selfless promotion

of myself.
Coke and a few others have been so kind as to produce the first and only pirate newspaper: for pirates, by pirates, at http://30lashes.blogspot.com I'm a contributor for obvious reasons.
you should check this out, it's pretty awesome.

until next time I get a good idea,
adieu.

Philosophy of humor

I'm discussing humor with a couple people right now, and it's getting me thinking about life in general.
I like to think that without humor, we have nothing. Humor is the essence of life as we know it. What are we doing with our lives? Well, hopefully, we're being entertained by some form of humor.
If we don't have humor, what exactly do we have?
If we can't hear the sound of laughter, if we cant smile at something funny, if we can't smile because someone else is smiling at something funny, what the hell are we doing?
With this in mind, I'm dedicating my life to making people laugh. I've got about 4 minutes of stand-up material written (done in the last 24 hours) and I've got several ideas that need to be pared down.
To help prove this point, I'm going to be carrying out a lie in the near future that only a handful of people know about...and the whole point of this lie is because it's funny. If it doesn't harm anyone, and I (along with a few in the know) think it's funny, then how bad can it be, right?
I guess the point of all this is that I feel like laughter is the essence of life, and it's among my goals to simply make people laugh as often as I can.
That's my new goal in life...make people laugh.

Strange

The past...iduno...2 weeks I've been pulling off the most consistently stupid thing a person can possibly do.
I've been actively putting off sleep to waste time being awake.
Why do we do this? Why would we avoid what's natural, logical, and altogether smart to do something completely useless? Why is it that I have made a habit out of talking to Ryan Beatty at roughly 2 a.m. because we're both too stupid to go to bed? Are your fingers the last part of your body to fall asleep? I mean, I'll sit here, my head is tilted so far off to the side that I can barely tell what I'm typing, eyes blurry, thinking about how tired I am...talking about how tired I am...and then I'll just go ahead and start youtubing videos of free running or america's funniest home videos or even less important crap. This, of course, in between ridiculous conversation with whoever is online. Take, for instance, the following conversation with beatty last night:

laskdkjfm: you ever start to think...sometimes when you are talkin to people online they are working themselves out
nyebergod: weird concept
nyebergod: cuz i've done it
nyebergod: i mean, not while talking to you
nyebergod: but i've been spankin one out and held a semi-conversation online
laskdkjfm: ye ive done it before
laskdkjfm: really bad convos
laskdkjfm: all one word answers
nyebergod: yeah, they're terrible
nyebergod: imagine getting busted via internet
laskdkjfm: haha
nyebergod: like, not really answering someone and having them be like "...are you jerkin off or somethin?"
laskdkjfm: hahahaha
nyebergod: i mean...i'd probably admit it, just cuz of how outrageous that'd be
laskdkjfm: ye it would
laskdkjfm: "actually im jackin off to lesbian midgets dressed at little aliens"
laskdkjfm: haha
nyebergod: haha
laskdkjfm: not like ive done that
nyebergod: definitely not
nyebergod: i havnet bookmarked "www.lesbianmidgetaliens.com"

We seriously had that conversation at 2:15 a.m. last night. And what's worse, is that it carried on for another half an hour or something so i didnt even end up going to bed til like 3. Why?
because I'm completely retarded.
Oh, by the way - it's standard practice for every conversation with anyone, ever, to include the phrase "...niccce." If you haven't seen this south park episode/clip, go here, now: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CkeCGwycsh8
if you didn't click that link, our friendship is over.

Ramble

I have nothing on the top of my head about what to write, I just feel like I should write something.
I'm pretty pissed off that Fox Sports never wrote me back after my angry letter to those bums. Obviously, since I'm home in snowy Chesterland, it's not an issue about seeing the Cavaliers play.
Speaking of snow, we got hit with about 6 inches of the fluffy white stuff last night...I haven't seen this much powder since I hung out with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Ba-zing!
Brown? like the Cleveland Browns? the team who actually won a game Sunday? Man...I did not see that comin. We actually looked like a football team - who knew? This might seal the deal that I was wrong about my bet that we'd lose more players for the season than wins we'd have in the season; at 4-8 with 3 starters out, I think I just lost. Needless to say, I don't mind.
I might just start freestylin for kicks. Like when I'm out Christmas shopping I'm gonna record a beat on my phone then just walk up to people, press play and like "yo...bitch...yo....yo...I'm Christmas shoppin and poppin while you stoppin and watchin as I break your will with my looks that kill. You buyin presents for your moms as I chill and drop bombs about buyin some hoodies and fillin stocking with goodies for your little brother...by the way - I forgot to thank your mother." and then I'd have someone with to go start jumpin up and down goin "OHHHHH SHIT...THAT'S HOT!" and stuff like that.
Yeah...Kevin Nye, the Christmas freestyler. Comin to a mall near you, Christmas season '06*.

That's all I got right now, Cavaliers need to crack down. Brownies actually won. Tribe made some ridiculous signing of some guy with an Italian name...we all know how good Italians are at baseball. Seriously - name one Italian born MLB player, I dare you.
ok I'm done.
* the mall near you, assuming that you're near the Great Lakes Mall in Mentor, Ohio.

COLLEGE FREAKING BASKETBALL

I love college basketball.
I could end the post right there, because from this point I'm just gonna ramble on that topic.
I'm gonna ramble like Seth McFarlane when he runs out of ideas.

Anyway, I watched the majority of the UNC/OSU game tonight, and it has led me to believe that UNC has "it." There are routine studies to find out what exactly "it" is, but I'm pretty sure that UNC has whatever that thing happens to be. Having said that, OSU's good too - Greg Oden should be interesting to see in action. There's a lot of factors - as proven by things like Amare Stoudemire coming back into the Suns' lineup last year, you don't just come back and instantly help the team out and be a star player...there's chemistry issues, there's physical issues, etc. However, that guy's huge - and according to your mother, size matters.

In other college basketball news, I believe I have a sweet 16 to pick....so without further ado, I bring you Kevin Nye's end-of-November Sweet 16 projections:
1. North Carolina - Hansbrough and co. have enough to get them into the 3rd ring of the tourney...however, might not have the size to make it to the finals.
2. Georgetown - Hibbert owns the inside, case closed.
3. OSU - yeah...don't really know what else to say.
4. Florida - This is a no-brainer. All 5 returning from the defending champs.
5. Kansas - Just pulled off a wild win vs. Florida a few days ago, proving that they've got the talent. However, Kansas always loses early, so keep an eye on that one.
6. Nevada - Nick Fazekas is too good to be stopped before the sweet 16...he's about to win his 3rd straight conference player of the year.
7. Arizona - Lute Olsen's got a hell of a crew in there, Chase Budinger is 6'7 with a 42" vertical...that's sick (he was also national high school volleyball player of the year...imagine his intramural team, eh? oh yeah, and he averaged 34 points and 11 boards a game in high shcool...nasty).
8. UConn - Jim Calhoun gets it done with zero returning starters.
9. Texas - This is actually a surprise pick since Texas is also returning zero starters. But Kevin Durant will win big 12 player of the year - write that down...oh...I guess I already did. nevermind.
10. UCLA - I'm not entirely sold on them, but they did make the final 4 last year, and I don't know much about the PAC-10, but they get the nod here.
11. LSU/Alabama - I know, I'm cheating by picking 2 teams...but it's only because I'm not sold on either of these teams...but they're very highly rated, and Alabama's returning 4 starters...building on last year's 2nd round exit...LSU obviously had the final 4. But still, I think Big Baby is too trimmed down and he'll get eaten up inside...and they'll just not be that good.
12. Wichita State - can't exclude the Shockers for 2 reasons; 1 is that they beat tennessee as a 15 seed last year and are coming back with 4 out of their 5, and 2 is that their freaking name is the shockers.
13. Syrause - No McNamara, no problem, I say. Their other 4 are back and they have a sick frosh...and that pesky 2-3 they run is damn near perfect when Jim Boeheim gets a hold of them.
14. Southern Illinois - Salukis reppin' the MVC....biatch.
15. San Diego State - Aztec love mothafuckaz. Got the probably mountain west winners in here.
16. Gonzaga - Chuck helped this pick. I hated Morrison, but I like Raivio, Josh Heytvelt is pretty solid in the post, and Altidor-Cespedes was the sneaky stud on that team last year...so what the hell, Prueter gets the call.

That's it brothers and sisters. Those are my sweet 16 picks.
Obviously, since I can only pick about 11 out of 16 correctly when I have the list of the 32 available teams in front of me, I don't expect to get more than about 8 of these correct. Oh well, such is life. I figure 8 right is about as good as 8 wrong.
I'm talkin more nonsense than a Vietnamese prostitute on a military camp, I gotta stop.
Come on Cavs...let's get it back together.
Browns? you're almost dead to me...but like a dead family member, I still love ya.
sigh.

