As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends
that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye
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