Musings

In my current state of mind, I do a lot of thinking. A lot of talking, and a lot of thinking.
Here is the highlight, if I may.
If you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.
Now, not only is this a brilliant slogan for a football team or something along those lines, but it's something that I'm taking to heart as well. It came to me on a whim earlier today, Friday. I was working out, had been for a while, came back down to the weight room with Lou Cirino, did a few lifts and decided to go home without running...why? because I was tired.
Let me tell you something, folk(s)...I got to my car and thought to myself "I'm tired...iduno if I have the energy to run and I just took off my shoes and put sandals back on." Then I thought back to all those times during high school football, baseball, whatever the hell when I was flat-out exhausted to the point that I could hardly move...but I'll be damned if I didn't move anyway.
So here I was, in the parking lot, verbally chastising myself out loud without a soul in ear-shot of me. I opened my car door, threw my sandals back in the car, and headed for the track. Why, you ask? Because if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

Obviously, this could go on and on as far as I feel necessary, I could discuss things like wars...where armies were completely worn down, but trudged on and fought a fight far worse than any personal demons I've battled, but these tales are for naught, because throughout them all, the moral remains that if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

slogan t-shirts may be on the way...keep in touch.

Haley Joel?

I came across a remarkable news story the other day...so I cleaned it up and read the article. Gross.
Anyway, here's the link
I'd like to point out a few fun tidbits about this...first of all, what the hell is with the hair? Who does he think he is, Tom Hanks?
Next, .16 is a lot of booze.
3rd, going back to the hair, how gay does this joker look? On a scale of 1 to Elton John, I'd put him around Rosie O'Donnel.
4th, and most importantly...the final line of this article (since I know you didn't read the whole thing) states that Osment was driving home around 1 a.m. "when his 1995 Saturn hit a mailbox" and flipped over.
...
...
...
I could afford a 1995 Saturn, what the fuck? He's joking, right? He's 18, worth millions, drives a Saturn. This just goes to show you that it doesn't matter whether or not a celeb sticks to the basics when they've got money, I'll still give them shit either way. God...what a douche-bag.

In other news, I'm hopefully goin to the Browns' pre-season game tonight vs. the Lions, so that should be cool. Go Browns!

Counting Down

My days at the bindry are limited. Quite plainly, I'm resigning on Thursday, taking the long weekend off for family time, then heading out to Sand Ridge on Wednesday to start caddying and making lots of money...in cash form
some things that I'll miss...

• small paychecks
• Dr. Gummy
• The huge fat woman with the hick accent who I can hear with earplugs in because she manages to speak just below the decibel level of a jet engine
• Standing still for 8+ hours per day
• The excruciatingly gay guy who works about 10 feet away, although he's on the other side of a book-case style thing so it's not as creepy as it seems...but then again it is pretty creepy
• Knowing that someone within my vision - at all times - didn't graduate high school
• Working at the same place as some hot names on the WG alumni list...hot enough that I'm not even going to publish their names, ask me if you really wanna know
• Binding books and everything that goes along with it

that's all, I'm going to bed...musing about the possibilities of working as a caddy.

Terrible rap songs that somehow got popular

I've veered away from sports recently because there's not much good stuff to talk about aside from that Hafner interview.
So, to shake it up, I will now list off the worst rap songs to gain popularity with a short assessment of each.

Bone and Phil Collins - Take Me Home. This'll ruffle some feathers since they're Cleveland guys, but just because they're from Cleveland doesn't make them good (See: Cleveland Indians, 1955-1994). This song sucked. It marked the end of Phil Collins' career and I don't much care what it did to Bone's career. Now that Krayzie Bone is in with Chamillionaire on "ridin dirty" I guess they can escape the fact that "Take Me Home" may have been their final mark....thank god...

Sisqo - The Thong Song. Everyone knew this would be on here. Really, this one was at least entertaining, despite it's positively awful ...well, everything. "She had dumps like a truck." Female bathroom habits aren't material for rapping (but they make a great movie title here). Plain and simple. Now, I enjoy a nice ass in a thong as much as the next guy, but come on Sisqo...did you really have to spray paint your head silver?