My letter to FSN

I hate it when seemingly intelligent television stations do stupid things. Last year at that little school east of here I wrote a scathing letter to comcast cable after they managed to show the same bengals/steelers game on both of their cbs channels. Profane, angry, yet structured. Ultimately I got a response that basically said they'd be forced to put my opinions in the trash folder. ...seems pretty stupid to me, considering an angry opinion means a lot more than a rational, calm opinion...if you ask me that is. Anyway, I decided to take a hint from those retards and send a letter along to FSN Ohio discussing how they've shown the Blue Jackets instead of the Cavaliers each of the last two times they've each played simultaneously.
So, here it is.


I'm a student at Ohio University, hailing from the Cleveland area, and I'm appalled at the fact that twice in a row, FSN Ohio has showed the Columbus Blue Jacket hockey game instead of the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball game. I realize that we're geographically closer to Columbus than Cleveland, but here is a list of reasons that this scheduling :
1. The Blue Jackets have the worst record in their division.
2. The Cavaliers have the best record in their conference.
3. LeBron James is the most marketable athlete in the world today - providing the Cavaliers with one of the largest fan-bases in the NBA.
4. The NHL locked out for an entire season and came back - yet no one seemed to notice; the NHL is the least-watched professional sport short of the WNBA.
5. I have never met anyone who can name more than 1 player on the Columbus Blue Jackets.
6. I don't know anyone who can't name 1 player on the Cleveland Cavaliers (this is clearly related to #3).

The bottom line is that it's preposterous to put any NHL game (the Stanley Cup last year drew worse ratings than regular season MLB games...which is embarassing) on instead of any NBA game - especially when said NBA game features 2 of the league's best players in LeBron James and Kevin Garnett.
In closing, I understand that FSN Ohio is contracted to show games featuring both of these teams; I just find it ridiculous to think that the last two times they played simultaneously, the Blue Jackets were deemed more important.
I expect changes.


There you have it. I expect changes, and a response.
Based on the response I get, I might not only post the response, but then counter-argue and unleash the proverbial beast on them. I'm pumped.

Basketball season.

I'm so pumped that basketball's back. This is the best time of the year. I love this. When do I ever seem this excited about a post? During basketball season, that's when.
Everything is good about this. I'm watching some NIT regional finals - gonzaga vs. baylor. I must say, I like the zags a lot more now that Morrison's gone - I can't stand him. They got Raivio back, and they have Pierre Altidor-Cespedes...whose nickname is in the works. Baylor's getting killed, but I will continue to watch because it's college basketball! yes! Saw a bit of the UNC game earlier, good times. I was shocked to see that Tyler Hansbrough's career high in rebounds was only 11. I know he's only been in for a year and a couple games...but he's a power forward/center who pretty much out-athletes everyone....Iduno, it was just surprising.
Speaking of surprising...Kansas already started choking! Awesome! I pick them every year and they already blew it! Oral Roberts wins by a convincing 7 point margin. Kansas came in ranked #3, I don't know who they were kidding. I'm looking forward to them once again choking their way into the toughest region at a 3 or 4 seed and eeking through the first round...maybe 2 rounds, and then getting beaten by double digits. Mark it down, you can set your calendar by it. Nothing marks the tail end of March like a Kansas choke. I love college basketball.
The Cavaliers are good. Larry Hughes left the game with a bruised leg, that's no fun, but at least it's just a bruise. I'm not even writing about interesting stuff here, I don't know what's going on.
I'm really tired...and I have a lot of studying to do - 1 final down, 3 to go. I shouldn't have stayed up til 5 plotting pranks last night. Stupid college kids.
...just a thought...as I'm watching ESPN during halftime...is this Karl Ravech? I haven't seen his face yet, but is Karl Ravech really pulling off college basketball analysis? This is something that needs to be examined.
I'm going to bed.
Go Cavs, Browns, and Tribe!

Million dollar question.

So last night I was pretending to study and talking to Ski when we discussed a very interesting question.
I mentioned to him that Britney Spears had filed for divorce from that stud Kevin Federline. Obviously, one day later, this basically becomes old news. However, the question stands:
Would you still have sex with Britney Spears?
Let's take a deeper look at the pros and cons.
Pros: She's still Britney Spears; you fantasized about her endlessly from about 8 years ago to about 3 years ago and rightfully so - she was gorgeous. She had everything going for her that a girl could have; a pretty good voice, great looks, lots of money, and Justin Timberlake at her side (and really, no one would have been mad if they had stuck together). Plain and simple, Britney Spears was the balls. Furthermore, now that she's split from that trash-pile, she will most likely get back into the spotlight and clean herself up. Granted she's got kids now, but Pamela Anderson and Heidi Klum have quite easily proven that hollywood moms stay hotter than hell if they so desire. Also, let's not rule out another album within the next year or so - taking a heart-break (if you can call it that) and turning it into a successful album is anything but strange in the music biz (see: Tragic Kingdom from No Doubt)...and clearly, in order to have a new album out, she'll have to get hot again.
now.
Cons: Kevin Federline had sex with her.
There are more cons than that...but seriously, that one trumps anything else you can ever come up with. That's worse than her new-found passion for cigarettes and ugly guys.
Worse than her disappearance from the lime-light to live in something resembling a mobile home.
Worse than her 55 hour marriage to a child-hood friend.
Worse than her tattoo-history: her first tattoo was of Chinese characters on her leg which she thought read "mysterious" but actually read "strange." and her 2nd tattoo is a Kabbalah/Hebrew tattoo on the back of her neck - which she has tried twice...the first one was gibberish, this one is one of the 70ish Kabbalah words for "god."
Seriously though, K-Fed trumps all that...and it hurts.

So there you have it; the pros and cons laid out for you to make your own decision - I expect comments.

P.S. I'd wait 6 months during her mourning period, then rock her world.

Inspiration

You loyal readers may recall that I made a motivational post preaching the point that if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.
That's still true.
But I'm here today to talk on a different - but related - subject.
It's time for a little story about why I am the way I am.

As you probably know, I'm not exactly the type of guy who does something because other people do it. It's not that I'm an attention-whore and trying to get people to notice me because I'm different...it's not that I have a vendetta against people who do things that I don't do...it's none of that.
Basically, the reason that I am how I am - that being why I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do stuff that people tell me to do just because they do it - is because of a simple lesson that I managed to conjure up from my own life's experience.
It comes down to the fact that someone's always watching.
See, people ask me all the time why I don't drink, and I always have different answers: I've made up stories, I've exaggerated truths, I've tried simple reasoning, I've done it all...but the best way I can explain it is that someone is always watching.
In case you didn't know, I've got myself 2 older brothers who totally kick ass. The whole time they were growing up, I was right behind them by 5ish years - watching everything they did...desperately wishing I was their age and got to drive and do cool stuff whenever I wanted. Basically, my brothers and their friends were my heroes - and I always noticed that they were really good role models (hard not to notice when you are practically stalking them). I started to think about why that could have been, and thought that maybe it had something to do with me. I don't want to make any bold statements like this, but I took that and formed my own opinion.
During high school, you quite obviously will start to experience some new things and get into new types of situations...and every time I was faced with one of these decisions, I'd always do what I thought would be the right thing because deep down I knew that someone was watching. Somewhere out there, someone would know and it would let them down. I remember a conversation with Coach Rosati about it early on in my high school days about how by being a part of the football team, you take on a role model status for all of those little kids who play lions club through middle school football.
The thought of letting down people who look up to you was and still is something I could/can never get over. I guess the reason I thought of all this is because of the unusual situation on Saturday night where I was at a party with mostly juniors in high school - a couple of which were worth seeing. One of whom was talking about looking up to guys like myself and the other guys in my grade...hearing things like that make you realize that whether or not you were thinking about it - those guys were watching. Further proof and further bolstering of my beliefs and practices.
Iduno, I just felt like motivating a little bit...deep down, someone's always watching
watching, judging, smiling, hi honey, look at the baby, look at the baby.
Seriously though, there's always someone who knows, and sometimes the littlest things stick with people. Tiny snippets that seem insignificant to you can make all the difference in the world to someone else.

A motivational quote that fits nicely right here, courtesy of Lou Cirino: "Never, if possible, lie down at night without being able to say: I made one human being, at least a little wiser, a little happier, or a little better this day."


That's all I have right now, I promise next time will be funnier.
Adieu.

