I need to start making shorter posts.
Go Cavs, Tribe and Browns!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The 'Etta Effect
Also known as the Theory of Ettativity, in homage of Einstein. My colleagues and I have come up with a theory that rivals any theory that anyone's ever come up with. You see, my friends, that Marietta has an inherently negative effect on everything. Don't believe me? keep reading.
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.
As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye
Take, for instance, college. Most colleges have positive aspects. Upon my enrollment here, the apparent positive factors (small school, football, nice little town, good financial aid, quaint, etc.) began to disappear. Suddenly, the school has 1300 people and dropping rapidly, the football team gets outscored by an average of 12 ppg, JV football manages to leave 2 out of 3 TEs out for the entire game, the town is full of hillbillies with alcohol problems, financial aid tries to dick over every student here, and the place was recently included in a study of the worst air polluted cities in America...lovely.
Another example; food. Now this one can go a few directions...and I plan to explore each of them. First of all, Cici's pizza and their $4 lunch buffet is actually $4.55 or something gay, and they DON'T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS. What? They have an ATM right next to the register but won't accept the debit cards...wow.
I'll keep these short and sweet though: Dinner last night prompted my good friend Jason Cocca to go insane. Upon hearing from a worker who appears fresh out of jail that Jason could not recieve 3 pancakes at once and that he needed to get back in line, Jason responded by taking his plate of 2 pancakes and going to the back of the line (approximately 4 people). After this, the guy told him that he had to go eat the pancakes first, then come back up for more...
...
...
unbelievable. Needless to say, Coke flipped out and simply left. To which, the weirdo said something like "just cuz you go to college you think you're smarter than me or somethin, kid?"
Ohh the answers that could have been said at that point. But I digress. The point is that you had to shake your head and say "only in Marietta."
Next is another dining hall qualm. I wake up this morning and head to breakfast for my Tuesday/Thursday Lucky Charms. It's approximately 9:10 A.M. when I arrive. I go, as usual, to the cereal bar, and fill up my bowl...much to my dismay, however, there is no milk - neither skim or 2%. Well, a little annoyed, but accepting it, I head over to the other drink station (which usually has 2% and whole milk) to settle for that stuff...only to discover that this one is completely out of milk as well. So let's review that: 9:15 A.M. no milk. Period. There's some choco milk, but come on. Anyway, I was insanely pissed, so I sat around and ate a banana, then wasted the bowl of Lucky Charms. On my way out, at 9:25, there was finally a man putting milk into the 2%/Whole station which happens to be all the way across the dining hall from the cereal...only in Marietta.
I could go on for hours, and I will, most likely, post again in the near future about things that piss me off here.
As anger leads me on,
Kevin "F.or the love of God, give me my god damn milk" Nye
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Much ado about nothing
First thing's first, I apologize for not posting for the last week, it's just that I really couldn't top the much-discussed post of last Thursday...it was too perfectly conveying my emotions. Basically, the last 2 days have been the ultimate roller-coaster of emotions about how I feel about this place. First of all, it sucks here, without question...nothing I say in this entry will refute that.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.
In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.
Wednesday had me damn near insanity. To give you readers an idea of how desolate and worthless this area is, ESPN had a regional blackout of the INDIANS GAME on Wednesday Night Baseball. How in the hell can the state of Ohio have a spot that's so shitty, it gets regionally blacked out to ESPNews? Furthermore, tonight, the Boston/Tampa Bay game was on...no blackout there, which is a real shocker. Needless to say, I and a couple other Tribe fans had planned our day around 7:00 P.M. when the Tribe would be on. Upon discovery of this "blackout" we pretty much lost our minds. We wandered around "lovely" Marietta to various dive-bars with televisions - none of which were showing the game, of course. Well, inspiration nearly struck me when we were wandering over a bridge which was roughly 30-35 feet above the Muskingum River - talk about temptation. I want to find out how deep the river is, because if I could jump off of it without dying from hitting the bottom, I might, God forbid, have some fun in this town! Anyway, the night only got better. There's this douchey kid in the building (not the girl nextdoor) who was for some reason on a microphone with a band playing in the big field across the street. My associate Kevin Dockman came up with a great idea for a water balloon launch in their direction...since we couldn't get a good angle, we decided we'd just head over to the building they were playing in front of and launched some water balloons a really long way (including one into an open window of another residence hall). We didn't toss any towards the band because one of the guys was Nick Gehlfuss, who went to West G. and he's a sweet-heart.
Anyway, that was pretty fun, so today I moseyed on over there and decided to take part in a full-scale water balloon fight. It started simply enough by launching balloons across the field at unsuspecting walkers (missed all of them...but we were damn close) and various people having "fun" in the middle of the field. However, things started to get out of hand when the 3rd floor guys started tossing balloons up at us too...well, we weren't about to back down from a challenge; so we fought. We must have gone through 75-100 balloons in roughly half an hour as a group - and we were pretty careful with them too. We had a grand ol' time rabble-rousing and gettin wet and throwin balloons and whatnot.
That was pretty much it, I guess...then we ran out of balloons - and perfect timing too, because a cop came out to yell at us since YOU CAN'T FREAKING USE WATER BALLOONS ON THIS FAG-LOADED CAMPUS.
God this place sucks.
In other news, Tribe has been up and down the last couple days, but they'll get right.
Until next time, go Tribe, Cavs (playoffs+50 wins=asskicking), and Browns.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
The Girl Nextdoor
As many of you know, I attend Marietta College - where I live on an all-boys floor. How is it, you ask, that I have a girl living nextdoor? Let me explain:
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends
that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye
Take, for instance, that girl that you've known for a long time, but really just aren't particularly close to her...sure, she's on your buddy list, and yeah, you might go to a party at her house if your other friends are going, but she's really just got nothing good to offer you.
