losers, your product is terrible. Let's not overlook the fact that this product comes complete with one hour of commercials in your three hours of television: especially because the Browns had a habit of going 3-and-out roughly 8 times a game so there was about a minute and a half of football between 3-minute commercial sets.
THAT IS A TERRIBLE PRODUCT.
One more glance at the comedy of errors that the Browns have become shows that Sports Illustrated's senior writer Peter King (who is a retard) picked Cleveland as his sleeper pick for this past NFL season: the corner of the front-page of the September 8th issue of SI read "Keep an eye on the Cleveland Browns, Here's why, by Peter King." A hopeful article followed; with details of how the Browns were hoping to move into the playoff-contender stage after being so close the previous season.
King forgot something: the team sucks.
They have sucked for quite some time.
They will continue to suck.
And if they don't continue to suck, you can bet your ass that I'll jump back into being a fan.
And if you even try to get mad at me for that, think of it from a business sense: I'm investing my worthy-time in other places until they show me they're not an organization full of ass-clowns.

Makes you wonder how they can inspire such ridiculous emotions.
PS, kudos to the Steelers. There's your proof that I don't care about the Browns right now, I'm congratulating the Steelers for being the best franchise in the NFL. They're f'ing incredible.

Re-introduction

2008-11-17T14:25:00.003-05:00

To the world, I'm reintroducing this blog in an entirely new light. In the past I was all about pretending to blog about sports because I love sports, but I've found myself musing an awful lot lately...so why not write these things down?

For instance: different people have thought capacities at different levels - it's hard to disagree. Some people are simply gifted and have the ability to think at a higher level than others...however, the truly gifted are the ones who have the ability to fluctuate between levels of thought, aren't they?

The point here is that being smart isn't enough: the real gift is being able to communicate to those who think beneath you. It's not easy, in fact, it's most likely one of the most nerve-wracking things one can do, but the dirty little secret is that those who are not as smart as yourself still play pivotal roles in your life. Whether they are the person selling you a house, the person you work for, or the person who tucks you in at night, they're a part of your life which you can't ignore.

It doesn't do any good to resent people who don't have a gift for higher thought, so why is it so nearly impossible to think in such a way?

...makes you wonder.

God to Ohio; "You're right."

2008-01-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

In an incredibly rare press conference Sunday night, the eve of the BCS National Championship, God told the Associated Press "I really don't like Ohio."
Ohioans have speculated for decades that the Almighty was not a fan, due to the cruelty with which He's treated the local sports teams - a point driven home by the fact that He was wearing an LSU hat, Florida Gators long-sleeve shirt, Red Sox t-shirt, San Antonio Spurs warm-ups, a Steelers Super Bowl ring, and Air Jordans, circa 1989.
"It's not just the sports," added God, "when the weather hits Monday, you're gonna be pissed." Shortly after these comments were made, the predicted temperatures in Ohio jumped into the upper 60s for January 7th.
Pissed off resident Dale Munson is one of many who are not thrilled with the recent developments. "I've been telling people for years that God hates us. He always makes our teams lose, He makes sure there's continual construction on the freeways, and anytime the mega millions winner is from Ohio, He makes sure it's a douche-bag."
The Omniscient one had a pre-emptive response for Dale; "Seriously...just move somewhere else and it'll be fine," and with a smile, added "it's like you guys don't get it, I really am out to get you."
The timing couldn't be worse for Ohio State fans, as the state has been unduly tortured lately - what with two Buckeyes national championship losses ("You wouldn't believe the thoughts I heard after those!" said God), plus the Cavaliers losing in the NBA Finals ("That one was mean, My bad."), and the Indians' painful collapse in the ALCS this past year ("You guys were convinced you had it...great television right there."). The soon-to-be-played BCS title game, featuring the Buckeyes and LSU Tigers could merely be another chance to torture Ohio. "I've definitely toyed with the idea of screwing them again...I guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"
He then added "but seriously, I already know who's gonna win."

One Play

2007-05-29T17:50:00.001-04:00

Coke and I were just talking about one of the most outstanding plays we've ever seen - Lebron's dunk over Rasheed Wallace. Now, my thoughts on Rasheed Wallace are not the topic of this article - if they were, someone would bound to be offended.
This article is about a question: Can one play change the outcome of a series?
Logic says no. I mean, really, one play? It was 2 points, granted it was late in the game, and yes it got the crowd fired up, but did that one drive to the basket (and the thunderous right handed flush that followed) really do enough to legitimately twist the fate of these two ball-clubs? It's time once again for a little bit of a comparison session:
The "no" argument:
Cleveland still trails 2-1 in the series. The Cavaliers were at home where they're much more likely to win. Detroit's back-court didn't show up to play (not including Billups' 2 gorgeous shots in the final 4 minutes). Cleveland had gotten a few calls going their way earlier in the game (Sheed's phantom blocking foul on Marshall - probably a foul, but not much of one, Sheed almost had the right to whine about that one). Games 5 and 7 (if necessary) will be back in Detroit where we've lost both games. They're still Detroit and they still have 1 of the top 5 players in the Eastern Conference at every position.

The "yes" argument:
Disclaimer: the series has a long way to go, so there's not a legitimate argument here, it's all speculation. Lebron single-handedly brought any Detroit momentum to a screeching halt and swung it immeasurably onto our side with that dunk. Without that dunk, who's to say he has the confidence and the ultimately killer-instinct to drain both of his threes and pop that beauty of a game-killer. Detroit now has the fear of Bron in them, which is 2nd only to the fear of god. They're officially completely focused on him, especially now that Hughes is out, thus giving the rest of the team tons of opportunities to rip it up. And yes, I feel that the sole reason that they're completely scared of him is because of that one dunk - or at least as a result of that possession.

So there you have it. Pros, Cons, the ins and outs.
Cavs take it in 7.

The Revival

2007-05-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

When it comes to crunch time, I can't just sit back and not write about what's going on. That said, here's my analysis of things of late.

The Tribe is really good...seriously. Sabathia is enormous, and he's good at pitching, look for him as an AL Cy Young candidate with the seemingly perennial winner, Johan Santana.
Steve Nash is in my top 3 favorite players with Bron and Anderson Varejao. Except that, between you and me, Nash took a dive from Horry. Look at the size comparison between Nash and Horry; could Robert Horry ever knock Steve Nash down? I didn't think so. Exciting to see the Suns almost pull it out last night without those two guys; you know, Amare the overrated center who didn't deserve to be a first-team NBAer, and Boris the French guy with a decidedly Russian name (don't you remember Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle?).
As for the Cavaliers...their game 5 offensive set reminded me of a fish out of water except for the fact that dying fish flop around and move at least a little bit whereas the Cavs just stood around all night not doing much. The Cavs torched the Nets to the tune of a blistering hot 33% shooting night with only one player shooting over 50%, and that was Z going 6-8. Meanwhile, the Nets managed to go 1-15 from the field in the 4th quarter and we went ahead and decided not to make shots and come back. Infuriating, to say the least. The swagger needs to return a bit for game 6, but I'm still confident that we can take 1 of games 5, 6, and 7, and one's all you need. Meanwhile, best wishes to Lebron's baby's momma who is 8 months pregnant and needed to be hospitalized during game 5 - reportedly side-trackign Bron from the business at hand.
But I'm sick of talking about that disaster last night.
And my laptop battery is dying, so I can't really type a whole lot more.
We're pushing 3 weeks since the NFL draft and not a single Cleveland Browns player has suffered a potentially career-ending injury - let alone a season-ending one. So far, so good.
Nye.o.lator. out.

Tribe

2007-04-15T19:05:00.000-04:00

I am only writing this as a memo that the Cleveland Indians took over first place in the Central Division on April 15...I assume that tomorrow - since the Tribe has the day off - someone will again tie them for first, but I plan on us never looking back from this point forward.
good day.

selfless promotion

2006-12-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

of myself.
Coke and a few others have been so kind as to produce the first and only pirate newspaper: for pirates, by pirates, at http://30lashes.blogspot.com I'm a contributor for obvious reasons.
you should check this out, it's pretty awesome.

until next time I get a good idea,
adieu.

Philosophy of humor

2006-12-13T02:43:00.000-05:00

I'm discussing humor with a couple people right now, and it's getting me thinking about life in general.
I like to think that without humor, we have nothing. Humor is the essence of life as we know it. What are we doing with our lives? Well, hopefully, we're being entertained by some form of humor.
If we don't have humor, what exactly do we have?
If we can't hear the sound of laughter, if we cant smile at something funny, if we can't smile because someone else is smiling at something funny, what the hell are we doing?
With this in mind, I'm dedicating my life to making people laugh. I've got about 4 minutes of stand-up material written (done in the last 24 hours) and I've got several ideas that need to be pared down.
To help prove this point, I'm going to be carrying out a lie in the near future that only a handful of people know about...and the whole point of this lie is because it's funny. If it doesn't harm anyone, and I (along with a few in the know) think it's funny, then how bad can it be, right?
I guess the point of all this is that I feel like laughter is the essence of life, and it's among my goals to simply make people laugh as often as I can.
That's my new goal in life...make people laugh.

Strange

2006-12-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

The past...iduno...2 weeks I've been pulling off the most consistently stupid thing a person can possibly do.
I've been actively putting off sleep to waste time being awake.
Why do we do this? Why would we avoid what's natural, logical, and altogether smart to do something completely useless? Why is it that I have made a habit out of talking to Ryan Beatty at roughly 2 a.m. because we're both too stupid to go to bed? Are your fingers the last part of your body to fall asleep? I mean, I'll sit here, my head is tilted so far off to the side that I can barely tell what I'm typing, eyes blurry, thinking about how tired I am...talking about how tired I am...and then I'll just go ahead and start youtubing videos of free running or america's funniest home videos or even less important crap. This, of course, in between ridiculous conversation with whoever is online. Take, for instance, the following conversation with beatty last night:

laskdkjfm: you ever start to think...sometimes when you are talkin to people online they are working themselves out
nyebergod: weird concept
nyebergod: cuz i've done it
nyebergod: i mean, not while talking to you
nyebergod: but i've been spankin one out and held a semi-conversation online
laskdkjfm: ye ive done it before
laskdkjfm: really bad convos
laskdkjfm: all one word answers
nyebergod: yeah, they're terrible
nyebergod: imagine getting busted via internet
laskdkjfm: haha
nyebergod: like, not really answering someone and having them be like "...are you jerkin off or somethin?"
laskdkjfm: hahahaha
nyebergod: i mean...i'd probably admit it, just cuz of how outrageous that'd be
laskdkjfm: ye it would
laskdkjfm: "actually im jackin off to lesbian midgets dressed at little aliens"
laskdkjfm: haha
nyebergod: haha
laskdkjfm: not like ive done that
nyebergod: definitely not
nyebergod: i havnet bookmarked "www.lesbianmidgetaliens.com"

We seriously had that conversation at 2:15 a.m. last night. And what's worse, is that it carried on for another half an hour or something so i didnt even end up going to bed til like 3. Why?
because I'm completely retarded.
Oh, by the way - it's standard practice for every conversation with anyone, ever, to include the phrase "...niccce." If you haven't seen this south park episode/clip, go here, now: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CkeCGwycsh8
if you didn't click that link, our friendship is over.

Ramble

2006-12-04T11:39:00.000-05:00

I have nothing on the top of my head about what to write, I just feel like I should write something.
I'm pretty pissed off that Fox Sports never wrote me back after my angry letter to those bums. Obviously, since I'm home in snowy Chesterland, it's not an issue about seeing the Cavaliers play.
Speaking of snow, we got hit with about 6 inches of the fluffy white stuff last night...I haven't seen this much powder since I hung out with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Ba-zing!
Brown? like the Cleveland Browns? the team who actually won a game Sunday? Man...I did not see that comin. We actually looked like a football team - who knew? This might seal the deal that I was wrong about my bet that we'd lose more players for the season than wins we'd have in the season; at 4-8 with 3 starters out, I think I just lost. Needless to say, I don't mind.
I might just start freestylin for kicks. Like when I'm out Christmas shopping I'm gonna record a beat on my phone then just walk up to people, press play and like "yo...bitch...yo....yo...I'm Christmas shoppin and poppin while you stoppin and watchin as I break your will with my looks that kill. You buyin presents for your moms as I chill and drop bombs about buyin some hoodies and fillin stocking with goodies for your little brother...by the way - I forgot to thank your mother." and then I'd have someone with to go start jumpin up and down goin "OHHHHH SHIT...THAT'S HOT!" and stuff like that.
Yeah...Kevin Nye, the Christmas freestyler. Comin to a mall near you, Christmas season '06*.

That's all I got right now, Cavaliers need to crack down. Brownies actually won. Tribe made some ridiculous signing of some guy with an Italian name...we all know how good Italians are at baseball. Seriously - name one Italian born MLB player, I dare you.
ok I'm done.
* the mall near you, assuming that you're near the Great Lakes Mall in Mentor, Ohio.

COLLEGE FREAKING BASKETBALL

2006-11-29T23:40:00.000-05:00

I love college basketball.
I could end the post right there, because from this point I'm just gonna ramble on that topic.
I'm gonna ramble like Seth McFarlane when he runs out of ideas.

Anyway, I watched the majority of the UNC/OSU game tonight, and it has led me to believe that UNC has "it." There are routine studies to find out what exactly "it" is, but I'm pretty sure that UNC has whatever that thing happens to be. Having said that, OSU's good too - Greg Oden should be interesting to see in action. There's a lot of factors - as proven by things like Amare Stoudemire coming back into the Suns' lineup last year, you don't just come back and instantly help the team out and be a star player...there's chemistry issues, there's physical issues, etc. However, that guy's huge - and according to your mother, size matters.