Unrelated thoughts

I'm gonna go in a few different directions here...first of all, there was a meeting in the lobby today. The banner read FREE SEX Information. ...I thought that was pretty clever. Anyway, at the meeting, they passed out green condoms and some condom education sheets. Some things that I think are worth mentioning about this are as follows: What kind of girl would be willing to have sex with a man who put on a green condom? Seriously, why don't they pass out a condom that you could use on people that aren't blind (cuz how many blind hotties have you ever met? Just out of curiosity, is all)?
The other thing that should be noted about this seemingly good idea for a meeting is they gave out a sheet titled "13 steps for Using a Condom Correctly" Step 1. Get consent.
Get consent for what? Are you about to have sex with a girl and then have to ask if you can use a condom? If she says no, do you not have sex? What is going on here? This is just about the strangest thing I've ever read.

Let's get to more interesting stuff.
Cavaliers opened, won, outplayed the Wizards. Larry Hughes is very good at basketball again, that's nice. LeBron James is still real good, although he didn't do anything that absolutely blew me away (save having 2 very nice blocks). Any way you slice it, Cavs won, 1 down, 81 Ws to go. Got the Spurs Friday night in what'll surely be a barn-burner.
Browns finally got a W on the same day that the Bengals and Steelers lost. For those 5 hours or so, all was right in the world. Then you look at the stat sheet and realize that we still were held under 300 yards of offense and you realize that Jeff Davidson had very little to do with that win, and that the defense really just rocked the Jets' socks off. That's not to say that Davidson didn't commit to the run, as advertised. Droughns did end up with 33 carries for 125 yards, which was pretty sweet. Iduno, I'm not holding out a ton of hope for this week, but as a Cleveland fan, I'm eternally optimistic.


More other news, Halloween at OU really is pretty wild. This year was a supposedly small crowd, which is really something considering that there were an ass-load of people in town. Iduno, lots of people, lots of fun, good times, I'm going to bed so I can actually get a decent night's sleep before I drive home tomorrow.
Keep on keepin' on, Cleveland sports fans, I dig ya.



that would be my sign off if I were a Cleveland sports personality.

Quick note

Just a thought. Coke blogged about John Kerry being a tool. And even before that happened, I was thinking about Kerry today. Here's my question to those badass democrats out there. If you're so tough...and the Democrats are so correct...and Bush sucks so badly...how come you lefties didn't produce anyone better that could possibly win the election?
That was just a thought that came to me today.
I'll blog something more interesting in the next few days...like how the Browns won a game! and how the Cavvies start Wednesday night!
Woo-hoo! The sports world is looking up!

p.s. I'm not bashing democrats, and I'm not a hardcore conservative or anything...I can't stand that people are still complaining about this.

Ranklings

Dictionary.com definition....here.

Some things just get me goin...
- FedEx Express. This still gets me. Federal Express Express. jackasses

- I think it's time we think about re-evaluating the border policy in this fine country. It's gone too far. We strive so hard to let people feel like they're true Americans that we manage to alienate those who were born here and have earned the benefits. I'm not proposing anything outlandish here, and I'm well aware of the American stigma of going to other countries and seeming to demand respect from people and - much worse - being surprised or even offended that these people don't speak english. I propose something far more entertaining in nature, albeit impossible.
That's right, I propose that we start giving foreign born citizens jobs where we don't have to listen to them talk. Furthermore, I propose that other countries stop feeding into the American ego. If I go to a tourist spot in Morocco, I expect Moroccan to be spoken. Just like if a Moroccan came to OU, they'd expect english. Who are we to say that other countries shoudl help cater to us? What kind of pricks are we?
The real point of all of this is that I really don't like listening to teachers for 2 hours when they can't even speak english. I think we need to stop this process bigtime. The only way to cut off the american dream of doing whatever you want in America is to get the word out that you can't do whatever you want. For instance, if I moved to China and just began to grasp the language, would they hire me as a teacher to help fill a quota? Hell, no. So why should we be doing this over here? It just doesn't make sense.
If I moved to China, you know where they'd stick me and my crappy dialect? Right where I belong...in an American food restaurant. And I'd accept my niche.


- ...foreign professors

- New York sports teams.

- Terrell Owens being a big d-bag. It's fine to not be satisfied with the way things are going and to strive for better things, but come on. At least he's not knocking Tony Romo, I guess.
Speaking of Tony Romo, he completely stole the moment from Drew Bledsoe. Drew Bledsoe has made his career out of throwing back-breaking INTs in the waning moments of games that look like they might be winnable. Monday night, Bledsoe's out, Romo's in, the Cowboys have a shot, yadda yadda yadda, 95 yard INT return for a TD. Poetic Justice is served.

- Hippies. This could be about 200 pages worth of Ranklings.

- Gary Baxter's patellar tendons. For those of you who don't know, Baxter is on the Browns, and he just tore both patellar tendons - which are the tendon connecting your knee cap to your shin in the front of your knee. It's not so much that Baxter tore his...it's this: When one PT (for short) is torn, you're all but immobile, there's no way you're moving faster than an awful, 1-footed walk...so in order for Baxter to have torn both, he must have done it at the EXACT SAME TIME. What an athlete. Absolutely incredible.

- And of course...The Omen. That movie sucked.

Some things to address

First thing's first...Notre Dame is going to start paying me to go to their games because they just can't seem to do anything but come thru with huge comeback victories when I'm in attendance. I'm 2-0 this year in the best comebacks I've ever seen - Frank Reich-esque.
I could go into complete detail about the whole weekend, but I'll short-hand it: Lou Bits and I headed to Chicago Friday night for the free place to stay with his girlfriend Emma - nice trip, nice city, awful traffic. We headed to ND in the morning, yadda yadda yadda, got to the game later than we'd hoped so we just went into the stadium without visiting campus much. The game was insane, comeback victory 2nd only to the MSU comeback of 4 games ago. We wandered campus for a couple hours, culminating with over-spending but under-buying at the bookstore.
Time to address college football as a whole: Calvin Johnson deserves to have the ball thrown to him every play, regardless of how many defenders are on him. Go to www.ramblinwreck.com and click on the Calvin Johnson-All American link on the top right...watch that video, then tell me that Reggie Ball is the dumbest QB in college football for not throwing to him every single play. Florida State sucks (sorry TJ). Miami's thug-mania. I hate Nebraska. MSU actually came back to win over Northwestern...very uncharacteristic of John L. Smith - who sucks. Ray Rice needs to be taken seriously as a Heisman contender. I know he's playing against semi-crappy competition, but he just rambled all over Pitt for 225 yards - not to mention that he's running behind Rutgers' not-so-stalwart offensive line. Let's see...what else...uhh...iduno, OSU/Michigan should be pretty big, eh? Yeah, that'll be something. Let's move on.
To the NFL Sunday! ...ouch. Cleveland sucks. Bigtime. Nice to know that Gary Baxter is now out for the season with a torn patellar tendon - same as LeCharles Bentley. Remember when I predicted that the Browns would have more people out for the season by week 8 than they would wins in the whole season? Well, we're coming into week 8 right now with 3 starters down for the season and 1 win under our belt...with a grand total of 3 seemingly winnable games left: the Jets, Bucaneers, and Texans. I guess the Chiefs and Steelers could be winnable in the sense that the NFL is unpredictable. But as for the other games (Ravens, Bengals, Falcons, and Chargers) we have no chance whatsoever. This is depressing, I'm just gonna move on.
There were some other NFL games yesterday, some field goals that won games...some other crap I didn't care about.
Kenny Rogers had pine-tar on his hand. No doubt about it, that was pine-tar. That didn't even look like dirt. If you've ever played baseball and had pine-tar on your hand at some point, you know that was pine-tar. What a dick.
I'm gonna go ahead and cry about how awesome saturday was and how much the Browns suck.