ODB - Baby I got your Money. Possibly the most offensive song ever if you actually listen to the lyrics. Extremely catchy...but here's an excerpt: "I don't have no problem with you fucking me, but I have a little problem with you not fucking me." A lyrical mastermind, to say the least. Entertaining song, but really awful.

Petey Pablo - Freek-a-Leek. This one I loved and still do. But let's get real. Ridiculous basis for a song...it's about how he's a bit kinky in the sack. That's it. Talkin about bangin girls and whatnot...nothing too terribly creative either. Iduno, catchy as all get-out, but impressively terrible at the same time.

Cam'ron - Hey Ma. Another catchy song for no good reason. Incredibly trite lyrics. "She looked at me and said 'you's a baby right?' I told her, I'm 18 and live a crazy life, plus I tell you what the 80s like."
What?
Now...that part was Juelz Santana, but Cam'ron's part is no better. Not to mention the chorus is horrendously stupid.

That's it for now...I'm sure I'll think of more, but right now, I gotta get to bed.
Adieu.

Update: Shortly after post-time, my esteemed colleague Nick Waetjen pointed out that neither Coolio - too hot nor Lil Bow Wow - basketball made this list. These were each complete oversights on my part and I apologize.

My Fictional Interview with Travis Hafner

I haven't talked to Big Daddy Haf, but if I did, I imagine it'd go something like this:


Me: So, do you mind if I call you BDH for short?
BDH: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Super, now let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
BDH: Yes, let's...
Me: You totally cut me off, but based on your size, I'll let it slide.
BDH: I get that a lot.
Me: Speaking of which, you're a really big dude...how's that workin out for ya?
BDH: Well, it helps me hit baseballs far, and one time it actually led someone to believe that I have a very large penis.
Me: Yeah.......does that mean you don't?
BDH: It's enormous.
Me: Thought so. Moving on, you've hit 5 grand slams before the all-star break, which makes you the only guy to ever do that, how freakin sweet is that?
BDH: I know, pretty cool. Not only that though, the rising popularity has led to interview that didn't actually happen, just like this one.
Me: Does this guy know how to party or what?! OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but despite being one of the lower-paid super-sluggers at the moment, you're looking at a huge contract ahead of you, right?
BDH: Yeah, I really hope it comes soon...
Me: You seem concerned, what happened to the $2.7 million you're making this season?
BDH: Well, I spent most of it getting the tank that I drove over here in, and I spent the rest on the gas to get here...so it looks like we're gonna be chilin together for a while.
Me: My bed isn't big enough for both of us...that is, unless we spoon real close.
BDH: Deal!
Me: Wow, who knew that being so gay in high school baseball would transfer all the way to the pros? awesome. I guess the only other thing I can think of to ask you about is that whole All-Star thing and how AJ Pierfaggot got voted in.
BDH: I'm glad you mentioned...because, AJ, I know you're listening out there, and you know as well as I do that when Wrestlemania 21 comes around I'll be waiting for you. You. Me. A 2X4. And 300 square feet of Chain-link fence, Pierzynski...and it will be ...Hell....In a Cell.....

Back to Business

It's been 30 years but I'm back.
I didn't go anywhere, I'm just lazy...by which I mean I'm working at General Bookbinding, which blows.
But here's the thing...I work with that guy who's gonna kill someone. Biggest redneck I've ever met, and I've met some big'uns. Just for kicks, I like to talk to this guy just to try to get him to say "Ya know, there's a shotgun in my trunk, if you wanna hang out." or something. I mean, this guy is a few teeth short...wears a bandana regularly...has a tattoo on his right arm roughly the size of a half-dollar (not really sure what it is cuz it's so small and poorly drawn)...trash 'stache...the works. It's great. By the way, my 2 nicknames for him are "Heap" as in Trash-heap, not Todd, and the other nickname is Dr. Gummy...I chose Dr. Gummy for 2 reasons, 1 being that he's showin a lot of gum with those missing teeth, and the other reason is because this man probably didn't finish high school...so the idea of him becoming a Dr. is hilarious! He looks something like this
This job sucks.
Tribe sucks...bigtime.
The nice thing is that I blogged again and I didn't even write about anything
By the way, he didn't actually look much like that, but he is a ridiculous hillbilly.

P.S. Look at ryan's blog or I'll kill you.