In other college basketball news, I believe I have a sweet 16 to pick....so without further ado, I bring you Kevin Nye's end-of-November Sweet 16 projections:
1. North Carolina - Hansbrough and co. have enough to get them into the 3rd ring of the tourney...however, might not have the size to make it to the finals.
2. Georgetown - Hibbert owns the inside, case closed.
3. OSU - yeah...don't really know what else to say.
4. Florida - This is a no-brainer. All 5 returning from the defending champs.
5. Kansas - Just pulled off a wild win vs. Florida a few days ago, proving that they've got the talent. However, Kansas always loses early, so keep an eye on that one.
6. Nevada - Nick Fazekas is too good to be stopped before the sweet 16...he's about to win his 3rd straight conference player of the year.
7. Arizona - Lute Olsen's got a hell of a crew in there, Chase Budinger is 6'7 with a 42" vertical...that's sick (he was also national high school volleyball player of the year...imagine his intramural team, eh? oh yeah, and he averaged 34 points and 11 boards a game in high shcool...nasty).
8. UConn - Jim Calhoun gets it done with zero returning starters.
9. Texas - This is actually a surprise pick since Texas is also returning zero starters. But Kevin Durant will win big 12 player of the year - write that down...oh...I guess I already did. nevermind.
10. UCLA - I'm not entirely sold on them, but they did make the final 4 last year, and I don't know much about the PAC-10, but they get the nod here.
11. LSU/Alabama - I know, I'm cheating by picking 2 teams...but it's only because I'm not sold on either of these teams...but they're very highly rated, and Alabama's returning 4 starters...building on last year's 2nd round exit...LSU obviously had the final 4. But still, I think Big Baby is too trimmed down and he'll get eaten up inside...and they'll just not be that good.
12. Wichita State - can't exclude the Shockers for 2 reasons; 1 is that they beat tennessee as a 15 seed last year and are coming back with 4 out of their 5, and 2 is that their freaking name is the shockers.
13. Syrause - No McNamara, no problem, I say. Their other 4 are back and they have a sick frosh...and that pesky 2-3 they run is damn near perfect when Jim Boeheim gets a hold of them.
14. Southern Illinois - Salukis reppin' the MVC....biatch.
15. San Diego State - Aztec love mothafuckaz. Got the probably mountain west winners in here.
16. Gonzaga - Chuck helped this pick. I hated Morrison, but I like Raivio, Josh Heytvelt is pretty solid in the post, and Altidor-Cespedes was the sneaky stud on that team last year...so what the hell, Prueter gets the call.

That's it brothers and sisters. Those are my sweet 16 picks.
Obviously, since I can only pick about 11 out of 16 correctly when I have the list of the 32 available teams in front of me, I don't expect to get more than about 8 of these correct. Oh well, such is life. I figure 8 right is about as good as 8 wrong.
I'm talkin more nonsense than a Vietnamese prostitute on a military camp, I gotta stop.
Come on Cavs...let's get it back together.
Browns? you're almost dead to me...but like a dead family member, I still love ya.
sigh.

My letter to FSN

2006-11-17T19:12:00.000-05:00

I hate it when seemingly intelligent television stations do stupid things. Last year at that little school east of here I wrote a scathing letter to comcast cable after they managed to show the same bengals/steelers game on both of their cbs channels. Profane, angry, yet structured. Ultimately I got a response that basically said they'd be forced to put my opinions in the trash folder. ...seems pretty stupid to me, considering an angry opinion means a lot more than a rational, calm opinion...if you ask me that is. Anyway, I decided to take a hint from those retards and send a letter along to FSN Ohio discussing how they've shown the Blue Jackets instead of the Cavaliers each of the last two times they've each played simultaneously.
So, here it is.

I'm a student at Ohio University, hailing from the Cleveland area, and I'm appalled at the fact that twice in a row, FSN Ohio has showed the Columbus Blue Jacket hockey game instead of the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball game. I realize that we're geographically closer to Columbus than Cleveland, but here is a list of reasons that this scheduling :
1. The Blue Jackets have the worst record in their division.
2. The Cavaliers have the best record in their conference.
3. LeBron James is the most marketable athlete in the world today - providing the Cavaliers with one of the largest fan-bases in the NBA.
4. The NHL locked out for an entire season and came back - yet no one seemed to notice; the NHL is the least-watched professional sport short of the WNBA.
5. I have never met anyone who can name more than 1 player on the Columbus Blue Jackets.
6. I don't know anyone who can't name 1 player on the Cleveland Cavaliers (this is clearly related to #3).

The bottom line is that it's preposterous to put any NHL game (the Stanley Cup last year drew worse ratings than regular season MLB games...which is embarassing) on instead of any NBA game - especially when said NBA game features 2 of the league's best players in LeBron James and Kevin Garnett.
In closing, I understand that FSN Ohio is contracted to show games featuring both of these teams; I just find it ridiculous to think that the last two times they played simultaneously, the Blue Jackets were deemed more important.
I expect changes.

There you have it. I expect changes, and a response.
Based on the response I get, I might not only post the response, but then counter-argue and unleash the proverbial beast on them. I'm pumped.

Basketball season.

2006-11-15T23:34:00.000-05:00

I'm so pumped that basketball's back. This is the best time of the year. I love this. When do I ever seem this excited about a post? During basketball season, that's when.
Everything is good about this. I'm watching some NIT regional finals - gonzaga vs. baylor. I must say, I like the zags a lot more now that Morrison's gone - I can't stand him. They got Raivio back, and they have Pierre Altidor-Cespedes...whose nickname is in the works. Baylor's getting killed, but I will continue to watch because it's college basketball! yes! Saw a bit of the UNC game earlier, good times. I was shocked to see that Tyler Hansbrough's career high in rebounds was only 11. I know he's only been in for a year and a couple games...but he's a power forward/center who pretty much out-athletes everyone....Iduno, it was just surprising.
Speaking of surprising...Kansas already started choking! Awesome! I pick them every year and they already blew it! Oral Roberts wins by a convincing 7 point margin. Kansas came in ranked #3, I don't know who they were kidding. I'm looking forward to them once again choking their way into the toughest region at a 3 or 4 seed and eeking through the first round...maybe 2 rounds, and then getting beaten by double digits. Mark it down, you can set your calendar by it. Nothing marks the tail end of March like a Kansas choke. I love college basketball.
The Cavaliers are good. Larry Hughes left the game with a bruised leg, that's no fun, but at least it's just a bruise. I'm not even writing about interesting stuff here, I don't know what's going on.
I'm really tired...and I have a lot of studying to do - 1 final down, 3 to go. I shouldn't have stayed up til 5 plotting pranks last night. Stupid college kids.
...just a thought...as I'm watching ESPN during halftime...is this Karl Ravech? I haven't seen his face yet, but is Karl Ravech really pulling off college basketball analysis? This is something that needs to be examined.
I'm going to bed.
Go Cavs, Browns, and Tribe!

Million dollar question.

2006-11-08T17:43:00.000-05:00

So last night I was pretending to study and talking to Ski when we discussed a very interesting question.
I mentioned to him that Britney Spears had filed for divorce from that stud Kevin Federline. Obviously, one day later, this basically becomes old news. However, the question stands:
Would you still have sex with Britney Spears?
Let's take a deeper look at the pros and cons.
Pros: She's still Britney Spears; you fantasized about her endlessly from about 8 years ago to about 3 years ago and rightfully so - she was gorgeous. She had everything going for her that a girl could have; a pretty good voice, great looks, lots of money, and Justin Timberlake at her side (and really, no one would have been mad if they had stuck together). Plain and simple, Britney Spears was the balls. Furthermore, now that she's split from that trash-pile, she will most likely get back into the spotlight and clean herself up. Granted she's got kids now, but Pamela Anderson and Heidi Klum have quite easily proven that hollywood moms stay hotter than hell if they so desire. Also, let's not rule out another album within the next year or so - taking a heart-break (if you can call it that) and turning it into a successful album is anything but strange in the music biz (see: Tragic Kingdom from No Doubt)...and clearly, in order to have a new album out, she'll have to get hot again.
now.
Cons: Kevin Federline had sex with her.
There are more cons than that...but seriously, that one trumps anything else you can ever come up with. That's worse than her new-found passion for cigarettes and ugly guys.
Worse than her disappearance from the lime-light to live in something resembling a mobile home.
Worse than her 55 hour marriage to a child-hood friend.
Worse than her tattoo-history: her first tattoo was of Chinese characters on her leg which she thought read "mysterious" but actually read "strange." and her 2nd tattoo is a Kabbalah/Hebrew tattoo on the back of her neck - which she has tried twice...the first one was gibberish, this one is one of the 70ish Kabbalah words for "god."
Seriously though, K-Fed trumps all that...and it hurts.

So there you have it; the pros and cons laid out for you to make your own decision - I expect comments.

P.S. I'd wait 6 months during her mourning period, then rock her world.

Inspiration

2006-11-06T12:31:00.000-05:00

You loyal readers may recall that I made a motivational post preaching the point that if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.
That's still true.
But I'm here today to talk on a different - but related - subject.
It's time for a little story about why I am the way I am.

As you probably know, I'm not exactly the type of guy who does something because other people do it. It's not that I'm an attention-whore and trying to get people to notice me because I'm different...it's not that I have a vendetta against people who do things that I don't do...it's none of that.
Basically, the reason that I am how I am - that being why I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do stuff that people tell me to do just because they do it - is because of a simple lesson that I managed to conjure up from my own life's experience.
It comes down to the fact that someone's always watching.
See, people ask me all the time why I don't drink, and I always have different answers: I've made up stories, I've exaggerated truths, I've tried simple reasoning, I've done it all...but the best way I can explain it is that someone is always watching.
In case you didn't know, I've got myself 2 older brothers who totally kick ass. The whole time they were growing up, I was right behind them by 5ish years - watching everything they did...desperately wishing I was their age and got to drive and do cool stuff whenever I wanted. Basically, my brothers and their friends were my heroes - and I always noticed that they were really good role models (hard not to notice when you are practically stalking them). I started to think about why that could have been, and thought that maybe it had something to do with me. I don't want to make any bold statements like this, but I took that and formed my own opinion.
During high school, you quite obviously will start to experience some new things and get into new types of situations...and every time I was faced with one of these decisions, I'd always do what I thought would be the right thing because deep down I knew that someone was watching. Somewhere out there, someone would know and it would let them down. I remember a conversation with Coach Rosati about it early on in my high school days about how by being a part of the football team, you take on a role model status for all of those little kids who play lions club through middle school football.
The thought of letting down people who look up to you was and still is something I could/can never get over. I guess the reason I thought of all this is because of the unusual situation on Saturday night where I was at a party with mostly juniors in high school - a couple of which were worth seeing. One of whom was talking about looking up to guys like myself and the other guys in my grade...hearing things like that make you realize that whether or not you were thinking about it - those guys were watching. Further proof and further bolstering of my beliefs and practices.
Iduno, I just felt like motivating a little bit...deep down, someone's always watching
watching, judging, smiling, hi honey, look at the baby, look at the baby.
Seriously though, there's always someone who knows, and sometimes the littlest things stick with people. Tiny snippets that seem insignificant to you can make all the difference in the world to someone else.

A motivational quote that fits nicely right here, courtesy of Lou Cirino: "Never, if possible, lie down at night without being able to say: I made one human being, at least a little wiser, a little happier, or a little better this day."

That's all I have right now, I promise next time will be funnier.
Adieu.

Unrelated thoughts

2006-11-02T23:40:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna go in a few different directions here...first of all, there was a meeting in the lobby today. The banner read FREE SEX Information. ...I thought that was pretty clever. Anyway, at the meeting, they passed out green condoms and some condom education sheets. Some things that I think are worth mentioning about this are as follows: What kind of girl would be willing to have sex with a man who put on a green condom? Seriously, why don't they pass out a condom that you could use on people that aren't blind (cuz how many blind hotties have you ever met? Just out of curiosity, is all)?
The other thing that should be noted about this seemingly good idea for a meeting is they gave out a sheet titled "13 steps for Using a Condom Correctly" Step 1. Get consent.
Get consent for what? Are you about to have sex with a girl and then have to ask if you can use a condom? If she says no, do you not have sex? What is going on here? This is just about the strangest thing I've ever read.

Let's get to more interesting stuff.
Cavaliers opened, won, outplayed the Wizards. Larry Hughes is very good at basketball again, that's nice. LeBron James is still real good, although he didn't do anything that absolutely blew me away (save having 2 very nice blocks). Any way you slice it, Cavs won, 1 down, 81 Ws to go. Got the Spurs Friday night in what'll surely be a barn-burner.
Browns finally got a W on the same day that the Bengals and Steelers lost. For those 5 hours or so, all was right in the world. Then you look at the stat sheet and realize that we still were held under 300 yards of offense and you realize that Jeff Davidson had very little to do with that win, and that the defense really just rocked the Jets' socks off. That's not to say that Davidson didn't commit to the run, as advertised. Droughns did end up with 33 carries for 125 yards, which was pretty sweet. Iduno, I'm not holding out a ton of hope for this week, but as a Cleveland fan, I'm eternally optimistic.

More other news, Halloween at OU really is pretty wild. This year was a supposedly small crowd, which is really something considering that there were an ass-load of people in town. Iduno, lots of people, lots of fun, good times, I'm going to bed so I can actually get a decent night's sleep before I drive home tomorrow.
Keep on keepin' on, Cleveland sports fans, I dig ya.

that would be my sign off if I were a Cleveland sports personality.

Quick note

2006-10-31T22:43:00.000-05:00

Just a thought. Coke blogged about John Kerry being a tool. And even before that happened, I was thinking about Kerry today. Here's my question to those badass democrats out there. If you're so tough...and the Democrats are so correct...and Bush sucks so badly...how come you lefties didn't produce anyone better that could possibly win the election?
That was just a thought that came to me today.
I'll blog something more interesting in the next few days...like how the Browns won a game! and how the Cavvies start Wednesday night!
Woo-hoo! The sports world is looking up!

p.s. I'm not bashing democrats, and I'm not a hardcore conservative or anything...I can't stand that people are still complaining about this.

Ranklings

2006-10-25T01:09:00.000-04:00

Dictionary.com definition....here.

Some things just get me goin...
- FedEx Express. This still gets me. Federal Express Express. jackasses

- I think it's time we think about re-evaluating the border policy in this fine country. It's gone too far. We strive so hard to let people feel like they're true Americans that we manage to alienate those who were born here and have earned the benefits. I'm not proposing anything outlandish here, and I'm well aware of the American stigma of going to other countries and seeming to demand respect from people and - much worse - being surprised or even offended that these people don't speak english. I propose something far more entertaining in nature, albeit impossible.
That's right, I propose that we start giving foreign born citizens jobs where we don't have to listen to them talk. Furthermore, I propose that other countries stop feeding into the American ego. If I go to a tourist spot in Morocco, I expect Moroccan to be spoken. Just like if a Moroccan came to OU, they'd expect english. Who are we to say that other countries shoudl help cater to us? What kind of pricks are we?
The real point of all of this is that I really don't like listening to teachers for 2 hours when they can't even speak english. I think we need to stop this process bigtime. The only way to cut off the american dream of doing whatever you want in America is to get the word out that you can't do whatever you want. For instance, if I moved to China and just began to grasp the language, would they hire me as a teacher to help fill a quota? Hell, no. So why should we be doing this over here? It just doesn't make sense.
If I moved to China, you know where they'd stick me and my crappy dialect? Right where I belong...in an American food restaurant. And I'd accept my niche.

- ...foreign professors

- New York sports teams.

- Terrell Owens being a big d-bag. It's fine to not be satisfied with the way things are going and to strive for better things, but come on. At least he's not knocking Tony Romo, I guess.
Speaking of Tony Romo, he completely stole the moment from Drew Bledsoe. Drew Bledsoe has made his career out of throwing back-breaking INTs in the waning moments of games that look like they might be winnable. Monday night, Bledsoe's out, Romo's in, the Cowboys have a shot, yadda yadda yadda, 95 yard INT return for a TD. Poetic Justice is served.