I'm so college

So here's my day*:
I woke up this morning...cotton-mouth. You can guess why, I mean, last night was Tuesday. So anyway, I turn off my cell phone alarm clock and get out of bed - ignoring that girl whose name eludes me (just kidding). I get to the floor and realize I have to be at class in like 10 minutes - way across campus, what a drag. So I throw on my ratty jeans and my OHIO t-shirt...might be cold...so I put on my OU hoodie over it. Anyway, I grab my notebooks and stuff and throw it all in my sweet new Under Armour backpack...ya know...in case my notebook gets sweaty, and head off to class, jammin out the whole way to the newest and hottest tracks - as decided by the ever-reliable youth of America.
I get to class - so boring. I sit there for a little bit and just zone out, eventually falling asleep; hangover, anyone? Whatever, I can get the notes online anyway. Once I wake up I go back to the usual classroom routine of texting that girl from last night to see what she's doin now. Pay attention? ...please.
Anyway, once all my gay classes are over I head to the sweet dining hall to eat some first class food. I heard they put laxatives in your food...since it's mass produced they do it to make sure the viruses in the food don't stay in your system...gross.
Anyway, after the food's done I figure it's time to head back and do some good old fashioned facebook stalking. After about an hour of that, it seems like I should probably do some homework so I don't fail out of this place...after all, if I'm still here, I can still party, right? lol.
Homework's done, time for dinner, definitely ordering pizza tonight...maybe throw down some natty in the dorm.
Bout time we had a little fun today, right? Before we get it goin, I gotta make sure I impress some ladies...time to walk around shirtless. I mean, I lifted bigtime yesterday - totally cock-diesel - as we college kids like to say.
Seriously though, once we're ready to get this rowdy Wednesday night started, I throw on my favorite polo and - you know it - pop the collar so freakin hard it almost touches my ears.
From there, the rest of the night is pretty much a blur. Iduno, livin' the college life...it's rough, but it's the life for me. oh...hang on...there's like 50 hot girls coming in here right now...yeah...they all want me.




* - on a daily basis, I'd say approximately 1 of these things actually occurs in my life.

Cavaliers Pre-season opener 1st half Running Blog

Excited about doing this; a complete spur of the moment occurrence. I decided at roughly 7:04 that this was gonna happen, so I apologize if I didn't properly prepare for it. Let it begin!

7:05: Mike Brown interview: Al Roker lookalike jokes commence.
7:06: That was a really fast interview.
7:07: First Cavaliers "all for one, one for all" ticket promotion commercial of the new season! The new announcer sounds a little bit like Michael Reghi, but obviously can't fill those shoes. Oh well - I'd love tickets, but school is far from home.
7:08: FSN high school football game of the week is St. Ed's vs. St. Ignatius: if that's gibberish to you; read someone else's blog.
7:09: We're back! Austin's filling us in on all sorts of contradictory statements - good to see some things never change.
Also, there appears to be a slightly mis-shaven patch on the back of Drew Gooden's head - I wonder who cut his hair? ...probably had nothing to do with Brittany Eskew...WG people should get that reference.
7:10: Bron just did the chalk clap...bitchin.
7:10: tip-off, Z vs. Ratliff...awful tip, Celts get it.
7:11: ARE YOU KIDDING?? Bron rips a pass out of the passing lane, takes it down on the break, slams it down 23 seconds into the new season. Austin Carr points out that LeBron "usually" finishes strong in the open court. ...Thanks Austin. Great point.
7:13: Larry Hughes gets bucket #2 for the Cavvies, good looking jumper.
Next possession, Bron flicks great over the head pass to Drew, who gets the and-1 layup (brick's the FT)
7:14: Bron hits from 18, 4 points in 3 minutes: at this rate he'll have 64.
7:16: Ridiculous left-handed layup by TheBron on a fastbreak as he now has 6 early points. The New Announcer makes the revelation "imagine what it's like to have LeBron James bearing down at you on the fast-break." Yeah...I'd never thought of that...except every time Michael Reghi reminded me of LeBron's "Manly takes" to the rim...I'm just desperately trying to make fun of this new guy cuz I miss Michael - who just so happens to be appearing on the current commercial for Browns Table TV show. I digress, back to the game.
7:19: Eric Snow misses his first open jumper of the new year...Cavalier fans everywhere cringe. However, Damon Jones enters the game for entertainment purposes only.
7:20: "Everybody's all strong on the strong side of the basketball." -Austin Carr. Some things you just can't make up (Z just sunk 2 FTs...lovely as we're now up 14-4)
7:22: Missed FT by Pierce, offensive rebound for the Celts...memories of the playoffs come back and I shed a little tear.
7:23: Great pass by Z to a streaking Gooden - who took about 4 shuffle steps before the layup; luckily, that counts as a foul on Boston.
7:24: Donyell Marshall and David Wesley check in - Marshall lost weight, and Wesley is jacked.
7:28: Gooden's got 12 in the 1st, (not?) including 2 missed free throws.
7:29: Another offensive rebound off of a FT miss, and both times they've converted for bonus points.
7:30: Mark it, Anderson Varejao enters...promptly receives a 3-second call. Follows it up with a blocked shot - what a go-getter.
7:32: "Donyell Marshall's body fat dropped like 30 percent!" -New Guy...what a jackass.
7:36: We've got some great passing goin on - Hughes just had a great dish inside toe Andy for an easy finish - giving him 4 in his first 2 minutes. By the way, Hughes looks weird without a headband and with more hair...I don't know if I like it.
7:38: Andy steals, follows Hughes down the floor, grabs the offensive rebound before the no-call foul. Even if we didn't end up with the ball there, how can you not love that hustle?
7:39: "Boston has drafted 4 of those." in reference to "former high schoolers." ...has Boston ever drafted someone who didn't go to high school? I don't understand this guy, but he's definitely trying to sound like Reghi.
7:40: Austin Carr makes reference to Anderson being used to the European league rules for basketball, despite the fact that he's from Brazil and played the FIBA championships in China...proof that you don't need to know geography to announce basketball.
7:43: Brian Scalabrine is ugly.
7:45: 1st quarter ends with a comfortable 34-26 lead. I'd like to see a little more defense, because 26 points in the first isn't that great. I realize that the game will slow down in the 2nd, but still, defense works better than fast-break offenses as everyone knows.
7:46: I realize I'm posting way too many points on here, but damn it, it's my blog, I can do what I want.
7:48: Bron learned how much USA basketball really means...shame they still couldn't win.
7:49: Gerald Green gets up.
7:50: Marshall shows that he's more mobile, but I still think he sucks. He just threw it away...take that Marshall supporters.
7:51: Back to back airballs by the Cavs...that ain't good, it's now 36-33 or 38-33, my TV is small.
7:52: Gooden is outta control, 7 for 7 from teh floor.
7:53: Gerald Green throws down an awkward dunk, and we're now only up 1, 40-39.

Commercial: I'd like to point out that I know that black kid sitting on the end of the Cavaliers bench, next to Mike Brown.
The commercial was for the Cavalier girl swimsuit special. I'm so watching that - those girls are incredibly attractive.
7:56: "I used to have to play on courts where the nails would stick up out of the floor and...hit you...uh, in the face!" -Austin Carr. Please god...let them bring back Michael Reghi. At least when Reghi's around, Carr has less chances to sound like an ass.
7:57: Carr makes reference to the Cavaliers' "Big People." Thank goodness he's politically correct; Z may have been upset to hear himself be referred to as a big man.
7:59: Bron charges, and we're losing 44-43 while Carr rambles about incoherent shit again.
8:00: Perkins just passed the ball inside, only to discover that it manages to go in...that's bad karma.
8:00: Gerald Green can jump out of the god damn gym - and he tried on the way to that put-back dunk; Cavs now trail by 3 as Larry Hughes continues to throw sloppy passes.
8:01: Our 3rd defensive 3 second penalty.
8:05: We just continue to not play defense and fould people, as Paul Pierce gets in for an easy and-1 layup to make it 52-45 Boston.
8:06: Damon Jones rights his previous transition jumper miss by m aking a similar shot on the next possession. However, Boston counters with another score and it's 54-49.
8:08: Bron is probably done for the night, considering he has his jersey off...why the hell would you take off your jersey?
8:09: David Wesley hits his first jumper in a Cavaliers uniform...unless you count practice, where he's probably hit a jumper before tonight.
8:15: Finallyt something worth mentioning as Snow drives hard to the basket and makes a tough layup as the shot clock expires.
also 8:15: Drew Gooden makes the rejection at one end and hits a Kareem-esque hook shot to bring the Cavaliers back within 1 at 58-57.
8:16: If I had TiVo, I'd go back and count how many times in this opening half Austin Carr has responded to the new announcer with "Right! haha!" and uncomfortable laughter. I'd put the over/under at 23.5...and I'm betting the over
8:17: Sebastian Telfair must have really had some voodoo shit going on with that "Through the Fire" movie because he's looking far better than he ever has before.
8:18: Snow gets knocked down from behind on a break and slid about 20 feet...that was fun. He'll head to the line with 5.9 seconds left in the half.
8:19: Wally Szczerbiak is wearing # 55...Don't really know if it's worse that he's wearing that # or that it took me the entire first half to realize what # one of their starters was wearing.
8:19: Telfair just brought the ball the whole length of the court in less than 4 seconds, barely missed the layup - though he was fouled - and proceeded to make his first of 5 FTs this half.
8:20: HALFTIME!
A huge 2nd quarter has the Boston Celtics winning 61-59, showing that my 1st quarter assessment of the defense needing to tighten down was dead on. For some reason, NBA.com has it at 59-57...which is just flat-out incorrect.
Gooden ended the half with 16 and 6, very solid - especially considering it was in 17 minutes. Bron went 3-5 with 6 pts, 3 assists and a couple of rebounds in those same 17 minutes. Overall I'm mildly pleased...but really not that well, considering we're losing. I'd like to see us stop throwing around really shitty passes.
Iduno. I'm pretty sure the starters are out and done, so I'm off to "study" for "midterms." I look forward to doing this kind of thing again some time.
back to the basics: Go Cavs, Browns and Tribe!

