I feel like writing

So don't bother trying to stop me.
I've been thinking about life a lot lately, partly because I don't have a job. By partly, of course, I mean mostly.
Anyway, I've seen some people lately that I hadn't seen in a while, people from various walks of life. Family, friends, siblings of friends, friends of siblings, and so on.
What strikes me is that it's a strange feeling when you realize that you think of someone in a different way than they think of you. For instance, if you were dumped and refuse to accept it, it's a very different relationship from the two sides. If you broke up with someone, but both understood the situation, then that's fine. It's the same situation, but when the points of view are skewed from a central theme, things get screwy.
Recently I ran into someone who I haven't actually talked to in a couple of years. He's a good kid, and will remain completely anonymous throughout this, and I hope neither of the 2 of you who read this will waste much time trying to figure out who it is (there are a couple people who fit the mold, so it's not worth agonizing over). I spoke with him not too long ago. I realized during our conversation that I felt like he had taken a younger-brother role in my life - I have no younger brothers, so it's logical for me - but it seemed pretty clear that he saw me somewhat differently. I'm not sure it was just as a friend, or if it was as someone from his past who he thought fondly of but didn't care much about, or if it was as a family friend...but I am pretty darn sure that he did not think of me as an older brother figure.
I'm not broken up about this incident. I'm not pouting about it or anything of that sort.
But for some reason it has stuck with me and made me wonder how people evaluate relationships through different lenses (so to speak).
It's not the same as liking someone who dislikes you - that's often a lack of communication or the lack of wanting to tell someone off. It's just a strange feeling: we've had the same experiences with each other, but the interactions seem to have had a more profound effect on me than they have on him.
The funny thing is that I'd love to pull him aside and explain all of this, but I don't think it would work on account of: A) not knowing if/when we'll cross paths again, 2) it wouldn't make a lot of sense to him, especially if my hunch regarding his emotions was accurate, and C) let's say he suddenly gets it and breaks down into tears...then what? Perhaps it would turn out really well, perhaps not.
I don't know how all this sounds, but I sort of don't really care. I just wonder about it in general...which ties into the title of this blog.

That thought didn't run quite as long as I expected, but that's OK. I was also thinking about mortality a bit earlier; partly due to the cancer scare my grandfather just had, and partly due to the fact that life and death are kind of a hand-in-hand thing...think about one and you'll inevitably think about the other.
As the saying goes; it's a simple choice...get busy living, or get busy dying.
What will you make of the one wild and precious life you've been given?
You only get one shot at it.
Just stop and think about that for a few minutes.


It is wild. It is precious. Think about the incredible things that have happened to you today. As simple as waking up and seeing the rain fall down today...there are people who can't do that. What you experience on a crappy day could be the most incredible experience of someone else's life.
I'm in a very "don't forget how lucky you are" mood.
I want to get up in front of a crowd and tell people this.
This is part of why I want to be famous. Imagine if a simple lesson like this were read by more than just the 10 or 15 people I might be able to sucker into reading this. What if I had 3,000,000 followers on Twitter and 10% of them read this? Of those 10%, if 1% of those read it and thought "wow...I'm lucky. Life is good. I want to share the literal or metaphorical wealth I've been given with someone," then I'd be thrilled.
But I have a small audience. For now.

Two special shout-outs at the end of this post. First is Lou Cirino, I know you google your name now and then, and this post is partially on account of you. I was thinking about this kind of stuff before you let me borrow "The Winners Manual," and now that I'm reading it, it's just making me want to sit down and write these things. So that's what I'm doing.
Second is tricky: I'm calling myself out. Not a shout-out, per se. I'm calling myself out to get the ball rolling a little faster. I need to stop accepting it if something doesn't go my way. I need to better myself. I can control that. It's not that hard.

Can I just please be famous already?
Someone hire me for a motivational speech.
Especially if you throw out the beginning half of this post.
I'm done now.

Yep

There are a couple things that I need to get off my chest. The first is a story that I heard on the radio today.
A woman had sex with a man on Friday night. They used a condom. Apparently the condom broke at some point. The woman didn't seem to elaborate much on whether or not the guy got another one or if he just decided to ignore it and keep going. They stop having sex eventually.
The same woman had sex with a different man Saturday. While having sex, the busted condom from the night before FELL OUT OF HER VAGINA. The man stopped and abruptly left. According to the woman, he's interested in forgiving her and has been calling for the last two days.
The radio host had to say "No...there's no way a man will forget having sex with you and having someone else's condom fall out of your vagina. It's not going to happen. Good luck."
There are certain things that words don't really capture...the pure feeling of disgust that man #2 must have felt is one of those things. I imagine he has not been calling her back, and if he has, it's only because he wants to tell the woman that she's what the French call "A huge f'ing tramp."