- Hippies. This could be about 200 pages worth of Ranklings.

- Gary Baxter's patellar tendons. For those of you who don't know, Baxter is on the Browns, and he just tore both patellar tendons - which are the tendon connecting your knee cap to your shin in the front of your knee. It's not so much that Baxter tore his...it's this: When one PT (for short) is torn, you're all but immobile, there's no way you're moving faster than an awful, 1-footed walk...so in order for Baxter to have torn both, he must have done it at the EXACT SAME TIME. What an athlete. Absolutely incredible.

- And of course...The Omen. That movie sucked.

Some things to address

2006-10-23T12:55:00.000-04:00

First thing's first...Notre Dame is going to start paying me to go to their games because they just can't seem to do anything but come thru with huge comeback victories when I'm in attendance. I'm 2-0 this year in the best comebacks I've ever seen - Frank Reich-esque.
I could go into complete detail about the whole weekend, but I'll short-hand it: Lou Bits and I headed to Chicago Friday night for the free place to stay with his girlfriend Emma - nice trip, nice city, awful traffic. We headed to ND in the morning, yadda yadda yadda, got to the game later than we'd hoped so we just went into the stadium without visiting campus much. The game was insane, comeback victory 2nd only to the MSU comeback of 4 games ago. We wandered campus for a couple hours, culminating with over-spending but under-buying at the bookstore.
Time to address college football as a whole: Calvin Johnson deserves to have the ball thrown to him every play, regardless of how many defenders are on him. Go to www.ramblinwreck.com and click on the Calvin Johnson-All American link on the top right...watch that video, then tell me that Reggie Ball is the dumbest QB in college football for not throwing to him every single play. Florida State sucks (sorry TJ). Miami's thug-mania. I hate Nebraska. MSU actually came back to win over Northwestern...very uncharacteristic of John L. Smith - who sucks. Ray Rice needs to be taken seriously as a Heisman contender. I know he's playing against semi-crappy competition, but he just rambled all over Pitt for 225 yards - not to mention that he's running behind Rutgers' not-so-stalwart offensive line. Let's see...what else...uhh...iduno, OSU/Michigan should be pretty big, eh? Yeah, that'll be something. Let's move on.
To the NFL Sunday! ...ouch. Cleveland sucks. Bigtime. Nice to know that Gary Baxter is now out for the season with a torn patellar tendon - same as LeCharles Bentley. Remember when I predicted that the Browns would have more people out for the season by week 8 than they would wins in the whole season? Well, we're coming into week 8 right now with 3 starters down for the season and 1 win under our belt...with a grand total of 3 seemingly winnable games left: the Jets, Bucaneers, and Texans. I guess the Chiefs and Steelers could be winnable in the sense that the NFL is unpredictable. But as for the other games (Ravens, Bengals, Falcons, and Chargers) we have no chance whatsoever. This is depressing, I'm just gonna move on.
There were some other NFL games yesterday, some field goals that won games...some other crap I didn't care about.
Kenny Rogers had pine-tar on his hand. No doubt about it, that was pine-tar. That didn't even look like dirt. If you've ever played baseball and had pine-tar on your hand at some point, you know that was pine-tar. What a dick.
I'm gonna go ahead and cry about how awesome saturday was and how much the Browns suck.

I'm so college

2006-10-18T23:49:00.000-04:00

So here's my day*:
I woke up this morning...cotton-mouth. You can guess why, I mean, last night was Tuesday. So anyway, I turn off my cell phone alarm clock and get out of bed - ignoring that girl whose name eludes me (just kidding). I get to the floor and realize I have to be at class in like 10 minutes - way across campus, what a drag. So I throw on my ratty jeans and my OHIO t-shirt...might be cold...so I put on my OU hoodie over it. Anyway, I grab my notebooks and stuff and throw it all in my sweet new Under Armour backpack...ya know...in case my notebook gets sweaty, and head off to class, jammin out the whole way to the newest and hottest tracks - as decided by the ever-reliable youth of America.
I get to class - so boring. I sit there for a little bit and just zone out, eventually falling asleep; hangover, anyone? Whatever, I can get the notes online anyway. Once I wake up I go back to the usual classroom routine of texting that girl from last night to see what she's doin now. Pay attention? ...please.
Anyway, once all my gay classes are over I head to the sweet dining hall to eat some first class food. I heard they put laxatives in your food...since it's mass produced they do it to make sure the viruses in the food don't stay in your system...gross.
Anyway, after the food's done I figure it's time to head back and do some good old fashioned facebook stalking. After about an hour of that, it seems like I should probably do some homework so I don't fail out of this place...after all, if I'm still here, I can still party, right? lol.
Homework's done, time for dinner, definitely ordering pizza tonight...maybe throw down some natty in the dorm.
Bout time we had a little fun today, right? Before we get it goin, I gotta make sure I impress some ladies...time to walk around shirtless. I mean, I lifted bigtime yesterday - totally cock-diesel - as we college kids like to say.
Seriously though, once we're ready to get this rowdy Wednesday night started, I throw on my favorite polo and - you know it - pop the collar so freakin hard it almost touches my ears.
From there, the rest of the night is pretty much a blur. Iduno, livin' the college life...it's rough, but it's the life for me. oh...hang on...there's like 50 hot girls coming in here right now...yeah...they all want me.

* - on a daily basis, I'd say approximately 1 of these things actually occurs in my life.

Cavaliers Pre-season opener 1st half Running Blog

2006-10-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

Excited about doing this; a complete spur of the moment occurrence. I decided at roughly 7:04 that this was gonna happen, so I apologize if I didn't properly prepare for it. Let it begin!

7:05: Mike Brown interview: Al Roker lookalike jokes commence.
7:06: That was a really fast interview.
7:07: First Cavaliers "all for one, one for all" ticket promotion commercial of the new season! The new announcer sounds a little bit like Michael Reghi, but obviously can't fill those shoes. Oh well - I'd love tickets, but school is far from home.
7:08: FSN high school football game of the week is St. Ed's vs. St. Ignatius: if that's gibberish to you; read someone else's blog.
7:09: We're back! Austin's filling us in on all sorts of contradictory statements - good to see some things never change.
Also, there appears to be a slightly mis-shaven patch on the back of Drew Gooden's head - I wonder who cut his hair? ...probably had nothing to do with Brittany Eskew...WG people should get that reference.
7:10: Bron just did the chalk clap...bitchin.
7:10: tip-off, Z vs. Ratliff...awful tip, Celts get it.
7:11: ARE YOU KIDDING?? Bron rips a pass out of the passing lane, takes it down on the break, slams it down 23 seconds into the new season. Austin Carr points out that LeBron "usually" finishes strong in the open court. ...Thanks Austin. Great point.
7:13: Larry Hughes gets bucket #2 for the Cavvies, good looking jumper.
Next possession, Bron flicks great over the head pass to Drew, who gets the and-1 layup (brick's the FT)
7:14: Bron hits from 18, 4 points in 3 minutes: at this rate he'll have 64.
7:16: Ridiculous left-handed layup by TheBron on a fastbreak as he now has 6 early points. The New Announcer makes the revelation "imagine what it's like to have LeBron James bearing down at you on the fast-break." Yeah...I'd never thought of that...except every time Michael Reghi reminded me of LeBron's "Manly takes" to the rim...I'm just desperately trying to make fun of this new guy cuz I miss Michael - who just so happens to be appearing on the current commercial for Browns Table TV show. I digress, back to the game.
7:19: Eric Snow misses his first open jumper of the new year...Cavalier fans everywhere cringe. However, Damon Jones enters the game for entertainment purposes only.
7:20: "Everybody's all strong on the strong side of the basketball." -Austin Carr. Some things you just can't make up (Z just sunk 2 FTs...lovely as we're now up 14-4)
7:22: Missed FT by Pierce, offensive rebound for the Celts...memories of the playoffs come back and I shed a little tear.
7:23: Great pass by Z to a streaking Gooden - who took about 4 shuffle steps before the layup; luckily, that counts as a foul on Boston.
7:24: Donyell Marshall and David Wesley check in - Marshall lost weight, and Wesley is jacked.
7:28: Gooden's got 12 in the 1st, (not?) including 2 missed free throws.
7:29: Another offensive rebound off of a FT miss, and both times they've converted for bonus points.
7:30: Mark it, Anderson Varejao enters...promptly receives a 3-second call. Follows it up with a blocked shot - what a go-getter.
7:32: "Donyell Marshall's body fat dropped like 30 percent!" -New Guy...what a jackass.
7:36: We've got some great passing goin on - Hughes just had a great dish inside toe Andy for an easy finish - giving him 4 in his first 2 minutes. By the way, Hughes looks weird without a headband and with more hair...I don't know if I like it.
7:38: Andy steals, follows Hughes down the floor, grabs the offensive rebound before the no-call foul. Even if we didn't end up with the ball there, how can you not love that hustle?
7:39: "Boston has drafted 4 of those." in reference to "former high schoolers." ...has Boston ever drafted someone who didn't go to high school? I don't understand this guy, but he's definitely trying to sound like Reghi.
7:40: Austin Carr makes reference to Anderson being used to the European league rules for basketball, despite the fact that he's from Brazil and played the FIBA championships in China...proof that you don't need to know geography to announce basketball.
7:43: Brian Scalabrine is ugly.
7:45: 1st quarter ends with a comfortable 34-26 lead. I'd like to see a little more defense, because 26 points in the first isn't that great. I realize that the game will slow down in the 2nd, but still, defense works better than fast-break offenses as everyone knows.
7:46: I realize I'm posting way too many points on here, but damn it, it's my blog, I can do what I want.
7:48: Bron learned how much USA basketball really means...shame they still couldn't win.
7:49: Gerald Green gets up.
7:50: Marshall shows that he's more mobile, but I still think he sucks. He just threw it away...take that Marshall supporters.
7:51: Back to back airballs by the Cavs...that ain't good, it's now 36-33 or 38-33, my TV is small.
7:52: Gooden is outta control, 7 for 7 from teh floor.
7:53: Gerald Green throws down an awkward dunk, and we're now only up 1, 40-39.

Commercial: I'd like to point out that I know that black kid sitting on the end of the Cavaliers bench, next to Mike Brown.
The commercial was for the Cavalier girl swimsuit special. I'm so watching that - those girls are incredibly attractive.
7:56: "I used to have to play on courts where the nails would stick up out of the floor and...hit you...uh, in the face!" -Austin Carr. Please god...let them bring back Michael Reghi. At least when Reghi's around, Carr has less chances to sound like an ass.
7:57: Carr makes reference to the Cavaliers' "Big People." Thank goodness he's politically correct; Z may have been upset to hear himself be referred to as a big man.
7:59: Bron charges, and we're losing 44-43 while Carr rambles about incoherent shit again.
8:00: Perkins just passed the ball inside, only to discover that it manages to go in...that's bad karma.
8:00: Gerald Green can jump out of the god damn gym - and he tried on the way to that put-back dunk; Cavs now trail by 3 as Larry Hughes continues to throw sloppy passes.
8:01: Our 3rd defensive 3 second penalty.
8:05: We just continue to not play defense and fould people, as Paul Pierce gets in for an easy and-1 layup to make it 52-45 Boston.
8:06: Damon Jones rights his previous transition jumper miss by m aking a similar shot on the next possession. However, Boston counters with another score and it's 54-49.
8:08: Bron is probably done for the night, considering he has his jersey off...why the hell would you take off your jersey?
8:09: David Wesley hits his first jumper in a Cavaliers uniform...unless you count practice, where he's probably hit a jumper before tonight.
8:15: Finallyt something worth mentioning as Snow drives hard to the basket and makes a tough layup as the shot clock expires.
also 8:15: Drew Gooden makes the rejection at one end and hits a Kareem-esque hook shot to bring the Cavaliers back within 1 at 58-57.
8:16: If I had TiVo, I'd go back and count how many times in this opening half Austin Carr has responded to the new announcer with "Right! haha!" and uncomfortable laughter. I'd put the over/under at 23.5...and I'm betting the over
8:17: Sebastian Telfair must have really had some voodoo shit going on with that "Through the Fire" movie because he's looking far better than he ever has before.
8:18: Snow gets knocked down from behind on a break and slid about 20 feet...that was fun. He'll head to the line with 5.9 seconds left in the half.
8:19: Wally Szczerbiak is wearing # 55...Don't really know if it's worse that he's wearing that # or that it took me the entire first half to realize what # one of their starters was wearing.
8:19: Telfair just brought the ball the whole length of the court in less than 4 seconds, barely missed the layup - though he was fouled - and proceeded to make his first of 5 FTs this half.
8:20: HALFTIME!
A huge 2nd quarter has the Boston Celtics winning 61-59, showing that my 1st quarter assessment of the defense needing to tighten down was dead on. For some reason, NBA.com has it at 59-57...which is just flat-out incorrect.
Gooden ended the half with 16 and 6, very solid - especially considering it was in 17 minutes. Bron went 3-5 with 6 pts, 3 assists and a couple of rebounds in those same 17 minutes. Overall I'm mildly pleased...but really not that well, considering we're losing. I'd like to see us stop throwing around really shitty passes.
Iduno. I'm pretty sure the starters are out and done, so I'm off to "study" for "midterms." I look forward to doing this kind of thing again some time.
back to the basics: Go Cavs, Browns and Tribe!

New stuff to discuss!