New stuff to discuss!

Before I start, I'd like to say that I got a laptop and am taking full advantage of it right now by watching PTI and blogging - life is good.
Anyway, it's story time.
Friday, 4:30 p.m. My weekend starts by getting a ride to Canton where Arielle's mom was to pick us up around 7:15...she showed at about 8:10.
Friday, 9:15 p.m. Back to Arielle's house where my mom picks me up to go home and finally eat something.
Friday, 10:15 p.m. I leave my house to go pick up Carly to go watch a movie at Arielle's but I can't get a hold of her.
Friday, 10:45 p.m. I've been circling Chesterland wasting time waiting for Carly to call me back...I eventually decide to man up and just pull into her driveway.
Friday, 11:00 p.m. A confused Carly Konieczny meets me at her door, wondering why she didn't recieve any of my roughly 10 phone calls - there was no reason to miss any of them.
Friday, 11:15-1:30 Saturday. Hanging out at Arielle's watched some of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - not bad. Gene Wilder was a better character, I thought, and I realize they weren't supposed to be the same type of role, I just liked the orig. better.
Saturday, 3:00 a.m. I finally go to bed - not really sure what happened between 1:30 and 3:00 other than taking Carly home...I'll regret this tomorrow.
Saturday, 8:45 a.m. I'm awake and getting ready to go to Michigan State for the Notre Dame game...pretty jacked.
Saturday, 10:10 a.m. Finally get on the road, vague directions in hand, Katy's probably gonna be annoyed when I have to call to get the specific directions in East Lansing...oops.
Saturday, 2:25 p.m. Getting off of what was the wrong freeway in East Lansing, getting tricky directions from Katy who, not surprisingly, was a little annoyed by the fact that I left the real directions on my school computer.
Saturday, 2:45 p.m. Welcoming myself to Katy's apartment - nice place. Katy immediately starts arranging the futon for napping and/or sleeping - what a gal.
Saturday, 3:00 p.m. Take Arielle over to Julie Bucklan's dorm, leave my car there and get Julie's ID so I can get my ticket at the gate...it's a good feeling.
Saturday, 4:00 p.m. Back to Katy's, sit around talking to her and her roommate Liz - who was delightful, by the way - for about an hour. I'm consciouly putting off sleep because it was just good company.
Saturday, 5:00-6:15 p.m. I nap.
Saturday, 7:00 p.m. I'm wide awake and instead of giving me directions, St. Katy gives me a ride to the stadium and points me to the student entrance...I'm ecstatic.
Saturday, 7:45 p.m. I've been getting the "asshole" chant numerous times, but managed to find a few Irish fans in the process. We're in our seats and are being surrounded by MSU fans - after all, it's their student section.
Saturday, 8:10 - 10:30 p.m. This game sucks.
Saturday, 10:45 p.m. I moved to the ND student section in the 2nd quarter, and we're all discussing how we've still got hope, despite being down 37-21 at the beginning of the 4th quarter. By the way, biblical rains just started.
Saturday, 11:05 p.m. It has taken 12 minutes to get the game clock from 12:00 left to 11:27 left. The whole time it's been raining sideways. And I do mean sideways, it's cold and windy.
Saturday, 11:15 p.m. ND scores and makes it a game again, 37-27, and we're starting to feel like we can do this. As if our emotional high isn't getting high fast enough - fate proves that momentum is swinging our way because someone in the parking lot starts blasting off fireworks after the ND touchdown. Freakin sweet, we cheer for the mystery man in the parking lot.
Saturday, 11:30 p.m. The most incredible comeback in the history of my life has just been capped off by a 30 yard Terrail Lambert pick-6 to put the Irish up 40-37 with under 2 minutes left. Mayhem is taking place in the ND student section right now, and I'm a part of it...this is too good to be true.
Saturday, 11:35 p.m. Did Terrail Lambert pick that off?? The referree begins to speak about the call, and all 80,000 fans in attendance are dead silent...no one knows what to expect...which way will it go?
.......INTERCEPTION!!! 24 SECONDS LEFT, THE NEW RETARDED CLOCK RULES MAKE IT SO WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO KNEEL!! ND WINS!!
Saturday, 11:36 p.m. Beauty in its truest form. The most improbable of improbables is done. ND came back, we won, we've done it, high fives, hugs, screams, all of it.
Saturday, 11:40 p.m. No one in the ND fan section has left yet. 90% of MSU's fans are gone...rightfully so. Now begins the coolest thing I've ever done: The student section puts their arms around each other as the football team stands in our corner of the field...the band strikes up, and all of the Notre Dame faithful sing the Alma Mater...a thing of beauty. As soon as we finish screaming the final line of "Love thee Notre Dame," the fight song starts up, and we keep right on rolling with the song - screaming the lyrics and dancing like madmen on the soaking wet stairs/bleachers...not a safe practice, but who cares.
Sunday, 12:00 a.m. I'm finally leaving the stadium, one of the final people to exit...I don't want it to end. I make my way slowly across campus hearing plenty of comments from the MSU fans, and plenty of good comments from the ND fans...I love this.
Sunday, 12:45 a.m. I'm back to my car - which had the parking lights on this entire time - and about to head back to Katy's to wind down the most incredible night of my life...nothing is going to take me down from this high; and to top it off, my car started!

stay tuned, I'll bring more news soon of the rest of the night trying to pull me back to reality, and how Katy was the best hostess ever.

Bengals Fan Club, Est. 2004

I'm not here to complain about how awful the Browns looked. I'm not going to say that we should have beaten the Bengals. I'm not even going to waste my time getting mad at Braylon Edwards dropping 4 out of 7 passes to him today. However, I am going to get mad at Bengals "fans."
I spent the first half of today's game at a friend's apartment full of Browns fans. Needless to say, we talked about all sorts of things regarding the Browns, Bengals, blowjobs, and football. At one point we got to talking about how much Cincinnati fans piss us off. One of my colleagues was in class the other day when their professor - a known Browns supporter - asked the students to raise their hands if they were Bengals fans. After an ample number of students obliged and raised their hands, he followed up with "OK, now how many of you would have raised your hands 5 years ago?" Dear readers, as you might imagine, my first-hand witness stated that approximately half of those hands went down.
Really...I knew there were fans like that, everyone knows that fair-weather fans exist, but how can Cincinnati fans be so ridiculously gay as to openly admit that they are this type of person? Why would you openly say, "yes, I only support them because they're winning. I didn't like them when they sucked, and I won't like them the next time they suck."
The audacity of these cock-suckers blows me away. The reason us Browns fans hate the Bengals so much is that us Browns fans exist. When the Bengals sucked, they didn't have fans. We suck, and we still have die-hard fans who live and (more often) die with this team's successes and (more often) failures.
I love this team. No doubt about it, I love the Cleveland Browns.
We're one of the worst teams I've ever seen, but that doesn't shake my allegiance in the least. It hurts my pride, but I could never root for anyone else.
Sure, someday it'll come around that the Bengals will suck and the Browns will be a good team; and just like that, the Browns fan numbers will balloon and people will probably say the same thing about us. But let it be known, my friends, that this fan, and all of the friends he holds dear have and always will be loyal supporters of what is currently one of the worst franchises in sports.
Go ahead - 10 years from now I want you to tell me that we're all fair-weather supporters, we're not true fans - I dare you. I'll come right back with tales of making a trip to Cincinnati to watch the Browns get beaten by those jump-start faggoty Bengals because I loved that team enough to make the trip from that little school in southern Ohio. I'll tell you about how I sought out the local Browns Backers bar wherever I was if the Browns were not carried on the local cable provider.
So to you, fair-weather Bengals fans...please, remember this day.
Remember the days when you guys were good and you liked the Bengals. Remember them, because when I see you switching over and wearing a Browns jersey somewhere down the road, I will rip it off of your back and tell you to go fist your dad's asshole because you're a faggot.
Browns fan for life; win or lose. Fuck you if you're not.