This needs to be seen

look at this shit...seriously...look at it and be amazed at what people do, at Ghetto Prom '06

i suck

Turns out I really slow down with the blogging while I'm home. I don't have anything good to say anymore.
I'm a hack
A has-been.
A loser.
A choke.
A lazy bastard.
A bum.
A stiff.
A chump.
A punk.
A hack.
but I'll tell you what I'm not, which makes it all better...
I'm not a Marietta Pioneer.
Life is good.

Anderson Varejao

The following is an excerpt from Thursday's News Herald in northeast Ohio.

Pistons forward Antonio McDyess claimed Cavaliers center Anderson Varejao bit him during game 3 in Cleveland.
"I was just trying to help the team," Varejao said, "I was playing aggressive."
Varejao was then asked if his response meant he bit McDyess.
"The team bit him," he said.

If by some fluke you didn't like this guy before, you absolutely must now. I mean, look at that hair!

Spectacular!
As always, go Cavs, Tribe, and Browns!

What can you say?

So Fabolous kinda looks like Larry Hughes {4th down on left} ...just kiddin here. Anyway, Fabolous said at the start of "I'm so into you," the words "I can't really explain it..." Now, I know the Cavaliers are not a love song, or even a rap song, but really, I can't explain what they're doing and how they're doing it so well.
That's not true, I just can't explain why/how they didnt do it all season. LeBron is playing lockdown D, along with Donyell Marshall (who I still hate, by the way...glad he's playing well, but can't stand him) also actually doing stuff right. And how bout big stiff Z actually coming to play in game 5. I could go on all night, you all saw the game, the Cavaliers are beating Detroit by playing Detroit's game - that's a beautiful thing.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are 1 game away from going to the Eastern Conference Finals....
...The best part?
No Michael Jordan to slow us down.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!
by the way, Tribe won a shutout tonight, a CG gem by Jake Westbrook completely overshadowed by the Cavaliers winning in Detroit, which is fine by me.

Also, that Fabolous thing was completely unnecessary.

"bitter-sweet" defined

Yesterday, my last day at Marietta, was the definition of bitter-sweet. Obviously, I wanted/needed to get outta there, but I left a few real good friends who I'll miss sorely. I gave a little shout-out at the end of my rap entry from early Thursday morning, but that was before the goodbyes...which were rough. Really, those fellas who kept me alive and kickin I owe a huge debt of gratitude; most notably Coke and Dock for the train-walking and the looking for the Indians game, but TJ and Zach for the MC-bashing...that helped an awful lot too. The rest of the hall was pretty good too, since we basically ripped on the place whenever we felt the need, to whoever was listening. Not to mention Jeff reminding us all that I'm an asshole...
But it's just like I was sayin with Coke as we made a final trek down the hall side-by-side; it's been great with you fellas...sucked that we were at MC, but you guys - awesome.

That's all I got, there's nothing too terribly interesting to talk about, so I went the way of SportsCenter on a slow day: appeal to emotions.

About to leave

That's right ladies and gents; today is my final day at MC. In TJ's Blog he decided to drop a few rhymes to explain how he felt about this place...but Iduno about all that.
...
...
So time for me to leave Marietta
for a place that's surely betta
I can't even think of a place that's worse,
every day it feels like I'm ridin in a hearse
like this place has killed me - filled me with anger and hate
where I end up now is in the hands of fate.

The day is here, nothin left to fear,
My cell bio final just stuck it in my rear.
The credits probably won't transfer anyway
because this place is run by a big group of gays.
A huge f'in chapter of the rainbow coalition
means that everyone you see should be cleanin up the kitchen.

Furthermore, time to hit the door and move outta this place.
Never hear my rhymes again? now that just ain't the case.
There'll be plenty of time to sit and rhyme, drop some lines bout feelin fine from the room that's mine while Coke loads a 9 to blast this college down...and maybe even the rest of this crappy little town.
But that's it, now I got some shit I gotta do
and to those who love the 'Etta...
a big FUCK YOU...no offense, Hop


Ha, that was fun. Special shout-out to the fellas who helped keep me sane: TJ, Coke, Dock, Zach, big Zach, Hop, Frohegan - and most of the 2nd floor (minus the weirdos). Best of luck to all of you, and if you're ever wonderin about me...just check the blog.