2006-09-25T19:22:00.000-04:00

Before I start, I'd like to say that I got a laptop and am taking full advantage of it right now by watching PTI and blogging - life is good.
Anyway, it's story time.
Friday, 4:30 p.m. My weekend starts by getting a ride to Canton where Arielle's mom was to pick us up around 7:15...she showed at about 8:10.
Friday, 9:15 p.m. Back to Arielle's house where my mom picks me up to go home and finally eat something.
Friday, 10:15 p.m. I leave my house to go pick up Carly to go watch a movie at Arielle's but I can't get a hold of her.
Friday, 10:45 p.m. I've been circling Chesterland wasting time waiting for Carly to call me back...I eventually decide to man up and just pull into her driveway.
Friday, 11:00 p.m. A confused Carly Konieczny meets me at her door, wondering why she didn't recieve any of my roughly 10 phone calls - there was no reason to miss any of them.
Friday, 11:15-1:30 Saturday. Hanging out at Arielle's watched some of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - not bad. Gene Wilder was a better character, I thought, and I realize they weren't supposed to be the same type of role, I just liked the orig. better.
Saturday, 3:00 a.m. I finally go to bed - not really sure what happened between 1:30 and 3:00 other than taking Carly home...I'll regret this tomorrow.
Saturday, 8:45 a.m. I'm awake and getting ready to go to Michigan State for the Notre Dame game...pretty jacked.
Saturday, 10:10 a.m. Finally get on the road, vague directions in hand, Katy's probably gonna be annoyed when I have to call to get the specific directions in East Lansing...oops.
Saturday, 2:25 p.m. Getting off of what was the wrong freeway in East Lansing, getting tricky directions from Katy who, not surprisingly, was a little annoyed by the fact that I left the real directions on my school computer.
Saturday, 2:45 p.m. Welcoming myself to Katy's apartment - nice place. Katy immediately starts arranging the futon for napping and/or sleeping - what a gal.
Saturday, 3:00 p.m. Take Arielle over to Julie Bucklan's dorm, leave my car there and get Julie's ID so I can get my ticket at the gate...it's a good feeling.
Saturday, 4:00 p.m. Back to Katy's, sit around talking to her and her roommate Liz - who was delightful, by the way - for about an hour. I'm consciouly putting off sleep because it was just good company.
Saturday, 5:00-6:15 p.m. I nap.
Saturday, 7:00 p.m. I'm wide awake and instead of giving me directions, St. Katy gives me a ride to the stadium and points me to the student entrance...I'm ecstatic.
Saturday, 7:45 p.m. I've been getting the "asshole" chant numerous times, but managed to find a few Irish fans in the process. We're in our seats and are being surrounded by MSU fans - after all, it's their student section.
Saturday, 8:10 - 10:30 p.m. This game sucks.
Saturday, 10:45 p.m. I moved to the ND student section in the 2nd quarter, and we're all discussing how we've still got hope, despite being down 37-21 at the beginning of the 4th quarter. By the way, biblical rains just started.
Saturday, 11:05 p.m. It has taken 12 minutes to get the game clock from 12:00 left to 11:27 left. The whole time it's been raining sideways. And I do mean sideways, it's cold and windy.
Saturday, 11:15 p.m. ND scores and makes it a game again, 37-27, and we're starting to feel like we can do this. As if our emotional high isn't getting high fast enough - fate proves that momentum is swinging our way because someone in the parking lot starts blasting off fireworks after the ND touchdown. Freakin sweet, we cheer for the mystery man in the parking lot.
Saturday, 11:30 p.m. The most incredible comeback in the history of my life has just been capped off by a 30 yard Terrail Lambert pick-6 to put the Irish up 40-37 with under 2 minutes left. Mayhem is taking place in the ND student section right now, and I'm a part of it...this is too good to be true.
Saturday, 11:35 p.m. Did Terrail Lambert pick that off?? The referree begins to speak about the call, and all 80,000 fans in attendance are dead silent...no one knows what to expect...which way will it go?
.......INTERCEPTION!!! 24 SECONDS LEFT, THE NEW RETARDED CLOCK RULES MAKE IT SO WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO KNEEL!! ND WINS!!
Saturday, 11:36 p.m. Beauty in its truest form. The most improbable of improbables is done. ND came back, we won, we've done it, high fives, hugs, screams, all of it.
Saturday, 11:40 p.m. No one in the ND fan section has left yet. 90% of MSU's fans are gone...rightfully so. Now begins the coolest thing I've ever done: The student section puts their arms around each other as the football team stands in our corner of the field...the band strikes up, and all of the Notre Dame faithful sing the Alma Mater...a thing of beauty. As soon as we finish screaming the final line of "Love thee Notre Dame," the fight song starts up, and we keep right on rolling with the song - screaming the lyrics and dancing like madmen on the soaking wet stairs/bleachers...not a safe practice, but who cares.
Sunday, 12:00 a.m. I'm finally leaving the stadium, one of the final people to exit...I don't want it to end. I make my way slowly across campus hearing plenty of comments from the MSU fans, and plenty of good comments from the ND fans...I love this.
Sunday, 12:45 a.m. I'm back to my car - which had the parking lights on this entire time - and about to head back to Katy's to wind down the most incredible night of my life...nothing is going to take me down from this high; and to top it off, my car started!

stay tuned, I'll bring more news soon of the rest of the night trying to pull me back to reality, and how Katy was the best hostess ever.

Bengals Fan Club, Est. 2004

2006-09-17T16:46:00.000-04:00

I'm not here to complain about how awful the Browns looked. I'm not going to say that we should have beaten the Bengals. I'm not even going to waste my time getting mad at Braylon Edwards dropping 4 out of 7 passes to him today. However, I am going to get mad at Bengals "fans."
I spent the first half of today's game at a friend's apartment full of Browns fans. Needless to say, we talked about all sorts of things regarding the Browns, Bengals, blowjobs, and football. At one point we got to talking about how much Cincinnati fans piss us off. One of my colleagues was in class the other day when their professor - a known Browns supporter - asked the students to raise their hands if they were Bengals fans. After an ample number of students obliged and raised their hands, he followed up with "OK, now how many of you would have raised your hands 5 years ago?" Dear readers, as you might imagine, my first-hand witness stated that approximately half of those hands went down.
Really...I knew there were fans like that, everyone knows that fair-weather fans exist, but how can Cincinnati fans be so ridiculously gay as to openly admit that they are this type of person? Why would you openly say, "yes, I only support them because they're winning. I didn't like them when they sucked, and I won't like them the next time they suck."
The audacity of these cock-suckers blows me away. The reason us Browns fans hate the Bengals so much is that us Browns fans exist. When the Bengals sucked, they didn't have fans. We suck, and we still have die-hard fans who live and (more often) die with this team's successes and (more often) failures.
I love this team. No doubt about it, I love the Cleveland Browns.
We're one of the worst teams I've ever seen, but that doesn't shake my allegiance in the least. It hurts my pride, but I could never root for anyone else.
Sure, someday it'll come around that the Bengals will suck and the Browns will be a good team; and just like that, the Browns fan numbers will balloon and people will probably say the same thing about us. But let it be known, my friends, that this fan, and all of the friends he holds dear have and always will be loyal supporters of what is currently one of the worst franchises in sports.
Go ahead - 10 years from now I want you to tell me that we're all fair-weather supporters, we're not true fans - I dare you. I'll come right back with tales of making a trip to Cincinnati to watch the Browns get beaten by those jump-start faggoty Bengals because I loved that team enough to make the trip from that little school in southern Ohio. I'll tell you about how I sought out the local Browns Backers bar wherever I was if the Browns were not carried on the local cable provider.
So to you, fair-weather Bengals fans...please, remember this day.
Remember the days when you guys were good and you liked the Bengals. Remember them, because when I see you switching over and wearing a Browns jersey somewhere down the road, I will rip it off of your back and tell you to go fist your dad's asshole because you're a faggot.
Browns fan for life; win or lose. Fuck you if you're not.

P.S. If you've been a Bengals fan through-out the 90s, and have some kind of proof of it, I salute you. There is mutual respect between those true fans and the true fans of the current Browns because we each know what the other has been through. That's not to say that we'd get along, but we have that certain level of sympathy.

Dear Michelle Wie,

2006-09-15T20:53:00.000-04:00

Congratulations on making the cut at the 84 Lumber Classic this weekend. This marks the first time in your 6 attempts at a men's PGA tournament event that you made the cut; time to celebrate! Your impressive putting and length off of the tee helped you widdle your way through the larger and stronger men on tour on your way to a +2, 74 in round 2 Friday - very impressive young lady! And to think only 16 years young! I've been hearing the negative press about how some of the sports-writers around the country think you're being ridiculous by playing on the men's tour...boy, they'll be embarassed after Sunday - you've already made the cut, there's no stopping you now! By Sunday, I'd venture a guess and say that you'll be used to the course enough to maybe post par, if not under. What a gal!
I know people are talking their smack, but seriously, how many average club players around the country can shoot like you can out there??
Wait...
Sportscenter's on...
What's that?
+14?
Wie finished dead last?
Oh my...

Allow me to re-iterate.
Dear Michelle Wie,
You suck, please stop playing on the men's tour where you're 0 for 6 making cuts. Today you finished last in a field of over 100 players. Not only that, they were all men, and you're a girl who has never won a tournament on the women's tour, let alone the men's. Yeah, you're 16, and that's impressive that you're really good, but if your'e gonna be playing with the big boys (or women) then you're going to have to win to impress me. Tough break sucking out there.
Sincerely,
Kevin Nye.

NFL is back!

2006-09-11T12:21:00.000-04:00

And the Browns still suck. That's really all I'm going to say about the game. For in-depth grading of our main players, see Coke's blog.
In other news, Notre Dame whooped ass. God I love them.
As for baseball, Big Daddy Haf is out for the rest of the season with a broken bone in his hand, so he'll be hanging out with me a lot more, so look forward to part 2 of our fictional interview coming your way soon. In case you missed part 1, here's the link to that: http://kevinnye.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_kevinnye_archive.html and it's the 3rd one down.
That's all I have right now, I'll be back...bitches.

More Musings

2006-09-07T17:43:00.000-04:00

First of all, after these next couple tidbits about life, I'm thinking maybe I should change the name of the blog to "Life's Little Musings." Any thoughts?
Well, here are my 2 main stories...
First of all, I was told to give a shout-out to Mike Eppich and I wasn't really sure how to do it in a cool way...so here's the story he told me:
so today in spanish my friend was told to read a paragraph that contained "los estados unidos."
he fucked up
and said
"los estados unegros"
followed by what I (nye again) can only imagine as hysterical laughter with every re-telling of the story. So that was my shout out and story # 1.
Number two is far more bizarre.
In my e-mail yesterday I received a letter from someone who I had purchased a book online from. It was a very archaic letter, like 2 sentences long, not really anything interesting...until I noticed that for some reason, the sponsored link (which always appears across the top of GMail, for those who don't know) was for the Comfort Clean Bidet. So needless to say, I was all over that link for a couple of reasons. First of all, I had no idea of the proper spelling of the word bidet (those things that clean out your ass, if you didn't click the link) and second of all...it was a link to a bidet site!
So as if that wasn't enough (I could have sworn it was, but things just keep getting funnier in my life), upon my arrival to the site, I browsed the front page for the information on these bidets, and bidet/toilet combos...what to my wondering eyes should appear? A free gift, of course!
Before I tell the punch line here...I'll allow the reader a moment to wonder what could possibly be the free gift included with a bidet. Sticking with cleansing, could it be a douche? Might it be toilet paper or reading material? Might it be a towel to dry off your asshole?
Don't be ridiculous, my friends...the correct answer was, of course, a blood pressure monitor.
http://www.comfortclean.us in case you were curious.
I'll say it again...the best things in life really are free.

Life's little pleasures.

2006-09-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

Upon my departure from that other school I went to, I realized that I'd miss some little things...such as the handicap-accessible shower on Russel 2nd floor, despite the fact that there were no wheel-chair ramps or elevators to get to the 2nd floor.
So imagine the flood of emotions that came over me today when I left my philosophy class (which was messed up, for what it's worth) and walked past a building - the name of which I do not know - and saw the following setup.
A set of cement stairs, roughly 8 inches high per stair, 6 steps, with a hand-rail on each side, the stairs roughly 4 feet wide. Perhaps a touch wider than that because I'd say 2 people could walk side by side up these stairs. On the outside of the rails, there were bushes, just to make sure there was no other way of getting to the top of these stairs. Now, at the top of the stairs was a door: a very standard door, much like a front door of a house. A single door, wooden, perhaps, with a simple handle...nothing unusual about the door.
Ready for the clincher?
On the left side of the door, at the top of the stairs was the old fail-safe...the Wheel-chair Accessible, "Push to Open" button.
I'll let that one sink in for a minute. In fact, go back and read it again, make sure you got that...at the top of the stairs...on the brick-wall side of the building, less than 3 feet from the door itself...right there, perched on the wall, was the most unbelievable thing I'd seen in ages.

Boy...I guess it's true what they say, the best things in life really are free.

Day 2 (in a row)

2006-09-03T01:18:00.000-04:00

So, day 2 here was more my kind of day, and much more like the title of this blog. I woke up to Lee and Kirk making their predictions for all of the important games, followed by the UM/Vandy kickoff...life was good.
Anyway, kinda hung out watching football all day, roomie #1 moved in, Chris, that went well. Then I pretty much kept sitting around watching football. Went to wal-mart and dinner with Arielle and her mom...
wait
am I writing my life story? Is anyone still reading?
Why would anyone care that I did nothing all day?
Michigan won, OSU rolled, ND looked shittier than a fat man's skivvies in the first half but pulled out a win. That's what today was like...god...what got into me?
In other news, as you well know, college football season means betting season. I've been told that my nickle and dime style of betting is really pointless since I'd have to win like 5 bets in a row to make enough money to get a meal...of food. So, keeping that in mind, and also keeping in mind that I had roughly $10 left in my betting account (since like 5 or 8 or something is still in for the Tribe to win the AL Central and the World Series...which would make me like $50, but I digress) I threw down a couple bucks on a parlay for Thursday games. After winning that, I had like $18 or something, so I put $4 into a no-doubter parlay, $5 on USC to cover a 9 pt. spread, and then Saturday at 1, I did a $3 tough parlay.
Your man Flav here did his shit. after putting $12 down, I'm up to $37 in my account after today. Go big or go home...or something like that.
Today was pretty sweet, as far as the sports world goes. Kevin Kouzmanoff, who has been brought to my attention far too often by a guy whose name starts with R and ends with yan Jensen, entered his place in history today after hitting a grandslam in his first major league at-bat...kudos to him for that, that's cool.
Not to mention the Tribe won.
USA lost, still don't wanna talk about it.
Browns start next week...I'm way more than ready. Bring it on, you sunzabitches.

so it begins.

2006-09-02T00:21:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am, OU.
I'm pretty much only writing becuase I have nothing better to do, and I've discovered that when there's nothing to do but write, you tend to write your best things.
To say I've got mixed emotions on OU is like saying Hitler did a couple bad things...point being that it's a complete understatement. For instance, every single person I caddied for who asked where I was going to school responded to my "OU" answer by making some off-hand comment about how we're the biggest party school or some shit like that. Since I think everyone who reads this knows me and realizes that I don't drink, they might be able to see why that bothers me.
On the other hand, I'm coming from Marietta College - Hell's Kitchen, as I like to call it - so I know things can't be any worse than they were there.
Of course, that was before I moved into my sardine can of a dorm room. This son of a bitch is so damn small that if anything went on the floor in the middle of the room (as it's currently arranged) you could play "the floor is lava" all day long without any problem, because there's simply no floor-space.
Furthermore, no one has bothered to figure out the internet "hub" situation so that's a drag. As of right now, if my other 2 roommates were here, only one of us could use the internet.
But enough of that bullshit, let's get back to the fact that this blog is supposed to be partially sport-themed. What the hell, USA? Did we really get our asses handed to us by the Greeks? In the words of Raddimus in "Waiting..." ....c'mon. I don't know, I don't like it at all.
Anyway, I'm wasting time not doing anything interesting or worth mentioning, and Conan's about to start, which means that I'm gone for now.
I'll be updating much more often considering I'm at school and I'll be bored a lot...not to mention that it's not like I have enough room to sit anywhere but in front of the computer.