P.S. If you've been a Bengals fan through-out the 90s, and have some kind of proof of it, I salute you. There is mutual respect between those true fans and the true fans of the current Browns because we each know what the other has been through. That's not to say that we'd get along, but we have that certain level of sympathy.

Dear Michelle Wie,

Congratulations on making the cut at the 84 Lumber Classic this weekend. This marks the first time in your 6 attempts at a men's PGA tournament event that you made the cut; time to celebrate! Your impressive putting and length off of the tee helped you widdle your way through the larger and stronger men on tour on your way to a +2, 74 in round 2 Friday - very impressive young lady! And to think only 16 years young! I've been hearing the negative press about how some of the sports-writers around the country think you're being ridiculous by playing on the men's tour...boy, they'll be embarassed after Sunday - you've already made the cut, there's no stopping you now! By Sunday, I'd venture a guess and say that you'll be used to the course enough to maybe post par, if not under. What a gal!
I know people are talking their smack, but seriously, how many average club players around the country can shoot like you can out there??
Wait...
Sportscenter's on...
What's that?
+14?
Wie finished dead last?
Oh my...


Allow me to re-iterate.
Dear Michelle Wie,
You suck, please stop playing on the men's tour where you're 0 for 6 making cuts. Today you finished last in a field of over 100 players. Not only that, they were all men, and you're a girl who has never won a tournament on the women's tour, let alone the men's. Yeah, you're 16, and that's impressive that you're really good, but if your'e gonna be playing with the big boys (or women) then you're going to have to win to impress me. Tough break sucking out there.
Sincerely,
Kevin Nye.

NFL is back!

And the Browns still suck. That's really all I'm going to say about the game. For in-depth grading of our main players, see Coke's blog.
In other news, Notre Dame whooped ass. God I love them.
As for baseball, Big Daddy Haf is out for the rest of the season with a broken bone in his hand, so he'll be hanging out with me a lot more, so look forward to part 2 of our fictional interview coming your way soon. In case you missed part 1, here's the link to that: http://kevinnye.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_kevinnye_archive.html and it's the 3rd one down.
That's all I have right now, I'll be back...bitches.

More Musings

First of all, after these next couple tidbits about life, I'm thinking maybe I should change the name of the blog to "Life's Little Musings." Any thoughts?
Well, here are my 2 main stories...
First of all, I was told to give a shout-out to Mike Eppich and I wasn't really sure how to do it in a cool way...so here's the story he told me:
so today in spanish my friend was told to read a paragraph that contained "los estados unidos."
he fucked up
and said
"los estados unegros"
followed by what I (nye again) can only imagine as hysterical laughter with every re-telling of the story. So that was my shout out and story # 1.
Number two is far more bizarre.
In my e-mail yesterday I received a letter from someone who I had purchased a book online from. It was a very archaic letter, like 2 sentences long, not really anything interesting...until I noticed that for some reason, the sponsored link (which always appears across the top of GMail, for those who don't know) was for the Comfort Clean Bidet. So needless to say, I was all over that link for a couple of reasons. First of all, I had no idea of the proper spelling of the word bidet (those things that clean out your ass, if you didn't click the link) and second of all...it was a link to a bidet site!
So as if that wasn't enough (I could have sworn it was, but things just keep getting funnier in my life), upon my arrival to the site, I browsed the front page for the information on these bidets, and bidet/toilet combos...what to my wondering eyes should appear? A free gift, of course!
Before I tell the punch line here...I'll allow the reader a moment to wonder what could possibly be the free gift included with a bidet. Sticking with cleansing, could it be a douche? Might it be toilet paper or reading material? Might it be a towel to dry off your asshole?
Don't be ridiculous, my friends...the correct answer was, of course, a blood pressure monitor.
http://www.comfortclean.us in case you were curious.
I'll say it again...the best things in life really are free.

Life's little pleasures.

Upon my departure from that other school I went to, I realized that I'd miss some little things...such as the handicap-accessible shower on Russel 2nd floor, despite the fact that there were no wheel-chair ramps or elevators to get to the 2nd floor.
So imagine the flood of emotions that came over me today when I left my philosophy class (which was messed up, for what it's worth) and walked past a building - the name of which I do not know - and saw the following setup.
A set of cement stairs, roughly 8 inches high per stair, 6 steps, with a hand-rail on each side, the stairs roughly 4 feet wide. Perhaps a touch wider than that because I'd say 2 people could walk side by side up these stairs. On the outside of the rails, there were bushes, just to make sure there was no other way of getting to the top of these stairs. Now, at the top of the stairs was a door: a very standard door, much like a front door of a house. A single door, wooden, perhaps, with a simple handle...nothing unusual about the door.
Ready for the clincher?
On the left side of the door, at the top of the stairs was the old fail-safe...the Wheel-chair Accessible, "Push to Open" button.
I'll let that one sink in for a minute. In fact, go back and read it again, make sure you got that...at the top of the stairs...on the brick-wall side of the building, less than 3 feet from the door itself...right there, perched on the wall, was the most unbelievable thing I'd seen in ages.

Boy...I guess it's true what they say, the best things in life really are free.

Day 2 (in a row)

So, day 2 here was more my kind of day, and much more like the title of this blog. I woke up to Lee and Kirk making their predictions for all of the important games, followed by the UM/Vandy kickoff...life was good.
Anyway, kinda hung out watching football all day, roomie #1 moved in, Chris, that went well. Then I pretty much kept sitting around watching football. Went to wal-mart and dinner with Arielle and her mom...
wait
am I writing my life story? Is anyone still reading?
Why would anyone care that I did nothing all day?
Michigan won, OSU rolled, ND looked shittier than a fat man's skivvies in the first half but pulled out a win. That's what today was like...god...what got into me?
In other news, as you well know, college football season means betting season. I've been told that my nickle and dime style of betting is really pointless since I'd have to win like 5 bets in a row to make enough money to get a meal...of food. So, keeping that in mind, and also keeping in mind that I had roughly $10 left in my betting account (since like 5 or 8 or something is still in for the Tribe to win the AL Central and the World Series...which would make me like $50, but I digress) I threw down a couple bucks on a parlay for Thursday games. After winning that, I had like $18 or something, so I put $4 into a no-doubter parlay, $5 on USC to cover a 9 pt. spread, and then Saturday at 1, I did a $3 tough parlay.
Your man Flav here did his shit. after putting $12 down, I'm up to $37 in my account after today. Go big or go home...or something like that.
Today was pretty sweet, as far as the sports world goes. Kevin Kouzmanoff, who has been brought to my attention far too often by a guy whose name starts with R and ends with yan Jensen, entered his place in history today after hitting a grandslam in his first major league at-bat...kudos to him for that, that's cool.
Not to mention the Tribe won.
USA lost, still don't wanna talk about it.
Browns start next week...I'm way more than ready. Bring it on, you sunzabitches.

so it begins.

Well, here I am, OU.
I'm pretty much only writing becuase I have nothing better to do, and I've discovered that when there's nothing to do but write, you tend to write your best things.
To say I've got mixed emotions on OU is like saying Hitler did a couple bad things...point being that it's a complete understatement. For instance, every single person I caddied for who asked where I was going to school responded to my "OU" answer by making some off-hand comment about how we're the biggest party school or some shit like that. Since I think everyone who reads this knows me and realizes that I don't drink, they might be able to see why that bothers me.
On the other hand, I'm coming from Marietta College - Hell's Kitchen, as I like to call it - so I know things can't be any worse than they were there.
Of course, that was before I moved into my sardine can of a dorm room. This son of a bitch is so damn small that if anything went on the floor in the middle of the room (as it's currently arranged) you could play "the floor is lava" all day long without any problem, because there's simply no floor-space.
Furthermore, no one has bothered to figure out the internet "hub" situation so that's a drag. As of right now, if my other 2 roommates were here, only one of us could use the internet.
But enough of that bullshit, let's get back to the fact that this blog is supposed to be partially sport-themed. What the hell, USA? Did we really get our asses handed to us by the Greeks? In the words of Raddimus in "Waiting..." ....c'mon. I don't know, I don't like it at all.
Anyway, I'm wasting time not doing anything interesting or worth mentioning, and Conan's about to start, which means that I'm gone for now.
I'll be updating much more often considering I'm at school and I'll be bored a lot...not to mention that it's not like I have enough room to sit anywhere but in front of the computer.