Thing number two. I heard on the radio that there's a new dating show starting up on Fox (so you know it's classy) where the contestants are regular-person sized instead of incredibly thin/hot like on most reality shows.
I'm OK with loving who you are, I really am. I think I've even blogged on this subject before, but loving who you are does not make it OK to be unhealthy. If you're fat, it's not good for you. I'm sorry. Again, self-confidence is a good thing, but it's a lot easier to be self-confident if you don't look like the offspring of a giant bowling ball and a whale. If you want to embrace your body and love yourself despite your lack of health, you don't have to love yourself for nearly as long.
This country has made a habit of talking about how body images and eating disorders are such a horrible thing, yet we also have the highest rates of obesity in the world...how can that be? An all-or-nothing country, I suppose, but not really in a good way. If you're a girl and you'll never fit into a size 2, that's OK, but it's not OK to be a size 42. Likewise for guys, it's fine to not wear size 30 waist on a pair of jeans, but don't wear size 50 and embrace your life.
I don't really care if this comes off rude, because maybe some unhealthy people need a kick in the ass to realize that it's not OK. If you're loving yourself despite obesity then you're loving your over-worked heart, your clogged arteries, and your increased likelihood of an early death...sounds like a blast!

Jeter Drops pop-up, Blames Fan

Fenway Park, Boston.
A routine infield pop-up in Wednesday night's Red Sox-Yankees game turned anything but routine as perennial All-Star Derek Jeter camped under the ball.
"I was right under it, I was sure I had it," said Jeter afterward. "But that guy in section 448, upper deck, right field corner...he yelled 'Miss it!' and it totally shook me."
It's common practice at ballparks nationwide for fans to try razzing on opposing fielders in hopes that they misplay the ball, but now we have an answer for if it actually works.
When questioned on the subject, Yankee center fielder Johnny Damon responded "Oh hell yeah! I'd say 95% of the balls I miss are because fans shout out for it when I'm about ready to catch it." He then added, "some skeptical fans claim that it doesn't work, but trust me, it does."
The miscue couldn't have come at a worse time for the Yankees; the bases were loaded for the Sox, who were threatening to break the game open.
Making matters worse for the Bombers was the batter - David Ortiz. Ortiz has been in an extended slump for the course of the season, but perhaps no more.
"It wasn't so much the hit that pulled me out of it, it was actually the guy sitting next to the one who psyched out Jeter...as the pitch was coming in he muttered 'please hit the ball,' so that's what I went for," said the slugger in a postgame interview.
Jeter was also thrown off on every other ball hit to him under similar circumstances. "Yeah, someone seemed to say something every time the ball came to me. And the guy yelling 'whiff' every time I swung the bat definitely contributed to my three strikeouts on 9 pitches."
When asked about his 0-3, 3 strikeout hitting performance, Alex Rodriguez responded "Me? No, I didn't hear anyone say anything, I just accidentally changed my calendar to October."

Suck it, Yankees fans.

Stupid iPod

Hey fellas: Been here?

I went to work out a few days ago. Of course I had my iPod (except mine is called the Kevin NyePod) strapped to my lower bicep. It was in such a position that you could see it at the end of the sleeve of my shirt.
I tend to not use the "Hold" button on the Kevin NyePod because I like to leave it on shuffle and this affords me the ability to skip over tracks and change the volume, yada yada yada.
Sometimes I get into a groove and hit a string of songs that mesh together well and thus I don't skip around - makes sense. I like to listen to upbeat music while I'm working out and try to avoid slow songs.
I was sitting down on a bench between sets and just sort of zoning out and looking around. I glanced around and tried to see if I could decipher what album covers I could see on other folks' iPods. Now obviously, I should have been able to see them on everyone's because it's been proven that every college student who owns an iPod downloads exclusively from iTunes and pays the standard price to legally obtain digital music. [citation needed]
However, as I looked around I didn't see much so I went back to my workout.
I was facing hte mirror at this point, sitting down to do a shoulder press and on my second repetition I noticed something: I could see in the mirror that the NyePod was glowing.
Without the "Hold" button on, the pod had taken action and woken up due to the motion of my workout. The backlight went on, the album cover popped up, and it occurred to me what I was listening to...

"7 Things I Hate About You."

I was 2 reps in; now I had to decide whether or not I should put the weight down and finish the set or just ignore it and act like I'm owning my embarassing moment.
Really, it didn't matter what I did...and it won't matter what you do if this happens to you.
Either way, you're a loser.

If you're wondering why I was listening to that song or how it got on the NyePod, you've obviously never heard the song.

This Could Get Weird

OK, fair warning. I'm writing this from bed at about 2:20 A.M.
One may think that this would be my preemptive apology for any misspellings or anything like that, but that's not why I added that disclaimer. The disclaimer is because there's a good chance I go crazy at some point during this post.
I'm really pretty sure I'm moving along that slippery slope.
There comes a point most nights where I give up on thinking clearly and try to just confuse myself to sleep, but that doesn't work.
I've been sleeping poorly for a solid year now, and I know I'm not the only one, so I'm not going to try making that claim. Almost every night I wake up once before 5 A.M. and it's usually before 4...so maybe I'll skip out on that tonight since it's so soon.
I have the habit of thinking about every single thing that bothers me in my life while I'm trying to relax and fall asleep. I know that's not helpful, but I can't help it. It's what I do.
Tonight's not really an exception. I'm not really sure what I'm tense about, but I am, and it blows.
Making matters worse is that I was incredibly tired for the majority of the day...until I committed to trying to sleep. Since that moment I've woken up more and more by the minute.
And I'm convinced that I'm about to snap.
I want to get up and lower my shoulder in a dead-sprint through my bedroom door.
I want to light a stuffed animal on fire and wonder through the flames about whether or not that makes me a damaged person.
I want to stand up and flex every muscle in my body, utter a guttural, primal scream and slam a hole through my closet doors.
Or I want to get some fucking sleep.

And the consequences?
I know it makes me irritable, I start to get rude. I don't feel like putting up with people, but then I feel rejected if they don't put up with me. It's not fair to me or them.
My emotions are heightened when they should be dulled down for the night.
How long will I ramble?
Doesn't matter, writing won't put me to sleep. I can only hope it clears the mind a little bit.
I feel the edge starting to wear off. So I'm done for now.
The brain is a fickle thing.
It really makes you wonder sometimes.

Everything Sucks on this Programming Network

I've got to hand it to you ESPN, you've done it again.
The first time you lost me was when the Mitchell Report came out. Then it was when anyone went on trial. Then it was when anyone did anything stupid. Then it was the ultimate highlight tournament. Now it's Mount Rushmore. But somehow, it's also Alex Rodriguez too! I don't understand how you can literally show next to nothing on ESPN when you have about 6 networks. I remember when Dodgeball came out and everyone giggled at the idea of ESPN 8: the Ocho. But here we are with ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN Classic, ESPNews, ESPNU, ESPN Plus, and ESPN on ABC (whatever the hell that means).
The most remarkable part is that if I were to turn on any of those channels today, I would hear about Alex Rodriguez taking steroids.
Wait a minute...there's a professional baseball player who took steroids in 2003 and won the MVP with outstanding numbers? What's that? 105 guys in the league tested positive that year? And there was no consequence to failing the test that year? So there's really nothing that can come of this other than blowing it out of proportion? He can't be reprimanded for this because IT WASN'T ILLEGAL AT THE TIME TO TEST POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS, SO WHO THE HELL CARES?
ESPN has managed to once again devote roughly 16 hours a day to a non-story. A guy who has gained 60 pounds of muscle in 10 years took steroids? He's a freaking body-builder at this point, and so is everyone else in the league. Furthermore, what ever happened to Sportscenter til 1, then obscure sports until about 4 or 5? Now Sportscenter goes until 3 P.M.! What the hell for? Especially because it gets followed up by a sport-specific highlight show!
So in conclusion, ESPN, I've fallen out of love with you. You used to make my day: every morning I'd get up and watch you for about three hours, making sure I knew the ins and outs of every highlight - because that's what made the show...highlights - and I loved it. Then you changed: now I have to sit through you talking to a correspondent from each major sport that's had a game played in the last 24 hours (Barry Melrose, Mel Kiper, Ed Werder, Buster Olney, and Tim Legler do not belong in the same hour of TV). You're not worth my time anymore, ESPN. You used to be cool...what happened?

It makes you wonder whose assholes ideas these were, doesn't it?

The truth

Here's what it comes down to. For the majority of my football-loving life, I've been a Cleveland Browns fan. The sad truth is that I don't even care anymore.
I used to get mad at people who I'd deem fair-weather fans because I couldn't accept people not giving their time to a crappy team and then reaping the benefits when the team finally does succeed. The days of that are over, and here's why.

I don't care about the Cleveland Browns right now. I know that's easy to say because it's the off-season, but the point remains the same. Look at the facts: they've made the playoffs once since their return in 1999, and the 10-6 fruitless season of 2007 proved to be other winning season since the re-inception of the team.

The Browns are a product. If there's one universal fact about the sporting world, it's that these teams - and leagues - are businesses. The product which the Cleveland Browns are putting out is, let's face it, a really shitty product. When you don't score a touchdown for a month and get shut out by one of the other perennial losers, your product is terrible. Let's not overlook the fact that this product comes complete with one hour of commercials in your three hours of television: especially because the Browns had a habit of going 3-and-out roughly 8 times a game so there was about a minute and a half of football between 3-minute commercial sets.
THAT IS A TERRIBLE PRODUCT.
One more glance at the comedy of errors that the Browns have become shows that Sports Illustrated's senior writer Peter King (who is a retard) picked Cleveland as his sleeper pick for this past NFL season: the corner of the front-page of the September 8th issue of SI read "Keep an eye on the Cleveland Browns, Here's why, by Peter King." A hopeful article followed; with details of how the Browns were hoping to move into the playoff-contender stage after being so close the previous season.
King forgot something: the team sucks.
They have sucked for quite some time.
They will continue to suck.
And if they don't continue to suck, you can bet your ass that I'll jump back into being a fan.
And if you even try to get mad at me for that, think of it from a business sense: I'm investing my worthy-time in other places until they show me they're not an organization full of ass-clowns.

Makes you wonder how they can inspire such ridiculous emotions.
PS, kudos to the Steelers. There's your proof that I don't care about the Browns right now, I'm congratulating the Steelers for being the best franchise in the NFL. They're f'ing incredible.