Musings

2006-08-25T19:41:00.000-04:00

In my current state of mind, I do a lot of thinking. A lot of talking, and a lot of thinking.
Here is the highlight, if I may.
If you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.
Now, not only is this a brilliant slogan for a football team or something along those lines, but it's something that I'm taking to heart as well. It came to me on a whim earlier today, Friday. I was working out, had been for a while, came back down to the weight room with Lou Cirino, did a few lifts and decided to go home without running...why? because I was tired.
Let me tell you something, folk(s)...I got to my car and thought to myself "I'm tired...iduno if I have the energy to run and I just took off my shoes and put sandals back on." Then I thought back to all those times during high school football, baseball, whatever the hell when I was flat-out exhausted to the point that I could hardly move...but I'll be damned if I didn't move anyway.
So here I was, in the parking lot, verbally chastising myself out loud without a soul in ear-shot of me. I opened my car door, threw my sandals back in the car, and headed for the track. Why, you ask? Because if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

Obviously, this could go on and on as far as I feel necessary, I could discuss things like wars...where armies were completely worn down, but trudged on and fought a fight far worse than any personal demons I've battled, but these tales are for naught, because throughout them all, the moral remains that if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

slogan t-shirts may be on the way...keep in touch.

Haley Joel?

2006-08-18T10:23:00.000-04:00

I came across a remarkable news story the other day...so I cleaned it up and read the article. Gross.
Anyway, here's the link
I'd like to point out a few fun tidbits about this...first of all, what the hell is with the hair? Who does he think he is, Tom Hanks?
Next, .16 is a lot of booze.
3rd, going back to the hair, how gay does this joker look? On a scale of 1 to Elton John, I'd put him around Rosie O'Donnel.
4th, and most importantly...the final line of this article (since I know you didn't read the whole thing) states that Osment was driving home around 1 a.m. "when his 1995 Saturn hit a mailbox" and flipped over.
...
...
...
I could afford a 1995 Saturn, what the fuck? He's joking, right? He's 18, worth millions, drives a Saturn. This just goes to show you that it doesn't matter whether or not a celeb sticks to the basics when they've got money, I'll still give them shit either way. God...what a douche-bag.

In other news, I'm hopefully goin to the Browns' pre-season game tonight vs. the Lions, so that should be cool. Go Browns!

Counting Down

2006-07-24T23:24:00.000-04:00

My days at the bindry are limited. Quite plainly, I'm resigning on Thursday, taking the long weekend off for family time, then heading out to Sand Ridge on Wednesday to start caddying and making lots of money...in cash form
some things that I'll miss...

small paychecks
Dr. Gummy
The huge fat woman with the hick accent who I can hear with earplugs in because she manages to speak just below the decibel level of a jet engine
Standing still for 8+ hours per day
The excruciatingly gay guy who works about 10 feet away, although he's on the other side of a book-case style thing so it's not as creepy as it seems...but then again it is pretty creepy
Knowing that someone within my vision - at all times - didn't graduate high school
Working at the same place as some hot names on the WG alumni list...hot enough that I'm not even going to publish their names, ask me if you really wanna know
Binding books and everything that goes along with it

that's all, I'm going to bed...musing about the possibilities of working as a caddy.

Terrible rap songs that somehow got popular

2006-07-12T21:14:00.000-04:00

I've veered away from sports recently because there's not much good stuff to talk about aside from that Hafner interview.
So, to shake it up, I will now list off the worst rap songs to gain popularity with a short assessment of each.

Bone and Phil Collins - Take Me Home. This'll ruffle some feathers since they're Cleveland guys, but just because they're from Cleveland doesn't make them good (See: Cleveland Indians, 1955-1994). This song sucked. It marked the end of Phil Collins' career and I don't much care what it did to Bone's career. Now that Krayzie Bone is in with Chamillionaire on "ridin dirty" I guess they can escape the fact that "Take Me Home" may have been their final mark....thank god...

Sisqo - The Thong Song. Everyone knew this would be on here. Really, this one was at least entertaining, despite it's positively awful ...well, everything. "She had dumps like a truck." Female bathroom habits aren't material for rapping (but they make a great movie title here). Plain and simple. Now, I enjoy a nice ass in a thong as much as the next guy, but come on Sisqo...did you really have to spray paint your head silver?

ODB - Baby I got your Money. Possibly the most offensive song ever if you actually listen to the lyrics. Extremely catchy...but here's an excerpt: "I don't have no problem with you fucking me, but I have a little problem with you not fucking me." A lyrical mastermind, to say the least. Entertaining song, but really awful.

Petey Pablo - Freek-a-Leek. This one I loved and still do. But let's get real. Ridiculous basis for a song...it's about how he's a bit kinky in the sack. That's it. Talkin about bangin girls and whatnot...nothing too terribly creative either. Iduno, catchy as all get-out, but impressively terrible at the same time.

Cam'ron - Hey Ma. Another catchy song for no good reason. Incredibly trite lyrics. "She looked at me and said 'you's a baby right?' I told her, I'm 18 and live a crazy life, plus I tell you what the 80s like."
What?
Now...that part was Juelz Santana, but Cam'ron's part is no better. Not to mention the chorus is horrendously stupid.

That's it for now...I'm sure I'll think of more, but right now, I gotta get to bed.
Adieu.

Update: Shortly after post-time, my esteemed colleague Nick Waetjen pointed out that neither Coolio - too hot nor Lil Bow Wow - basketball made this list. These were each complete oversights on my part and I apologize.

My Fictional Interview with Travis Hafner

2006-07-08T12:15:00.000-04:00

I haven't talked to Big Daddy Haf, but if I did, I imagine it'd go something like this:

Me: So, do you mind if I call you BDH for short?
BDH: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Super, now let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
BDH: Yes, let's...
Me: You totally cut me off, but based on your size, I'll let it slide.
BDH: I get that a lot.
Me: Speaking of which, you're a really big dude...how's that workin out for ya?
BDH: Well, it helps me hit baseballs far, and one time it actually led someone to believe that I have a very large penis.
Me: Yeah.......does that mean you don't?
BDH: It's enormous.
Me: Thought so. Moving on, you've hit 5 grand slams before the all-star break, which makes you the only guy to ever do that, how freakin sweet is that?
BDH: I know, pretty cool. Not only that though, the rising popularity has led to interview that didn't actually happen, just like this one.
Me: Does this guy know how to party or what?! OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but despite being one of the lower-paid super-sluggers at the moment, you're looking at a huge contract ahead of you, right?
BDH: Yeah, I really hope it comes soon...
Me: You seem concerned, what happened to the $2.7 million you're making this season?
BDH: Well, I spent most of it getting the tank that I drove over here in, and I spent the rest on the gas to get here...so it looks like we're gonna be chilin together for a while.
Me: My bed isn't big enough for both of us...that is, unless we spoon real close.
BDH: Deal!
Me: Wow, who knew that being so gay in high school baseball would transfer all the way to the pros? awesome. I guess the only other thing I can think of to ask you about is that whole All-Star thing and how AJ Pierfaggot got voted in.
BDH: I'm glad you mentioned...because, AJ, I know you're listening out there, and you know as well as I do that when Wrestlemania 21 comes around I'll be waiting for you. You. Me. A 2X4. And 300 square feet of Chain-link fence, Pierzynski...and it will be ...Hell....In a Cell.....

Back to Business

2006-06-22T18:14:00.000-04:00

It's been 30 years but I'm back.
I didn't go anywhere, I'm just lazy...by which I mean I'm working at General Bookbinding, which blows.
But here's the thing...I work with that guy who's gonna kill someone. Biggest redneck I've ever met, and I've met some big'uns. Just for kicks, I like to talk to this guy just to try to get him to say "Ya know, there's a shotgun in my trunk, if you wanna hang out." or something. I mean, this guy is a few teeth short...wears a bandana regularly...has a tattoo on his right arm roughly the size of a half-dollar (not really sure what it is cuz it's so small and poorly drawn)...trash 'stache...the works. It's great. By the way, my 2 nicknames for him are "Heap" as in Trash-heap, not Todd, and the other nickname is Dr. Gummy...I chose Dr. Gummy for 2 reasons, 1 being that he's showin a lot of gum with those missing teeth, and the other reason is because this man probably didn't finish high school...so the idea of him becoming a Dr. is hilarious! He looks something like this
This job sucks.
Tribe sucks...bigtime.
The nice thing is that I blogged again and I didn't even write about anything
By the way, he didn't actually look much like that, but he is a ridiculous hillbilly.

P.S. Look at ryan's blog or I'll kill you.

This needs to be seen

2006-05-31T23:44:00.000-04:00

look at this shit...seriously...look at it and be amazed at what people do, at Ghetto Prom '06

i suck

2006-05-27T14:49:00.000-04:00

Turns out I really slow down with the blogging while I'm home. I don't have anything good to say anymore.
I'm a hack
A has-been.
A loser.
A choke.
A lazy bastard.
A bum.
A stiff.
A chump.
A punk.
A hack.
but I'll tell you what I'm not, which makes it all better...
I'm not a Marietta Pioneer.
Life is good.

Anderson Varejao

2006-05-18T17:56:00.000-04:00

The following is an excerpt from Thursday's News Herald in northeast Ohio.

Pistons forward Antonio McDyess claimed Cavaliers center Anderson Varejao bit him during game 3 in Cleveland.
"I was just trying to help the team," Varejao said, "I was playing aggressive."
Varejao was then asked if his response meant he bit McDyess.
"The team bit him," he said.

If by some fluke you didn't like this guy before, you absolutely must now. I mean, look at that hair!

Spectacular!
As always, go Cavs, Tribe, and Browns!

What can you say?

2006-05-18T00:20:00.000-04:00

So Fabolous kinda looks like Larry Hughes {4th down on left} ...just kiddin here. Anyway, Fabolous said at the start of "I'm so into you," the words "I can't really explain it..." Now, I know the Cavaliers are not a love song, or even a rap song, but really, I can't explain what they're doing and how they're doing it so well.
That's not true, I just can't explain why/how they didnt do it all season. LeBron is playing lockdown D, along with Donyell Marshall (who I still hate, by the way...glad he's playing well, but can't stand him) also actually doing stuff right. And how bout big stiff Z actually coming to play in game 5. I could go on all night, you all saw the game, the Cavaliers are beating Detroit by playing Detroit's game - that's a beautiful thing.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are 1 game away from going to the Eastern Conference Finals....
...The best part?
No Michael Jordan to slow us down.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!
by the way, Tribe won a shutout tonight, a CG gem by Jake Westbrook completely overshadowed by the Cavaliers winning in Detroit, which is fine by me.

Also, that Fabolous thing was completely unnecessary.

"bitter-sweet" defined

2006-05-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my last day at Marietta, was the definition of bitter-sweet. Obviously, I wanted/needed to get outta there, but I left a few real good friends who I'll miss sorely. I gave a little shout-out at the end of my rap entry from early Thursday morning, but that was before the goodbyes...which were rough. Really, those fellas who kept me alive and kickin I owe a huge debt of gratitude; most notably Coke and Dock for the train-walking and the looking for the Indians game, but TJ and Zach for the MC-bashing...that helped an awful lot too. The rest of the hall was pretty good too, since we basically ripped on the place whenever we felt the need, to whoever was listening. Not to mention Jeff reminding us all that I'm an asshole...
But it's just like I was sayin with Coke as we made a final trek down the hall side-by-side; it's been great with you fellas...sucked that we were at MC, but you guys - awesome.

That's all I got, there's nothing too terribly interesting to talk about, so I went the way of SportsCenter on a slow day: appeal to emotions.

About to leave

2006-05-11T10:01:00.000-04:00

That's right ladies and gents; today is my final day at MC. In TJ's Blog he decided to drop a few rhymes to explain how he felt about this place...but Iduno about all that.
...
...
So time for me to leave Marietta
for a place that's surely betta
I can't even think of a place that's worse,
every day it feels like I'm ridin in a hearse
like this place has killed me - filled me with anger and hate
where I end up now is in the hands of fate.

The day is here, nothin left to fear,
My cell bio final just stuck it in my rear.
The credits probably won't transfer anyway
because this place is run by a big group of gays.
A huge f'in chapter of the rainbow coalition
means that everyone you see should be cleanin up the kitchen.

Furthermore, time to hit the door and move outta this place.
Never hear my rhymes again? now that just ain't the case.
There'll be plenty of time to sit and rhyme, drop some lines bout feelin fine from the room that's mine while Coke loads a 9 to blast this college down...and maybe even the rest of this crappy little town.
But that's it, now I got some shit I gotta do
and to those who love the 'Etta...
a big FUCK YOU...no offense, Hop

Ha, that was fun. Special shout-out to the fellas who helped keep me sane: TJ, Coke, Dock, Zach, big Zach, Hop, Frohegan - and most of the 2nd floor (minus the weirdos). Best of luck to all of you, and if you're ever wonderin about me...just check the blog.

-Nye

David Blaine: Drowned Alive

2006-05-08T22:04:00.000-04:00

What the hell did I just waste that portion of my life for? If roomie Hop hadn't flipped it on, I surely would have forgotten about it - and that would have been fine by me. Seriously, what possesses this man to do the things he does?
It wasn't even a magic trick this time, it was staying underwater for 9 minutes and removing 8 sets of handcuffs off of his body in the process...oh yeah, and he had spent the previous week underwater in the damn sphere. Anyway, he didn't make it...lasted 7 minutes and 8 seconds. So let me ask ya this; what was the purpose here? If you said "it's a publicity stunt because this guy is absolutely retarded" then you were seemingly correct. The reason that I was slightly intrigued was because they said he'd either "break the record, or die trying." I've never seen someone die - let alone on national television, so how could I not have a slight interest? Neither of these things happened; he came out of the water convulsing, but still fully conscious. Stu Scott - yes, the Disney Corporation has him by a leash - tried to pawn it off by saying that we're seeing a little bit of magic from the fact that Blaine could actually walk after being underwater for a week...woopti-freaking-doo.
Damn it, I wasted 7+ minutes watching him underwater, plus 3 minutes pre-submergence, plus 5 minutes post-emergence for a grand total of over 15 minutes of my life that I want back because nothing happened other than a man running out of breath.
I hate you David Blaine.
Go chill in a block of ice over Times Square or something.

I'm angry

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

2006-05-05T12:04:00.000-04:00

DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO.....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO.....DODODOO-DOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOO....DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO....DO DO DO DOOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DO DO DO...DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOOEEEEEOOOOOOOOO...... DODODOOOOOOOOOO.

