The 'Etta Effect

Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.

As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye