Counting Down

My days at the bindry are limited. Quite plainly, I'm resigning on Thursday, taking the long weekend off for family time, then heading out to Sand Ridge on Wednesday to start caddying and making lots of money...in cash form
some things that I'll miss...

• small paychecks
• Dr. Gummy
• The huge fat woman with the hick accent who I can hear with earplugs in because she manages to speak just below the decibel level of a jet engine
• Standing still for 8+ hours per day
• The excruciatingly gay guy who works about 10 feet away, although he's on the other side of a book-case style thing so it's not as creepy as it seems...but then again it is pretty creepy
• Knowing that someone within my vision - at all times - didn't graduate high school
• Working at the same place as some hot names on the WG alumni list...hot enough that I'm not even going to publish their names, ask me if you really wanna know
• Binding books and everything that goes along with it

that's all, I'm going to bed...musing about the possibilities of working as a caddy.

Terrible rap songs that somehow got popular

I've veered away from sports recently because there's not much good stuff to talk about aside from that Hafner interview.
So, to shake it up, I will now list off the worst rap songs to gain popularity with a short assessment of each.

Bone and Phil Collins - Take Me Home. This'll ruffle some feathers since they're Cleveland guys, but just because they're from Cleveland doesn't make them good (See: Cleveland Indians, 1955-1994). This song sucked. It marked the end of Phil Collins' career and I don't much care what it did to Bone's career. Now that Krayzie Bone is in with Chamillionaire on "ridin dirty" I guess they can escape the fact that "Take Me Home" may have been their final mark....thank god...

Sisqo - The Thong Song. Everyone knew this would be on here. Really, this one was at least entertaining, despite it's positively awful ...well, everything. "She had dumps like a truck." Female bathroom habits aren't material for rapping (but they make a great movie title here). Plain and simple. Now, I enjoy a nice ass in a thong as much as the next guy, but come on Sisqo...did you really have to spray paint your head silver?

ODB - Baby I got your Money. Possibly the most offensive song ever if you actually listen to the lyrics. Extremely catchy...but here's an excerpt: "I don't have no problem with you fucking me, but I have a little problem with you not fucking me." A lyrical mastermind, to say the least. Entertaining song, but really awful.

Petey Pablo - Freek-a-Leek. This one I loved and still do. But let's get real. Ridiculous basis for a song...it's about how he's a bit kinky in the sack. That's it. Talkin about bangin girls and whatnot...nothing too terribly creative either. Iduno, catchy as all get-out, but impressively terrible at the same time.

Cam'ron - Hey Ma. Another catchy song for no good reason. Incredibly trite lyrics. "She looked at me and said 'you's a baby right?' I told her, I'm 18 and live a crazy life, plus I tell you what the 80s like."
What?
Now...that part was Juelz Santana, but Cam'ron's part is no better. Not to mention the chorus is horrendously stupid.

That's it for now...I'm sure I'll think of more, but right now, I gotta get to bed.
Adieu.

Update: Shortly after post-time, my esteemed colleague Nick Waetjen pointed out that neither Coolio - too hot nor Lil Bow Wow - basketball made this list. These were each complete oversights on my part and I apologize.

My Fictional Interview with Travis Hafner

I haven't talked to Big Daddy Haf, but if I did, I imagine it'd go something like this:


Me: So, do you mind if I call you BDH for short?
BDH: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Super, now let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
BDH: Yes, let's...
Me: You totally cut me off, but based on your size, I'll let it slide.
BDH: I get that a lot.
Me: Speaking of which, you're a really big dude...how's that workin out for ya?
BDH: Well, it helps me hit baseballs far, and one time it actually led someone to believe that I have a very large penis.
Me: Yeah.......does that mean you don't?
BDH: It's enormous.
Me: Thought so. Moving on, you've hit 5 grand slams before the all-star break, which makes you the only guy to ever do that, how freakin sweet is that?
BDH: I know, pretty cool. Not only that though, the rising popularity has led to interview that didn't actually happen, just like this one.
Me: Does this guy know how to party or what?! OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but despite being one of the lower-paid super-sluggers at the moment, you're looking at a huge contract ahead of you, right?
BDH: Yeah, I really hope it comes soon...
Me: You seem concerned, what happened to the $2.7 million you're making this season?
BDH: Well, I spent most of it getting the tank that I drove over here in, and I spent the rest on the gas to get here...so it looks like we're gonna be chilin together for a while.
Me: My bed isn't big enough for both of us...that is, unless we spoon real close.
BDH: Deal!
Me: Wow, who knew that being so gay in high school baseball would transfer all the way to the pros? awesome. I guess the only other thing I can think of to ask you about is that whole All-Star thing and how AJ Pierfaggot got voted in.
BDH: I'm glad you mentioned...because, AJ, I know you're listening out there, and you know as well as I do that when Wrestlemania 21 comes around I'll be waiting for you. You. Me. A 2X4. And 300 square feet of Chain-link fence, Pierzynski...and it will be ...Hell....In a Cell.....