Under 1 week left in this hellhole.
Cavs gonna win the series tonight vs. the Wiz.
Tribe gonna take 2 outta 3 from the A's.
I'm goin home to get the van.
Not sure if everything's gonna fit in there.
Norbert responded to an e-mail.
I have zero classes left at MC, just a few finals.
1 week from right now, I'll be just waking up...then going golfing with Jensen and Reinhard.
I'm in an incredibly good mood.
I liked the Browns' draft.

Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Screw short posts

2006-05-01T22:35:00.000-04:00

I am a sports junkie. I have a problem with them. I absolutely cannot exist without sports to distract me. I have found myself on a nearly daily basis gamecasting at least 2 MLB games while watching the NBA playoffs...then watching sportscenter from roughly 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. Not to mention how much time I wasted watching the draft (enough hours to not count on one hand) for those 5 seconds that they discuss the pick. This is all in addition to my regular checks to indians.com, espn.com, clevelandbrowns.com, and cavs.com. At this stage, all must wonder; what can I possibly gain from this?
Nothing.
And I'm OK with that.
Is there a career in knowing about sports? ...I don't know anyone working for ESPN, so I'm pretty sure that's a negative. I don't think I have much hope of becoming a pro athlete, so that's out. And I also don't have any idea how to become an announcer - even though I don't think that's what I'd wanna do as a career/major. But somehow, some way, it makes sense to love everything about pro sports (except hockey, because come on...lockouts? for hockey players? I know they're tougher than I'll ever be, but they're also waaay richer than I'll be). But seriously...as Lou Brown once said in Major League 2, "ooh yeah, I love this shit!"

That's all I got. I'm trying not to write pages and pages about the Cavs playoff showings (Bron is sick, but play some god damn defense...and stop being called for fouls that you didn't make...yeah), but they'll pull it out. And the draft was alright, I like the first 2 picks by Cleveland, and anything after the 2nd round, I just take the GM's word for it since I won't know about the guys. So yeah, pretty happy with it.

That's all, as always, go Tribe, Cavs (2 more), and Browns!

Reformation

2006-04-27T00:09:00.000-04:00

I need to start making shorter posts.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!

The 'Etta Effect

2006-04-25T01:02:00.000-04:00

Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.

As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye

Much ado about nothing

2006-04-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

First thing's first, I apologize for not posting for the last week, it's just that I really couldn't top the much-discussed post of last Thursday...it was too perfectly conveying my emotions. Basically, the last 2 days have been the ultimate roller-coaster of emotions about how I feel about this place. First of all, it sucks here, without question...nothing I say in this entry will refute that.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.

In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.

The Girl Nextdoor

2006-04-13T12:30:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends

that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye

Some things that I miss from days gone by...

2006-04-12T00:29:00.000-04:00

...family, close friends, girlfriend, obviously
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.

The Good Nye Giveth...and The Good Nye Taketh

2006-04-06T17:17:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you, loyal reader(s), about a little place called Marietta College. It borders on West Virginia - which is every bit as bad as it sounds. It is the most boring town on Earth. It is home of the worst educators I've ever come across. It is home of the worst football program I've ever come across. In a nutshell, it is one of the worst places I've ever come across - hence my decision to transfer elsewhere at the completion of this school-year. However, it is also home to some very good people and some very good friends who have become rather important to me over the last 8 months.
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.

- Kevin F. Nye

and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!

Perfect time to blog

2006-04-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

The Tribe is on a rain delay - might not get resolved, much to my dismay, but I thought this would be a good time to write.
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!

Stealing from Jeff

2006-03-30T23:34:00.000-05:00

I know this is a copy off of Jeff's blog, but this thing is sweet: http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2005/Better_Bush.htm

some observations: comb-over, evil eyes, and big smile remind me of Chevy Chase. And also, bald, normal eyes, and close-lipped looks like Paul Schaffer from Letterman.
that's all I got right now, just an entertaining tidbit.

Cavs clinch!!!

2006-03-29T23:22:00.000-05:00

YES! The Cleveland Cavaliers have clinched a playoff spot for the first time in 8 years! I'm so pumped about this...I wish desperately that they make it deep into the playoffs - at least long enough for me to be able to be downtown when the win a series. I want nothing more than to be in the actual city of Cleveland celebrating with thousands of delirious fans that our beloved sports team (I don't even care which team does it, but the Cavs are the closest as of this moment) may finally be lifting the curse of this place. ...I love Cleveland!
The Tribe just signed Grady Sizemore through 2011 with an option for 2012! Sorta funny, they signed him to a 1 year contract on March 5th...probably a pleasant surprise for Grady. Anyway, if this team has not just put themselves into position to win a World Series within the next 2 years...I don't even know what to think. A little glimpse at the members we have signed thru the 2007 season: Sizemore, Peralta, Vic Martinez (those 3 are all through 2011, by the way), Sabathia, and Hafner. There are a few others who are still going to be under contract, or possibly having options that could be picked up for the '07 season...but my god, those first 5 are like a murderers row. They're in the works of getting Cliff Lee (18-5 last year) to sign a multi-year deal, which would prove that the Bartolo Colon for Sizemore and Lee deal was actually an insanely smart move.
Furthemore, I'm flat-out pumped about the Browns upcoming season. I received a request today to make a draft preview blog article...but I gotta say, I'm not that knowledgeable about all of it because of the god damn ESPN Insider and how I can barely look at anything on ESPN.com anymore. Really a drag. But the point is that I don't know who the Browns will take this year, but for some reason, I'm actually optimistic that it'll be a good pick...things are starting to turn around for us...maybe it's because I'm from Cleveland and eternal optimism is the only thing we've got at this point, but still. I don't know, I'm pretty pumped about Cleveland right now.
So as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!!! ...!

Plug time!

2006-03-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

That's right, I have to inform the world of the other thing Jensen and I are working tirelessly for...the return of The Barn League. For those who don't know, the barn league is simply an impromptu basketball league which takes place in Ryan's barn. It is simply the best facility possible for round-the-clock basketball. There are large overhead lights for night play, and when the doors are opened, there's enough natural light to not have to worry about it. Furthermore, I'm told that this summer will be the first summer in recent history that will include a relatively small amount of firewood in the barn - perhaps even none at all!
The point is that this is a super sweet way to hang out with a lot of cool people and play some basketball and just have fun. Absolutely visit the site, just fish around there, see what you think and if you're interested in playing, e-mail me or leave a comment or something and I'll get the info we need from you to make your player profile...and once we see you play, we'll decide your NBA comparison.
In other news...George Mason is in the final four. I'm sure you all know that, so I won't be like "um, what?" because it's old news. However, what's gonna happen this weekend? How can one pick the winner of the GMU/UF game? The whole tournament has been "Mason won't be able to handle them underneath...no size, they can't possibly win another." and every single time they've done it. I can't bet on them to win...they can't handle Florida...but they couldn't handle UConn, MSU, or UNC...and I guess they had a shot at Wichita State.
The other side of the bracket is UCLA and LSU. Don't bet on this game because it's a gay game that no one wants to watch.
I'm sick, so I got that goin for me, and I'm also transferring out of Marietta, if anyone cares.
That's all I have for now, as always, Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Wild night! John Mellencamp sung that song!

2006-03-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

But seriously folks...what a night for college basketball. I lost 2 $2 bets, which was rough, but it was probably worth the incredibly good games. Well, minus the Duke game. JJ definitely sucked, I can certainly man up and admit that - that Temple guy played absolute lockdown defense on him, very impressive (he's got googly arms. Not to mention, anytime Redick got inside, Tyrus Thomas used his giant googly arms to swat the shot away...both of those defenders are freshmen, fyi.
Even with JJ sucking it up bigtime, I still stand firm in my position that Greg Paulus ultimately lost the game. I hate him so much. The kid leaves the game with Duke down 37-32. He comes back 4 minutes later with Duke up 45-40. 4 minutes later Duke is trailing 50-47. I'm not saying that Redick's shitty day didn't contribute to the loss, it most certainly did. I am saying that Greg Paulus sucks and that he did some stupid things that in essence costed Duke the game.
I also hate Adam Morrison, so seeing him lose in a heartbreaker kinda made me happy. On the one hand, that's really mean, but on the other hand, that was an insanely exciting game, so that's why I loved the ending. It wasn't so much that Gonzaga lost, it was that UCLA was gettin stomped and kept it together and played an incredible final minute to win an incredible game - freakin amazing.
Also, much more than I hate Adam Morrison, I hate WVU. Imagine my horror as Kevin Federline/Shittysnogle hit that 3 (he's added tats since that picture, by the way). But yeah, I was mortified - especially since a couple people on this floor really like WVU. But then the heavens opened up...God came down, touched Paulino's right arm, and willed the shot into the basket for a UT win. The hall went nuts. Being this close to West Virginia has forced a passionate hate of them to grow in everyone except those select few. It was 12:30 a.m. and there were 15 people running up and down the hallway yelling "HOOK 'EM HORNS!!"
Pure bliss.
In other news, Memphis won, no big surprise. And today should be pretty lackluster - a UConn W is in the works, along with 3 other games that I can't even remember. I'm going home in like 2 hours, I've got better thigns on my mind.
That's all for now, as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!

just something i came across

2006-03-22T15:26:00.000-05:00

I know this isn't a pertinent post...but look at this news story:
that lucky bastard.

Also, I'm editing this blog as the Cavs game just ended...for those of you who say LeBron can't hit the big shots...eat shit, cuz he just did.

It's been too long

2006-03-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

Too long since I've talked sports. Obviously, march madness started and held true to its name. That opening weekend was ab fab. Despite my "best" efforts, I managed to lose a final 4 team (Kansas), and like 325 sweet 16 teams (osu, msu, unc, etc.). Basically, it was madness...I'm not even gonna bother assessing this weekend because it was so completely out of control.

In other news, the Browns are just kicking ass this off-season. There's no 2 ways about it, they're tearing shit up.
I'm really not feeling the creative writing vibe right now, so I'm sorry that this sucks as much as having this kid's name.
Some things that I'm calling for this weekend. Watch out for Bradley to give Memphis one hell of a game, but the Tigers will be able to out-hustle the Braves because they're just too fast.
Similarly, Nova will win because they're just too good at that 4 guard offense. It doesn't sound like it should work, but it does...by the way, I have BC in this one, but really, who gives a shit at this point?
Florida's been rollin, but have obviously had 4 days to cool off. Georgetown will give them a good one, but UF will pull it out.
UConn will win, nothing more to it.
Duke will win a customarily close game.
I hate WVU, so Texas better kick their asses.
I don't like Gonzaga...actually, I like everyone on that team except Adam Morrison...so if he goes 0-19 from the field with -3 rebounds but the Zags win, Go Zags! ...but seroiusly, I just can't see Gonzaga beating a legitimate contender in UCLA. So I think UCLA will get the W.
I saved the best for last...GW vs. Wichita State. No doot aboot it, this is the game that everyone will be watching for no real reason. GW has been extremely impressive, taking down an underachieving MSU team and an over-achieving UNC team. Wichita State dominated Seton Hall and edged out the much-questioned Tennessee Vols - who I also dislike. Now, here's the thing about this game...it seems like these two are both the stories that we'll wanna hear about, small conference teams which are about to bring a lot of attention to their respective conferences. One of these teams will go to the elite 8...pretty serious stuff. Most of the time, mid-majors get to the sweet 16 and lose out to the big guys - it's history. But this match-up is the guaranteed in for the little fellas...heart-warming. That said...this story is gonna end up sadly. I don't know who will win this game, in fact, I'm not even gonna make a prediction, but I will say that it'll be a pretty big victory. There's no real reason for it, but one of these teams will get a double digit win.
That's my sweet 16 assessment...completely random, but hey, that's how the dance works - you saw the first 2 rounds. If you don't like my picks...that's your right as an American, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk all over America...figuratively, that is, cuz I usually do walk on America's land. Anypoop, I'm also predicting that I'll be wrong on all 8 games. So there you have it, the sweet 16, broken down.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