-Nye

David Blaine: Drowned Alive

What the hell did I just waste that portion of my life for? If roomie Hop hadn't flipped it on, I surely would have forgotten about it - and that would have been fine by me. Seriously, what possesses this man to do the things he does?
It wasn't even a magic trick this time, it was staying underwater for 9 minutes and removing 8 sets of handcuffs off of his body in the process...oh yeah, and he had spent the previous week underwater in the damn sphere. Anyway, he didn't make it...lasted 7 minutes and 8 seconds. So let me ask ya this; what was the purpose here? If you said "it's a publicity stunt because this guy is absolutely retarded" then you were seemingly correct. The reason that I was slightly intrigued was because they said he'd either "break the record, or die trying." I've never seen someone die - let alone on national television, so how could I not have a slight interest? Neither of these things happened; he came out of the water convulsing, but still fully conscious. Stu Scott - yes, the Disney Corporation has him by a leash - tried to pawn it off by saying that we're seeing a little bit of magic from the fact that Blaine could actually walk after being underwater for a week...woopti-freaking-doo.
Damn it, I wasted 7+ minutes watching him underwater, plus 3 minutes pre-submergence, plus 5 minutes post-emergence for a grand total of over 15 minutes of my life that I want back because nothing happened other than a man running out of breath.
I hate you David Blaine.
Go chill in a block of ice over Times Square or something.

I'm angry

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO.....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO.....DODODOO-DOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOO....DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO....DO DO DO DOOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DO DO DO...DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOOEEEEEOOOOOOOOO...... DODODOOOOOOOOOO.

Under 1 week left in this hellhole.
Cavs gonna win the series tonight vs. the Wiz.
Tribe gonna take 2 outta 3 from the A's.
I'm goin home to get the van.
Not sure if everything's gonna fit in there.
Norbert responded to an e-mail.
I have zero classes left at MC, just a few finals.
1 week from right now, I'll be just waking up...then going golfing with Jensen and Reinhard.
I'm in an incredibly good mood.
I liked the Browns' draft.

Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Screw short posts

I am a sports junkie. I have a problem with them. I absolutely cannot exist without sports to distract me. I have found myself on a nearly daily basis gamecasting at least 2 MLB games while watching the NBA playoffs...then watching sportscenter from roughly 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. Not to mention how much time I wasted watching the draft (enough hours to not count on one hand) for those 5 seconds that they discuss the pick. This is all in addition to my regular checks to indians.com, espn.com, clevelandbrowns.com, and cavs.com. At this stage, all must wonder; what can I possibly gain from this?
Nothing.
And I'm OK with that.
Is there a career in knowing about sports? ...I don't know anyone working for ESPN, so I'm pretty sure that's a negative. I don't think I have much hope of becoming a pro athlete, so that's out. And I also don't have any idea how to become an announcer - even though I don't think that's what I'd wanna do as a career/major. But somehow, some way, it makes sense to love everything about pro sports (except hockey, because come on...lockouts? for hockey players? I know they're tougher than I'll ever be, but they're also waaay richer than I'll be). But seriously...as Lou Brown once said in Major League 2, "ooh yeah, I love this shit!"

That's all I got. I'm trying not to write pages and pages about the Cavs playoff showings (Bron is sick, but play some god damn defense...and stop being called for fouls that you didn't make...yeah), but they'll pull it out. And the draft was alright, I like the first 2 picks by Cleveland, and anything after the 2nd round, I just take the GM's word for it since I won't know about the guys. So yeah, pretty happy with it.

That's all, as always, go Tribe, Cavs (2 more), and Browns!

Reformation

I need to start making shorter posts.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!

The 'Etta Effect

Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.

As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye

Much ado about nothing

First thing's first, I apologize for not posting for the last week, it's just that I really couldn't top the much-discussed post of last Thursday...it was too perfectly conveying my emotions. Basically, the last 2 days have been the ultimate roller-coaster of emotions about how I feel about this place. First of all, it sucks here, without question...nothing I say in this entry will refute that.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.


In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.

The Girl Nextdoor

As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends


that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye

Some things that I miss from days gone by...

...family, close friends, girlfriend, obviously
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.