I need to start making shorter posts.
Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The 'Etta Effect
Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.
As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.
As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Much ado about nothing
First thing's first, I apologize for not posting for the last week, it's just that I really couldn't top the much-discussed post of last Thursday...it was too perfectly conveying my emotions. Basically, the last 2 days have been the ultimate roller-coaster of emotions about how I feel about this place. First of all, it sucks here, without question...nothing I say in this entry will refute that.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.
In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.
In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
The Girl Nextdoor
As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends
that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends
that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Some things that I miss from days gone by...
...family, close friends, girlfriend, obviously
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
The Good Nye Giveth...and The Good Nye Taketh
Let me tell you, loyal reader(s), about a little place called Marietta College. It borders on West Virginia - which is every bit as bad as it sounds. It is the most boring town on Earth. It is home of the worst educators I've ever come across. It is home of the worst football program I've ever come across. In a nutshell, it is one of the worst places I've ever come across - hence my decision to transfer elsewhere at the completion of this school-year. However, it is also home to some very good people and some very good friends who have become rather important to me over the last 8 months.
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.
- Kevin F. Nye
and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.
- Kevin F. Nye
and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Perfect time to blog
The Tribe is on a rain delay - might not get resolved, much to my dismay, but I thought this would be a good time to write.
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
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