My week in Florida

2006-03-19T20:20:00.000-05:00

We left marietta at 6:15 Friday night. Long drive, no fun, kinda depressing with 4 people in a 2 door Civic, but hey, Florida's worth it.
Arrive at TJ/the Zynda's house at about 9:50 a.m. Saturday morning. Mrs. Z is there to greet us and Big Ted (TJ stands for Theodore James, and his dad is Ted also, so we refer to him as big ted) is in Jacksonville with TJ's 28 year old brother. So we try to settle in a bit, nice house, a very florida house - all white on the inside and kinda open looking. Then there's a pool out the back with a screen and an overhang - so it's like they have an extra room outside, which is cool. The outside just kinda looks like a typical FL house, with those rounded shingles and whatnot. But anyway, Saturday was then spent sleeping all day. I think they may have made us dinner, but i can't remember what it was.
Sunday morning greeted me with 1 of the poodles (they have 3) licking my face at like 8 a.m. I wasn't very pleased. However, i was sleeping on a foldout couch bed with a tv in the room, so I guess it was worth the tv. But anyway, i drifted back out and woke up again at like 9:45...and I became James Bond upon hearing "my name is Pussy Galore"...if you know Bond, you know the next line/what I was thinking was "...I must be dreaming." That's right, I woke up to the smell of bacon. Curiosity got the best of me and I walked downstairs and was greeted by both parents in the kitchen by a "good morning...how do you want your eggs?" Sunday was off to a sweet start. Huge breakfast - I was like a king since I was the first awake - pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit...outstanding.
Anyway, so then we spent Sunday at the beach for a couple hours - it was insanely crowded, and then drove around Naples just for kicks for another hour or so afterwards, which took us to dinner time. We went to Cheeburger Cheeburger to do the 1 lb. challenge. TJ and I both downed the pounders without much trouble, got our pictures taken, and made fun of Hop and Zac for getting little wiener burgers. Then we hung out, that was it for Sunday.
Monday was pretty wild. We went to a hosue that belonged to a guy mr. Zynda worked for and was pretty good friends with - it was on the market at $8.9 mil, to give you an idea of how big it was. It was on the water, with something like 150 feet of waterfront - which is a lot. 6 bed, 7.5 bathroom house - insane. Pool area (endless pool) was all stone floored and was probably about 2000 sq. ft. itself - it was enormous. Anyway, we went jet skiing. It was tons of fun, we spent most of the day out there screwing around, saw some dolphins on the way back in - had a good time. I don't think we did anything that night, so that was Monday.
Tuesday was back at the beach. A different beach, this one had a big passageway that sorta drifted back through some woods, but it was opened enough to be fine to swim in, so we did that. It was really cool though because the current would take us out to the edge of the ocean part and there were like 10 billion little fish that we were catching with our hands becuase there were so many...it was cool. There was also a huge jellyfish that may or may not have been dead when TJ threw a rock really deep into it's jelly-skeleton...which led this douchebag to turn around and be a hardass and pick it up and toss it back into the water. So Tuesday night we went fishing at the previously mentioned huge house, fished off of the back deck (by the way, those people live in miami for most of the time...just 2 hours away...and weren't there all week) and taht was alright. We caught some stuff, threw it back, beat the shit out of a catfish, yadda yadda yadda. So we had some bait left over, and that brings me to wednesday.
Wednesday we fished at the other insanely huge house of a guy t hat big ted knows. This house included $500,000 marble flooring, a $70,000 piece of "artwork" out front, a $13,000 5 foot long section of glass in front of the wine cooler, 7 flat screen TV's on swivel-bases on the walls, zebra wood all over everything, a movie theater (with 8 automatic recliners - you press the button and it reclines for you...for the truly lazy man), an elevator, an endless pool that appears to drain into the ocean, a fountain that drains water into the pool, 5ish chandeliers from Italy, a player piano, chaise lounges from Italy that were in the thousands, a steam room/shower, green marble bathtubs (apparently that stuff is insanely rare/expensive), and 2 other lots - one for the 4000 sq. ft. guest house, and one is a park, where friends of theirs have gotten married (it includes 2 fountains and a gazebo). According to big ted, this house would go for roughly $14 mil. So we fished there, and manatees are really into this corner lot we were at, so we got to see a manatee from about 10 feet away, pretty cool. Wednesday night was nothing that i can recall...but maybe it was dinner at the Rib place...yeah, that sounds right. Later that night was the funniest moment of the trip. Ashley (TJ's 25 year old sister) was home and her boyfriend Kalen came after we were back from dinner. Kalen seemed like the kind of guy who tries real hard to impress the parents, but it's probaby a lost cause. Apparently when big ted first met him, he took Kalen out for a ride in his truck and showed him a shotgun (uncle Buck-esque) and mentioned how the thing could "dot an i from 300 yards" - pretty funny stuff. Anyway, Kalen came into the house...stood by the couch for about 10 seconds as he was being introduced to us. After we shook hands, he leaned back by the couch to pat Jake, the 1 year old male poodle. No more than 5 seconds later, Jake was humping the crap out of poor Kalen's arm. Now, I'm not gonna explicitly say what happened, but moments later, Kalen went and washed his hands as the rest of us laughed until we cried...funniest thing I've ever seen. And that was Wednesday.
Thursday was "let's find the biggest hicks in Florida" day. WE went to an airboat tour place that also had an "animal sanctuary" which was like "some fenced-in-areas with exotic animals in them." We paid 8 bucks to get in and we got to see tons of alligators, feed some fish, see panthers, crocs, sea turtles, and the coolest animals in the world....deer! That part was gay, but there was also an alligator wrestler. This guy first let us hold the littler gators, which smelled awful, but felt really cool. Then he went on and drug "George" out of the pool that he seemed awfully content laying in. George was a 9 ft. gator, apparently about 350 pounds, and an alligator, thus making our wrangler an idiot. Anyway, the guy showed us how the cool thing about gators is that if anything touches their tongues, they shut their jaws with insane power. He tossed a really really small pebble into its' mouth at one point and it sure did snap - pretty cool. Anyway, he did that ridiculously stupid stuff like goign chin-to-chin with the gator and putting his arms out. He also showed us that he had had a few fingers almost bitten off...which one might think, would inspire him to stop putting his hands in alligators mouths, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, the best part about this was that one of the few other people who were watchign this asked how big gators get. The guy responded with "i've seen a 16 footer, and i know it was 16 feet because we were in a 16 foot canoe. Me and my buddy were out Gigging Frogs -" and my heart stopped. Someone out there really does gig frogs. I froze. I couldn't believe it. This guy was that much of a redneck that him and his "buddy" go out into the swamp to stab frogs with tridents...what does one say in respond to this? Nothing, was my response, i was completely speechless. So that was the highlight of that day.
Friday and Saturday we just hung out, nothing too interesting, we laid by the pool and watched basketball...I'm really tired, and i wanna post about basketball, but it's gonna have to wait til tomorrow or the next day, since no b-ball is going on for the next few days.
so as always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Dear Loyal Reader(s),

2006-03-10T16:16:00.000-05:00

for what it's worth, I'm not surprised about the conference tourney shake-ups. Aside from that, UConn's still gonn win it all.
However, the real reason I'm addressing you is to say that I'm on spring break, I'll be in Naples, Florida for the remainder of the week, so I most likely will not be posting. Needless to say, I'll be ready for the tourney come Thursday, but aside from that, nothing going on other than hangin out.
So wish me luck, and as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!

If I were a gambling man...

2006-03-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on Gonzaga's opponent to cover the double digit spread every time. This team just cannot play a consistent game against a shitty opponent. Despite winning 18 straight, I really think they probably have questionable momentum heading into the tourney, where they'll probably get stuck with a 2 seed - much to their chagrin.

If I were a gambling man, I'd watch UNC with a serious Stink-Eye. These guys are hot. Major threat in the tourney, as a likely 3 seed, they could be the ones to knock off afore-mentioned Gonzaga.

If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on the Royals to cover their 63.5 win total this season, because a group of professional baseball players should not be able to lose 99 games in a season.

If I were a gambling man, I'd bet a lot of highly ranked teams to lose in conference tourneys. Every year, at least 1 or 2 top 15 teams lose their conference tourneys sine they're shoo-ins for the Dance.

If I were a gambling man, I wouldn't bet on the US to win the WBC. Nothin more to it, I just don't think they'll win.

If I were a gambling man, I'd make sure to get in a tourney pool because those are the best wastes of money on the entire planet.

And Finally, if I were a gambling man, I'd end up owing money to a guy named Shawn, who would wear a pair of lace up shin-length boots and excruciatingly tight pants - generally shirtless as well. Furthermore, he would be a man of moderately small stature, and he'd present himself to me with a musical interlude with words like "I'm just a sexy boy..." Of course, my only defense at this point would be waiting for someone to shatter a piece of glass nearby and i come storming right up to Shawn, kick him in the stomach, and finish him off with A STONE COLD STUNNER!!!

Anyway, I might have gotten carried away with that last part, but as always, go Cavs (4 in a row), go Browns, and go Tribe!

Million Dollar Idea...

2006-03-06T19:29:00.000-05:00

...which will make me no money at all, in fact, it'll cost me. Here's the idea: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt should make a sex tape and sell copies for like $20 apiece. Is there anyone in the world who would not buy a copy of this? Man or woman? no, of course not, not a single person in the world can resist either of these two.

Hell, even if this thing is only 5 minutes long (even though I assume Brad Pitt has infinite sexual stamina due to his mythical...well, everything) that would be worth $20 to me. Furthermore, if this thing went to theaters somehow - albeit exclusively adult theaters - this would rival Titanic as far as box office income is concerned, there's no question about it. Someone needs to alert them about this sure-fire moneymaker.

Really, the only question about it is...which one of them are you thinking about when you're masturbating to this movie?

Everyone's gonna hate me for this one

2006-03-05T00:43:00.000-05:00

There are plenty of good rivalries in sports, there's no doubt about that. A pretty good amount of these rivalries are the sort that you love 1 team and hate the other, which is what makes a good rivalry. I think you probably see where this is going... Here's the thing, Duke/UNC is hands-down the best rivalry in college basketball, which puts it high in the running for best rivalry period. And I don't hate either team. I remember about 5 years ago rooting for UNC just because they were hot and I didn't really like Shane Battier's groovy head. Then like 2 years ago when UNC won at Duke in a last second scramble for the ball, I think the score might have been 80-77, but I was pulling for Duke hard that game. Last year I was all for Duke because I hate(d) Sean May. Dean Smith, Roy Williams, That other Guy who coached NC...Matt Doherty? I have no idea, that was the first name that came to mind, anyway, those are all excellent coaches, and on the other side is Coach K. Needless to say, that guy is an incredible college basketball coach. The team philosophy he's put into place over the last 20 years is absolutely outstanding - no doubt about it. Similarly, Williams has done one hell of a job with UNC after losing all those douches from last year.
That said, I was rooting for Duke this game from the start. Granted that I wanted NC to come back a little when they were down big early, but I just wanted a good game. So it was close for a while, and I was happy, and Tyler Hansbrough and Shelden Williams going back and forth was probably the coolest thing I've seen in basketball in a while. Furthermore, JJ really is chokin on it lately, zoiks. I gotta support him since he's been so good for all this time, but at the same time...he's chokin on it hard. But anyway, the game started to get out of hand in NC's favor, Nelson hits a couple big threes, split up by the crazy falling down act of Melchionni (who is a douche, by the way) who managed to get an assist in the midst of that whole fiasco. Anyway, it got close, NC won, and I was a little disappointed. However, and here's the part that's gonna piss people off, it was nice to see NC win given the circumstances. The reasons are as follows: not to be a dick, but they hadn't won in a while, so it was good to see them get one again. Next is that they were the underdog, and who doesn't love a good underdog? Next is that I just wish Coach K would learn that DeMarcus Nelson should be starting over The Human Turnover* Greg Paulus. That guy sucks so badly. There was a point in this game where I said aloud "This asshole is gonna go down and turn it over and UNC's gonna get the momentum and score" or something to that effect. No more than 12 seconds later, Paulus traveled...douche. There were other times that I was thinking it, and it happened, but those don't count since I can't prove it.
Anyway, bottom line is that Paulus is a fag, I don't like Melchionni, and I'm still a bit bitter that Paulus didn't go to Notre Dame to play football, but I still wanted Duke to win I guess.
But yeah, I'm really glad it was a good game, but I can't promise that I'll be rooting for Duke again next year, since Paulus will be anchoring the team from the guard position.
I'm tired, so as always, Go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!

*= The Human Turnover nickname was borrowed from Pat McDonald's days on the West Geauga basketball team.

Cavs ended the skid!

2006-03-03T16:23:00.000-05:00

I'll cover more than that, but that's where we start today. As we speak, I'm talking to Ryan about the finish of last night's game. First, they suck and completely blew a huge lead, that was piss-poor. Second, they didn't completely blow it since they ended up winning, and that's where this thing's gonna get interesting. Roughly 20 seconds left and Bron drives, draws like 40 defenders and flicks to Anderson Varejao for a 10 footer, during which Andy gets fouled. Needless to say, 4th quarter = 2 bricked FTs. Cavs stay down 2. At this point, Reggie Miller says that LeBron needs to be more selfish and go for it in these situations...take note of that because roughly 10 seconds later, the clock is ticking down inside 10 and Bron is bringing it up the court with the Cavs down 2. He starts to drive, draws a double team in a crowded lane and kicks to Flip Murray for the wide open 3 in the corner. Net. 3. Win. p.s. fuck you Reggie Miller, I hate you. As Joe Lubelski's away message read after the game "Fuck Reggie Miller, that's why you never won a championship you selfish asshole." and so on.
Here's the nay-sayer's point of view, and by "nay-sayer" I mean "Ryan's argument." The argument is that LeBron really should man up and want the ball in his hands come crunch-time. Furthermore, his track record shows that he is 4-21 in his career with game-tying or winning shots in the final seconds. While that does deserve note, I think it's important to realize that Bron is merely 21 years old...at which point MJ (God, whatever you wanna call him), had yet to play in an NBA game, let alone be the "youngest player to..." do everything in NBA history - and yes, that was nearly a direct quote from our conversation. Furthermore, I have no problem with him passing to an open 3 (even if Flip woulda missed it) instead of forcing up a terrible shot in traffic and solidifying the loss. Ryan went on to say that it's not so much that he has a bad track record in these situations, it's more that it doesn't seem like he wants to take the shot anymore...which is debatable. However, since I have no way of contacting Bron on the subject, I think that's pretty much up for grabs.
Anyway, Duke choked hard vs. FSU. Redick has been playing like he did against Jensen in the game we played in the driveway last week (see Home Kicks Ass post...that is, scroll down). I manned up on Morrison that game, or else I, myself would take credit in shutting down JJ. But anyway, Memphis lost last night, which is just as well because I've never seen this team in my life. In fact, I don't think they exist - this is an ESPN/NCAA conspiracy that has been put in place just to try to shake things up a bit - and ya know what? it's working. The Dragons of UAB needed the lift of "beating the #3 team in the country" - very clever, I think. Everyone wants to see Dragons in the tourney, and they just needed a few strings pulled, that's all. Anyway, I'm just killing time here, uhh, I really got nothin else, I'll post again in a few days, and I promise, it'll be way funnier than this shit-show.
oh yeah, the Tribe started yesterday and beat the Astros...that's cool, Ronnie Belliard homered, which means that he's on pace to hit 162 in the regular season - not counting the 28 exhibition games (and he might be in the WBC, I don't know). It also means that the Tribe is on pace to win 162 regular season games, pretty sweet there.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

editor's note, by time of publication, I'm pretty sure the Tribe has already lost today to those same Houston Astros, but I'm way too lazy to check.

Good Post: See for yourself

2006-03-01T17:55:00.000-05:00

Well, C.C. Sabathia gave up his spot on the US World Baseball Classic team. I can't say that that's a terrible move considering he said he's behind on his throwing. Chances are that I'd do the same thing if I really felt like that was the real case. Either way, he'll kick ass for the Tribe come April 2.

The NFL completely screwed up the bargaining agreement...which means the Browns are in super-duper good shape. 21 mil under the cap? hells yeah. Rumors galore, I gotta report what I just saw on ESPN. Apparently Warrick Dunn, Derrick Brooks, Kerry Collins, Chad Pennington, Simeon Rice, Priest Holmes and plenty of others are prospective cuts. And as of right now, STephen Davis, Mike Anderson, Rod Smart, Trevor Pryce, Jeb Putzier (probably got JACKED UP!! on the way out of Denver) Sam Adams, and Lawyer Milloy have all been cut. The Browns have plenty of room and plenty of money...I'm hoping to see some solid players coming to the Cleveland area.
Speaking of the Browns, they re-signed the big O, Orpheus Roye to lock it down on the d-line next year. According to prosportsdaily we're in the works to lock up L.J. Shelton for a couple more, which is fine by me. Not to mention the fact that we did the do with Andra during the season, which was probably the best thing in the history of the Browns defense since Clay Mathews. In other news, I'm pretty sure that a betting pool will be out soon questioning how or when Kellen Winslow Jr. will injure himself for the remainder of the season. My bet is a torn rotator cuff from shaking the Boggle cube to get new letters...most likely between week 2 and 3. This is like Clue with all of the possibilities!
Aside from that, I'll update soon with more college basketball, but I need some dinner.

As always, Go Tribe, Cavs, and Browns!