Musings

In my current state of mind, I do a lot of thinking. A lot of talking, and a lot of thinking.
Here is the highlight, if I may.
If you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.
Now, not only is this a brilliant slogan for a football team or something along those lines, but it's something that I'm taking to heart as well. It came to me on a whim earlier today, Friday. I was working out, had been for a while, came back down to the weight room with Lou Cirino, did a few lifts and decided to go home without running...why? because I was tired.
Let me tell you something, folk(s)...I got to my car and thought to myself "I'm tired...iduno if I have the energy to run and I just took off my shoes and put sandals back on." Then I thought back to all those times during high school football, baseball, whatever the hell when I was flat-out exhausted to the point that I could hardly move...but I'll be damned if I didn't move anyway.
So here I was, in the parking lot, verbally chastising myself out loud without a soul in ear-shot of me. I opened my car door, threw my sandals back in the car, and headed for the track. Why, you ask? Because if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

Obviously, this could go on and on as far as I feel necessary, I could discuss things like wars...where armies were completely worn down, but trudged on and fought a fight far worse than any personal demons I've battled, but these tales are for naught, because throughout them all, the moral remains that if you quit when you're tired, you'll never get any better.

slogan t-shirts may be on the way...keep in touch.

Haley Joel?

I came across a remarkable news story the other day...so I cleaned it up and read the article. Gross.
Anyway, here's the link
I'd like to point out a few fun tidbits about this...first of all, what the hell is with the hair? Who does he think he is, Tom Hanks?
Next, .16 is a lot of booze.
3rd, going back to the hair, how gay does this joker look? On a scale of 1 to Elton John, I'd put him around Rosie O'Donnel.
4th, and most importantly...the final line of this article (since I know you didn't read the whole thing) states that Osment was driving home around 1 a.m. "when his 1995 Saturn hit a mailbox" and flipped over.
...
...
...
I could afford a 1995 Saturn, what the fuck? He's joking, right? He's 18, worth millions, drives a Saturn. This just goes to show you that it doesn't matter whether or not a celeb sticks to the basics when they've got money, I'll still give them shit either way. God...what a douche-bag.

In other news, I'm hopefully goin to the Browns' pre-season game tonight vs. the Lions, so that should be cool. Go Browns!

Counting Down

My days at the bindry are limited. Quite plainly, I'm resigning on Thursday, taking the long weekend off for family time, then heading out to Sand Ridge on Wednesday to start caddying and making lots of money...in cash form
some things that I'll miss...

• small paychecks
• Dr. Gummy
• The huge fat woman with the hick accent who I can hear with earplugs in because she manages to speak just below the decibel level of a jet engine
• Standing still for 8+ hours per day
• The excruciatingly gay guy who works about 10 feet away, although he's on the other side of a book-case style thing so it's not as creepy as it seems...but then again it is pretty creepy
• Knowing that someone within my vision - at all times - didn't graduate high school
• Working at the same place as some hot names on the WG alumni list...hot enough that I'm not even going to publish their names, ask me if you really wanna know
• Binding books and everything that goes along with it

that's all, I'm going to bed...musing about the possibilities of working as a caddy.

Terrible rap songs that somehow got popular

I've veered away from sports recently because there's not much good stuff to talk about aside from that Hafner interview.
So, to shake it up, I will now list off the worst rap songs to gain popularity with a short assessment of each.

Bone and Phil Collins - Take Me Home. This'll ruffle some feathers since they're Cleveland guys, but just because they're from Cleveland doesn't make them good (See: Cleveland Indians, 1955-1994). This song sucked. It marked the end of Phil Collins' career and I don't much care what it did to Bone's career. Now that Krayzie Bone is in with Chamillionaire on "ridin dirty" I guess they can escape the fact that "Take Me Home" may have been their final mark....thank god...

Sisqo - The Thong Song. Everyone knew this would be on here. Really, this one was at least entertaining, despite it's positively awful ...well, everything. "She had dumps like a truck." Female bathroom habits aren't material for rapping (but they make a great movie title here). Plain and simple. Now, I enjoy a nice ass in a thong as much as the next guy, but come on Sisqo...did you really have to spray paint your head silver?

ODB - Baby I got your Money. Possibly the most offensive song ever if you actually listen to the lyrics. Extremely catchy...but here's an excerpt: "I don't have no problem with you fucking me, but I have a little problem with you not fucking me." A lyrical mastermind, to say the least. Entertaining song, but really awful.

Petey Pablo - Freek-a-Leek. This one I loved and still do. But let's get real. Ridiculous basis for a song...it's about how he's a bit kinky in the sack. That's it. Talkin about bangin girls and whatnot...nothing too terribly creative either. Iduno, catchy as all get-out, but impressively terrible at the same time.

Cam'ron - Hey Ma. Another catchy song for no good reason. Incredibly trite lyrics. "She looked at me and said 'you's a baby right?' I told her, I'm 18 and live a crazy life, plus I tell you what the 80s like."
What?
Now...that part was Juelz Santana, but Cam'ron's part is no better. Not to mention the chorus is horrendously stupid.

That's it for now...I'm sure I'll think of more, but right now, I gotta get to bed.
Adieu.

Update: Shortly after post-time, my esteemed colleague Nick Waetjen pointed out that neither Coolio - too hot nor Lil Bow Wow - basketball made this list. These were each complete oversights on my part and I apologize.

My Fictional Interview with Travis Hafner

I haven't talked to Big Daddy Haf, but if I did, I imagine it'd go something like this:


Me: So, do you mind if I call you BDH for short?
BDH: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Super, now let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
BDH: Yes, let's...
Me: You totally cut me off, but based on your size, I'll let it slide.
BDH: I get that a lot.
Me: Speaking of which, you're a really big dude...how's that workin out for ya?
BDH: Well, it helps me hit baseballs far, and one time it actually led someone to believe that I have a very large penis.
Me: Yeah.......does that mean you don't?
BDH: It's enormous.
Me: Thought so. Moving on, you've hit 5 grand slams before the all-star break, which makes you the only guy to ever do that, how freakin sweet is that?
BDH: I know, pretty cool. Not only that though, the rising popularity has led to interview that didn't actually happen, just like this one.
Me: Does this guy know how to party or what?! OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but despite being one of the lower-paid super-sluggers at the moment, you're looking at a huge contract ahead of you, right?
BDH: Yeah, I really hope it comes soon...
Me: You seem concerned, what happened to the $2.7 million you're making this season?
BDH: Well, I spent most of it getting the tank that I drove over here in, and I spent the rest on the gas to get here...so it looks like we're gonna be chilin together for a while.
Me: My bed isn't big enough for both of us...that is, unless we spoon real close.
BDH: Deal!
Me: Wow, who knew that being so gay in high school baseball would transfer all the way to the pros? awesome. I guess the only other thing I can think of to ask you about is that whole All-Star thing and how AJ Pierfaggot got voted in.
BDH: I'm glad you mentioned...because, AJ, I know you're listening out there, and you know as well as I do that when Wrestlemania 21 comes around I'll be waiting for you. You. Me. A 2X4. And 300 square feet of Chain-link fence, Pierzynski...and it will be ...Hell....In a Cell.....

Back to Business

It's been 30 years but I'm back.
I didn't go anywhere, I'm just lazy...by which I mean I'm working at General Bookbinding, which blows.
But here's the thing...I work with that guy who's gonna kill someone. Biggest redneck I've ever met, and I've met some big'uns. Just for kicks, I like to talk to this guy just to try to get him to say "Ya know, there's a shotgun in my trunk, if you wanna hang out." or something. I mean, this guy is a few teeth short...wears a bandana regularly...has a tattoo on his right arm roughly the size of a half-dollar (not really sure what it is cuz it's so small and poorly drawn)...trash 'stache...the works. It's great. By the way, my 2 nicknames for him are "Heap" as in Trash-heap, not Todd, and the other nickname is Dr. Gummy...I chose Dr. Gummy for 2 reasons, 1 being that he's showin a lot of gum with those missing teeth, and the other reason is because this man probably didn't finish high school...so the idea of him becoming a Dr. is hilarious! He looks something like this
This job sucks.
Tribe sucks...bigtime.
The nice thing is that I blogged again and I didn't even write about anything
By the way, he didn't actually look much like that, but he is a ridiculous hillbilly.

P.S. Look at ryan's blog or I'll kill you.

This needs to be seen

look at this shit...seriously...look at it and be amazed at what people do, at Ghetto Prom '06

i suck

Turns out I really slow down with the blogging while I'm home. I don't have anything good to say anymore.
I'm a hack
A has-been.
A loser.
A choke.
A lazy bastard.
A bum.
A stiff.
A chump.
A punk.
A hack.
but I'll tell you what I'm not, which makes it all better...
I'm not a Marietta Pioneer.
Life is good.