Some sports, Some not

2006-02-27T23:46:00.000-05:00

The Texans might trade away from Reggie Bush? meh. They don't need him as badly as other teams do, so they might be able to get some serious goods for him, I'd listen if I were the Texans. I wish I could watch the combine, the NFL Network would be a sound investment at this point.

I have like 3 tests tomorrow (Tuesday) and that's really why I'm blogging. Realistically, there's no sense in studying for a test I'll fail either way - that's AllState's stand. But seriously, biology is gonna kick my ass, stats is gonna be gayer than gay because my professor is just that - gay. I tell everyone that watching this guy try to teach us over microsoft Excel is like watching a 2 year old try to put the circle peg into the square hole. And I have a communications test which shouldn't be too bad, I guess.
Rasheed Wallace is an asshole.
That guy who Garnett hit with the ball must have a vagina the size of Canada. A $5000 fine probably didn't mean much to KG, but still, he shouldn't have gotten fined at all - he was nice enough to go apologize to the vag-face who got stretchered out to a well deserved round of boos.

Sports gambling keeps my life entertaining. Jensen and I have come up with a pretty good way to beat the system. The trick is to put a couple bucks (i usually do 2, he does more because he's got a $5 minimum bet...probably too much information, but oh well) on a 3 or 4 (or 9) team parlay. Now, I know you're thinking "But Nye, that's crazy! You're liable to lose a leg to a bookie that carries a sythe!" Well, the kicker is to bet only on teams that are favored by 8 points or more - that's my breaking point usually. I've been known to occasionally throw in lesser favorites, such as the Phoenix Suns tonight, only 2.5 point favorites over the Houston Rockets...who the Suns beat by 40 the last time they played. The Suns won, and I won $6 on my $2 bet - it's that simple! I feel like that guy on TV who wears the yellow suits with dollar signs or question marks on them, only I'm not nearly that gay...or am I?

Yeah, I gave you a nice little cliff-hanger there.

West Virginia is gay. The point was just brought up on SportsCenter that their jackass fans stormed the court after a win over underdog Pittsburgh. That's right, WVU was favored in this game and stormed the court after winning...why are they so stupid? That's a rhetorical question, there are too many answers to list.

Jensen brought to my attention that Anderson Varejao simply didn't play tonight in the Cavaliers' loss to the Pistons tonight. What the hell? Plain and simple, what the hell?
Well, I've put off studying for a pretty long time, so I'm gonna...eh, go to bed, ha.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Home Kicks Ass

2006-02-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

Straying from the theme here, but I feel as if I must.
For those of you reading (all 4 of you), I went home for the weekend, and as you may have guessed, it kicked ass. Well, that's not wholly true since the ride from Marietta back home took roughly 5 hours. Arielle's car stopped working (screwy gas gauge) and we had to hop a ride with Ali Hanna (our saviour) after waiting for the tow-truck to come 30 miles to get us - which took roughly 1 hour and 45 minutes. But I digress.
Once home, I got to eat chicken puffs, which, if you've never had, I feel bad for you...and I'm sure almost no one reading this has. After that it was time for a shower that came with water pressure below that of a fire hose, which was nice. Then I sat around for a little bit talking to the parents until Abby got in for the weekend, apparently her ride there sucked too...misery loves company.
Anyway, went to Arielle's house to hang out for a bit, that was nice, then got to come home and sleep with my dog...which was cute...seriously. The real cuteness clincher came when I had to lift her off of my bed in the morning because she was too tender from her surgery this week (spayed) to jump down - adorable, I know. Moving on, I slept til about 12:30, which was super-duper, and then proceeded to accomplish absolutely nothing until Jensen came over at like 2:30. Needless to say, our sports watching turned into sports playing as we recreated the ultimate childhood activity of playing 2 on 2 vs. Adam Morrison and JJ Redick. We obviously dominated. Their D just couldn't handle the superb passing and offensive rebounding of Ryan and I. We proceeded to lower the rim down to about 8 feet so we could toss alley-oops and throw down all over Morrison's ugly ass. Rounded out the night with dinner with both moms (mine and my surrogate mother...who happens to be ryan's real mother), dad, larry bird (ryan's mom's boyfriendish guy), ryan, abby, and arielle. I just realized that I got really lazy with capitalization in that last sentence, oh well. Then we watched Crash, and that was about it for my weekend.
As for sports this weekend...meh. Thats all, meh. Duke was unconvincing in their victory over those queermos. Yahoo for JJ getting the ACC scoring record, good for him...he played a shitty game though. Cavs got spanked by Detroit, lost 3rd straight. They need to get it together and not collapse like last year or things are going to get ugly in Cleveland. Also, Sheed shoulda gotten ejected for blasting Z on the melon...that thing bled like crazy. Uhh...UConn rolled, they're good. The olympics are over, woopti-freakin doo - espn ruined them anyways.
One final thought, 2 weeks from today, I'll be in Florida for Spring Breaks, and it's gonna totally kick ass...go ahead, leave a comment on where you'll be while I'm in Florida, I'll be thrilled to read them...suckaaaaas.
ha, I'm a loser.
As always, Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe.

Much to Discuss

2006-02-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

And I do mean much. Today's topics: Browns release Kenard Lang and Michael Lehan. Cavs trade for Lee Nailon and Flip Murray. The Tribe gets their own ohio TV network. College basketball comments. And of course, whether or not I ever found Bugs Bunny attractive when he dressed up as a girl to trick Elmer Fudd (there's a whole 'nother column in the works about cartoons too, don't worry).
Browns first: Kenard Lang...well...he was a solid DE. Kudos for cutting weight and getting faster to play OLB because lord knows we needed you there. Kudos for being "the consummate professional" in all of this according to Phil Savage - he really was very gracious in his press conference. And certainly kudos for saying how much you appreciate everything Cleveland and the fans have done for you over the years. On the other hand though, he's 31, coming off of the 2nd worst season in his career (behind rookie year) and he's really not a very attractive man. But the real reason he didn't get re-signed is because his agent is Drew Rosenhaus...so kudos to Kenard for not arguing his release from his front yard. More to the point, we need a solid OLB, and we would have needed one even if Kenard stayed, so I guess I'm okay with this move.
As for Lehan, he really let his stock drop immeasurably when he cut his dreads off. I don't even know when it happened, but I know it did and I'm not real happy about it. Furthermore, we have Leigh Bodden (our #1) Gary Baxter (our # 2) and Daylon McCutcheon (#3) wrapped up for a few more years. However, I think Daylon is overrated, but I'm not running the show, obviously. I guess that's about it for the Browns day today.

Lee Nailon and Flip Murray? I approve.
I bet you expected me to dive into that one, but not so much. I asked Ryan what he thought about it, he liked it, so I agreed - he knows more about the NBA than me. (I'll be putting a link to his blog on here somewhere if I could figure this crap out)

Tribe TV! SportsTime Ohio will be the channel, and it will carry 130 of the Indians' games this season. Mike Hegan, Rick Manning, and John Sanders will be the big 3 doing the talking again, which was probably a good move for the channel. The best thing about this channel is that Jim Donovan is getting himself involved. Aside from Michael Reghi - who is in a league of his own - I think Jim Donovan is one of the best announcers there is. He can precisely describe the Browns entire formation in a matter of about 4 seconds without slipping over a single word...it's incredible, but I digress. Donovan will be doing the pre-game shows and bringing "more energy" to it. What the hell that means is beyond me, but hey, I'm game.

College basketball: There are 9 seconds left in the Nova/Cincy game and I bet Nova to cover the "too-good-to-be-true 3.5 spread" because, well, I'm an idiot. 9 seconds left and it's tied, Nova will take the last shot, and I'm guessing it won't be a 4 pointer to cover for me. Great inbound play, Nova scores, wins by 2. Good for them I suppose. Now for my thoughts about Nova.
These guys are good. I know they only won by 2, but their backcourt is without question the best in the nation. Randy Foye is a man. A 6'4" guard just ripped down 15 boards to go with 25 points...that's incredible. I was gonna comment on how their problem is being undersized, but those guys can play, that's f'damn sure. I'm normally not one to follow small teams thru the tourney, but they might be the best hustle-team I've seen this year. Their starting 5 was a forward and 4 guards and those almost outrebounded the entire UC team - and outrebounded UC on the offensive end by 12-6 by the starters, very impressive stuff. Again, I don't think teams can make it without a solid big man or 2, but what do I know about anything. In response to B's comment about how OSU has Terrence Dials who, admittedly, brings his hard hat and lunch pail on a nightly basis (Reghi, circa 03-04 Boozer times, and yes, that's MLA citation). My only complaint about him is that he could turn into a shaq-esque thing where the opponents could go straight at him and draw fouls, because if he's in foul trouble, it didn't appear to me that OSU had a guy who was sufficiently prominent at driving to the hole. They certianly can knock down 3 after 3, but a cold day ruins them. Obviously, this is all just my opinion. But let's move on.
Bugs Bunny...well, yeah. I was a little turned on. Perhaps this is an explanation to my current fetish involving small woodland creatures and so on. Also, the column that I'm referring to for the future is a critique of the top 20 cartoon characters of all time from a web page i saw the other day.
As always, Go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!

Best Invention Ever.

2006-02-22T15:14:00.000-05:00

No question about it. DirecTV has come up with the best creation in the history of sports. If I wasn't going to be in Florida (Woo! Spring Break!) when March Madness starts, I would put serious thought into purchasing this. In case you haven't heard or seen this, DirecTV's coverage of the opening rounds will let you have a 4-way split screen of 3 games (there are never 4 games going at once, ha! brilliant!) which means that the 4th screen will probably be running scores or highlights. I am obsessed with March Madness. It is, without question, the best format for anything in any level of sports - except maybe high school football, which is only high in consideration because high school football is so awesome. Anyway, back to the point. 3 games at one time; which means not having to flip back and forth between CBS and whoever their affiliate may be at that given moment; which means being able to gamble 3 game parlays and watch them all unfold in exactly the way you dont want them to...all at one time! It also would allow for idiots like me to spend the final traces of cash from their wallets to be able to skip classes to watch the greatest spectacle (also the most aptly named event) in the sports world today.
Obviously, I'm broke. not to mention I'll be in FLA when it starts so I won't be purchasing, but this also means I won't even have to skip class to watch the games, which is nice...considering I was bold enough to skip classses in high school to watch the games, but I digress. The real important thing to discuss now is that I'm a self-proclaimed guru of college basketball this year, and I'm gonna tell you right now who the final 4 will be...assuming that these 4 teams are all in different regions going in, which I obviously have zero clue about. Anyway, on to the picks!
Duke and Uconn will make the final 4, no question about it. Here's why:
JJ Redick is insane. Hate him or love him, the guy could hit a three with a naked girl straddling his face, let alone with a hand there. No one will be able to man up on Shelden Williams 1on1, and if they don't, he'll kick it out to JJ or Dockery to lace a no-question 3.
Uconn will make it because they have the best 6 in the nation. With Hilton Armstrong, Josh Boone, and Jeff Adrien in the post, even Shelden Williams won't know what to do. Not to mention that Marcus Williams had a freakin triple double last night (in regulation, even though the game ended up in OT) to go along with Rudy Gay (who should be a Naismith candidate based purely on athletic ability) and that other guy who rounds out their big 6.
Wow...i can't think of who else I think will make it, I'm looking at a list of the top 25 teams and I really don't know who's gonna be in, so here's what I'll do.
Gonzaga will not make the final 4. Morrison can't keep shooting like 45234 times a game and expect them to beat major teams in the tourney, they'll make the sweet 16 and lose because Morrison won't give it inside to Batista (the real stud on that team).
WVU will not make it. Basically because I hate that team.
Nova will not make it unless they are a 2 seed. Don't question me, I know this stuff. 4 1 seeds won't make it, but I think Nova can make it from a 2 seed, which they'll get after they lose to UConn this week and then again the following week to someone who won't matter.
Finally, the last team to make it (since I guess Nova was a pick) will be a stunner. The winner of Texas/Kansas this week will make the final 4. If Kansas wins (they've been over-acheiving all year, putting together this year's best Cinderella story...and I always pick them anyway), they'll jump up 3 or 4 spots in the rankings, which should warrant them a 3 or 4 seed in the tourney, which as you all know is a dangerous spot. If Texas wins (especially if they win tonight vs. K-State), they'll be 24-4 and coming off of an ass-kicking by OK ST, which won't be sitting well. therefore, whoever wins that game on saturday will have a helluva lot of momentum heading into the final week or 2 of the season.
That's all I have for now, in a couple days I'll post about my sleepers and who I think will be a big surprise - besides Kansas.
Until next time, Go Cavs, Browns, and Tribe!

intro post!

2006-02-21T00:31:00.000-05:00

Here it is; 12:30 a.m. and I realize that I need to start a sports-themed blog that I've been thinking about for weeks. It's mid-February which means that the NFL is over and I have nothing to look forward to until March Madness. This year I've stepped up my game a notch because I want to get even more into sports overall because hey, I'm in college, it's not like I've got anything important to do with my time, right? And hell, I can't sleep anyway, why not write about sports instead...also, it doesn't hurt that I have my dollar betting going which forces me to take a lot more interest in a lot more things...a great thing to do, I suggest everyone invests in this.
Anyway, as you all know, sports basically consume my life - be it video games, watching, or playing them, so it's only natural that I'm finally wasting more time writing about them. So here's how I'd like to kick things off:

1. LeBron James is the 2nd coming of Christ. No question. There is indisputable evidence which, if you choose to refute, solidifies your place in hell.

2. I've taken the liberty of watching a lot more college basketball this year, and I've got some things to say about today's college basketball happenings.
First of all, Syracuse is a seriously dangerous team. I have never seen a team with a better 2-3 zone in the history of anything. I love it. Defense is sweet, not to mention that they beat WVU and that's a pretty big deal around here...so big, in fact, that a wvu fan down the hall from me responded to my post-game taunt with "that game didn't even matter." If you've ever been involved with a taunting, you know that means it was a big game.
Second on my list is the Gonzaga/Pepperdine game I'm currently watching. What the crap? Adam Morrison is on my shit list. Not just because he looks like Britney Spears should be married to him, but the way these announcers are on his bandwagon is reminding me of the Sean May escapades of last season. Furthermore, when the announcer of this game makes the statement that "no, it doesn't make a difference to be making threes in the WCC as opposed to the ACC" my ears began to bleed. How can he say that? Let's be honest here, is Pepperdine (7-16 prior to this game, with the last ranked offense in the wcc) really going to provide the defense that UNC or Maryland will be showing? I'm not all over JJ Redick's goods, but the guy can make a shot with a hand in his face, much more impressive than Adam Morrison.
Moving on to the actual game, either Pepperdine is stunningly good or Gonzaga plays terrible defense - it's a 1 point game with 4 minutes left in the first half.

3. Ricky Williams is retarded.

So until next time, Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!