Anderson Varejao

The following is an excerpt from Thursday's News Herald in northeast Ohio.

Pistons forward Antonio McDyess claimed Cavaliers center Anderson Varejao bit him during game 3 in Cleveland.
"I was just trying to help the team," Varejao said, "I was playing aggressive."
Varejao was then asked if his response meant he bit McDyess.
"The team bit him," he said.

If by some fluke you didn't like this guy before, you absolutely must now. I mean, look at that hair!

Spectacular!
As always, go Cavs, Tribe, and Browns!

What can you say?

So Fabolous kinda looks like Larry Hughes {4th down on left} ...just kiddin here. Anyway, Fabolous said at the start of "I'm so into you," the words "I can't really explain it..." Now, I know the Cavaliers are not a love song, or even a rap song, but really, I can't explain what they're doing and how they're doing it so well.
That's not true, I just can't explain why/how they didnt do it all season. LeBron is playing lockdown D, along with Donyell Marshall (who I still hate, by the way...glad he's playing well, but can't stand him) also actually doing stuff right. And how bout big stiff Z actually coming to play in game 5. I could go on all night, you all saw the game, the Cavaliers are beating Detroit by playing Detroit's game - that's a beautiful thing.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are 1 game away from going to the Eastern Conference Finals....
...The best part?
No Michael Jordan to slow us down.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!
by the way, Tribe won a shutout tonight, a CG gem by Jake Westbrook completely overshadowed by the Cavaliers winning in Detroit, which is fine by me.

Also, that Fabolous thing was completely unnecessary.

"bitter-sweet" defined

Yesterday, my last day at Marietta, was the definition of bitter-sweet. Obviously, I wanted/needed to get outta there, but I left a few real good friends who I'll miss sorely. I gave a little shout-out at the end of my rap entry from early Thursday morning, but that was before the goodbyes...which were rough. Really, those fellas who kept me alive and kickin I owe a huge debt of gratitude; most notably Coke and Dock for the train-walking and the looking for the Indians game, but TJ and Zach for the MC-bashing...that helped an awful lot too. The rest of the hall was pretty good too, since we basically ripped on the place whenever we felt the need, to whoever was listening. Not to mention Jeff reminding us all that I'm an asshole...
But it's just like I was sayin with Coke as we made a final trek down the hall side-by-side; it's been great with you fellas...sucked that we were at MC, but you guys - awesome.

That's all I got, there's nothing too terribly interesting to talk about, so I went the way of SportsCenter on a slow day: appeal to emotions.

About to leave

That's right ladies and gents; today is my final day at MC. In TJ's Blog he decided to drop a few rhymes to explain how he felt about this place...but Iduno about all that.
...
...
So time for me to leave Marietta
for a place that's surely betta
I can't even think of a place that's worse,
every day it feels like I'm ridin in a hearse
like this place has killed me - filled me with anger and hate
where I end up now is in the hands of fate.

The day is here, nothin left to fear,
My cell bio final just stuck it in my rear.
The credits probably won't transfer anyway
because this place is run by a big group of gays.
A huge f'in chapter of the rainbow coalition
means that everyone you see should be cleanin up the kitchen.

Furthermore, time to hit the door and move outta this place.
Never hear my rhymes again? now that just ain't the case.
There'll be plenty of time to sit and rhyme, drop some lines bout feelin fine from the room that's mine while Coke loads a 9 to blast this college down...and maybe even the rest of this crappy little town.
But that's it, now I got some shit I gotta do
and to those who love the 'Etta...
a big FUCK YOU...no offense, Hop


Ha, that was fun. Special shout-out to the fellas who helped keep me sane: TJ, Coke, Dock, Zach, big Zach, Hop, Frohegan - and most of the 2nd floor (minus the weirdos). Best of luck to all of you, and if you're ever wonderin about me...just check the blog.

-Nye

David Blaine: Drowned Alive

What the hell did I just waste that portion of my life for? If roomie Hop hadn't flipped it on, I surely would have forgotten about it - and that would have been fine by me. Seriously, what possesses this man to do the things he does?
It wasn't even a magic trick this time, it was staying underwater for 9 minutes and removing 8 sets of handcuffs off of his body in the process...oh yeah, and he had spent the previous week underwater in the damn sphere. Anyway, he didn't make it...lasted 7 minutes and 8 seconds. So let me ask ya this; what was the purpose here? If you said "it's a publicity stunt because this guy is absolutely retarded" then you were seemingly correct. The reason that I was slightly intrigued was because they said he'd either "break the record, or die trying." I've never seen someone die - let alone on national television, so how could I not have a slight interest? Neither of these things happened; he came out of the water convulsing, but still fully conscious. Stu Scott - yes, the Disney Corporation has him by a leash - tried to pawn it off by saying that we're seeing a little bit of magic from the fact that Blaine could actually walk after being underwater for a week...woopti-freaking-doo.
Damn it, I wasted 7+ minutes watching him underwater, plus 3 minutes pre-submergence, plus 5 minutes post-emergence for a grand total of over 15 minutes of my life that I want back because nothing happened other than a man running out of breath.
I hate you David Blaine.
Go chill in a block of ice over Times Square or something.

I'm angry

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO.....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO.....DODODOO-DOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOO....DO-DO-DOOO-DOOOO....DODO-DO-DO-DOOO....DO DO DO DOOO....DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DO DO DO...DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOOEEEEEOOOOOOOOO...... DODODOOOOOOOOOO.

Under 1 week left in this hellhole.
Cavs gonna win the series tonight vs. the Wiz.
Tribe gonna take 2 outta 3 from the A's.
I'm goin home to get the van.
Not sure if everything's gonna fit in there.
Norbert responded to an e-mail.
I have zero classes left at MC, just a few finals.
1 week from right now, I'll be just waking up...then going golfing with Jensen and Reinhard.
I'm in an incredibly good mood.
I liked the Browns' draft.

Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!

Screw short posts

I am a sports junkie. I have a problem with them. I absolutely cannot exist without sports to distract me. I have found myself on a nearly daily basis gamecasting at least 2 MLB games while watching the NBA playoffs...then watching sportscenter from roughly 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. Not to mention how much time I wasted watching the draft (enough hours to not count on one hand) for those 5 seconds that they discuss the pick. This is all in addition to my regular checks to indians.com, espn.com, clevelandbrowns.com, and cavs.com. At this stage, all must wonder; what can I possibly gain from this?
Nothing.
And I'm OK with that.
Is there a career in knowing about sports? ...I don't know anyone working for ESPN, so I'm pretty sure that's a negative. I don't think I have much hope of becoming a pro athlete, so that's out. And I also don't have any idea how to become an announcer - even though I don't think that's what I'd wanna do as a career/major. But somehow, some way, it makes sense to love everything about pro sports (except hockey, because come on...lockouts? for hockey players? I know they're tougher than I'll ever be, but they're also waaay richer than I'll be). But seriously...as Lou Brown once said in Major League 2, "ooh yeah, I love this shit!"

That's all I got. I'm trying not to write pages and pages about the Cavs playoff showings (Bron is sick, but play some god damn defense...and stop being called for fouls that you didn't make...yeah), but they'll pull it out. And the draft was alright, I like the first 2 picks by Cleveland, and anything after the 2nd round, I just take the GM's word for it since I won't know about the guys. So yeah, pretty happy with it.

That's all, as always, go Tribe, Cavs (2 more), and Browns!

Reformation

I need to start making shorter posts.

Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!

The 'Etta Effect

Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.

As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye

Much ado about nothing

First thing's first, I apologize for not posting for the last week, it's just that I really couldn't top the much-discussed post of last Thursday...it was too perfectly conveying my emotions. Basically, the last 2 days have been the ultimate roller-coaster of emotions about how I feel about this place. First of all, it sucks here, without question...nothing I say in this entry will refute that.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.


In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.

The Girl Nextdoor

As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends


that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye

Some things that I miss from days gone by...

...family, close friends, girlfriend, obviously
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.

The Good Nye Giveth...and The Good Nye Taketh

Let me tell you, loyal reader(s), about a little place called Marietta College. It borders on West Virginia - which is every bit as bad as it sounds. It is the most boring town on Earth. It is home of the worst educators I've ever come across. It is home of the worst football program I've ever come across. In a nutshell, it is one of the worst places I've ever come across - hence my decision to transfer elsewhere at the completion of this school-year. However, it is also home to some very good people and some very good friends who have become rather important to me over the last 8 months.
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.

- Kevin F. Nye

and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!

Perfect time to blog

The Tribe is on a rain delay - might not get resolved, much to my dismay, but I thought this would be a good time to write.
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!