Well, now I'd like to you take every quality about that girl: incredibly loud, ridiculously annoying, always needs to be the center of attention, the sureness that people think he/she is attractive, hell, even the breasts, and place those qualities (and the ones I'm about to mention) into a 5'5" male who is about as wide as he is tall. To go along with the loud, annoying, attention-whoring, tittie-having, egotism, my "girl" who really does live nextdoor has way more to offer. This supple young man - who looks stunningly like the Penguin - really gets a thrill out of the following things:
-slamming doors through all hours of the night
-waking people up from their naps...at the other end of the hall
-bragging about having sex constantly though his girlfriend adamantly states that they never have
-waking up his roommate at 7 P.M. from a nap because "I didn't want you to be up all night, that's never good."
-pretending to be the class clown, but isn't funny at all
-kissing so much ass, his mom's face is covered in shit
-acting like the Penguin - not just looking like him and being shaped like him
-ruining a perfectly good game of catch
-claiming he is from West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and Ohio - thus if you make fun of one of those 3 states, he takes offense because, well, he's a giant douche
-pretending he's going to make it to med-school, despite pulling down a 1.5 GPA at Marietta...where his girlfriend does most of his homework
-having a girlfriend who is most likely cheating on him with another ugly man
-watching endless amounts of pornography at all hours of the day, then calling anyone else a fag for not watching
-being a Steelers fan who says things like "I'm a Steelers fan, but I hope they lose the Super bowl."
-pretending to have a penis
-and worst of all, living nextdoor to me and pretending that makes us friends
that's all for now,
Kevin "F. you jbp" Nye
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Some things that I miss from days gone by...
...family, close friends, girlfriend, obviously
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.
...Wally Sonnie - the Sonnie parents as well, and Dex too, but he fell under friends.
...seeing a music video - in its entirety - on MTV
...Bobby's World - especially because Howie Mandel had a stylin' Jheri curl, instead of this shaved head/soul patch crap he's got goin.
...the Garfield and Friends cartoon
...Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies
...cartoons that were good, I guess is what I'm getting at
...Carlos Baerga
...having Halloween candy til June
...being in the crappy spelling bee instead of watching a far crappier spelling bee on ESPN
...ESPN showing sports all the time (not poker and outside the lines), and when it wasn't sports, it was sportscenter
...snow/snow days
...pitching
...high school football
...The Simpsons in their prime
...Seinfeld
...gas being under $1.75/gallon (which isn't to say that it's only 1.75 here, it's actually 2.85)
...commercials that weren't simply scare tactics
...Waldo spaghetti-o-s
...when ditzy girls didn't rule TV with their boobs and retardation...and richness
...when cable stations showed stuff unedited - I remember seeing boobs on TBS when I was way younger...not that it's a good thing for kids to see titties, but then again, maybe it is related to my next thought
...guys being guys and not being metrofags
...when pink was gay
...movies not immediately making sequels
...and most of all...Sisqo.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
The Good Nye Giveth...and The Good Nye Taketh
Let me tell you, loyal reader(s), about a little place called Marietta College. It borders on West Virginia - which is every bit as bad as it sounds. It is the most boring town on Earth. It is home of the worst educators I've ever come across. It is home of the worst football program I've ever come across. In a nutshell, it is one of the worst places I've ever come across - hence my decision to transfer elsewhere at the completion of this school-year. However, it is also home to some very good people and some very good friends who have become rather important to me over the last 8 months.
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.
- Kevin F. Nye
and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
It is these people, including myself, who I'm here to mention. As the title says, I giveth...I give (along with the federal government) a total of $30,000 to attend this institution of learning, and what do I get in return, you ask? A transfer request. It has been discussed at length that if we had the ability to rescind our credits - simply give them away - in exchange for our money back, we would do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, that is not an option...so what can we do to actually make this experience worth-while? Taketh, and by God, we will taketh away. The plan is basically to take anything available from the dining hall. As we're all going to be living elsewhere next year, we might as well have a silverware/dinette set to warm up our new livings. I won't go into detail, since it's probably not the smartest idea in the world to publicly announce the stealing of products from this place, but if you were here, you'd understand. I will say that novelty items like a salt-shaker with a bit of pepper inside it go as bonus items, and there will be a tally done at the end of this semester to decide who won. And you can bet, the winner will not be Marietta College.
Also, in honor of my neighbor down the hall, Jason F. Cocca, my new pen-name will be Kevin F. Nye - but it will be used only when I want to make a point, and each time, it will contain a link to Coke's livejournal because this kid is a genius...and you can guess what the F stands for.
- Kevin F. Nye
and as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Perfect time to blog
The Tribe is on a rain delay - might not get resolved, much to my dismay, but I thought this would be a good time to write.
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
A few things come to mind...first among them is the Cavaliers winning 8 straight on the back of LeBron James - the greatest athlete in the history of anything ever. By the way, win streaks are so fetch. I got to watch the game Saturday afternoon and witness almost all of his triple-double - this guy is incredible. I know, it's old news, everyone knows he's awesome, but the guy really is out of control. That game was outstanding - I realize that the Heat didn't have Shaq and Zo, but the Cavs still don't have Larry Hughes, and Z was out for the whole 4th (Anderson was in, what do you expect?). Even so, the 2nd half was so awesome to watch...Wade makes a play, Bron makes a play, etc. for like 15 straight minutes. Good stuff. Not to mention the Cavs got another W today (Sunday) vs. the Bobcats. Iduno, I guess this isn't groundbreaking news, but it's still exciting. Albeit not funny, but exciting.
And how bout this rain delay? Talk about things that are gay. This has been an extremely unusual start to the season. Something we noticed while watching was that the first pitch was thrown, and the ball was instantly tossed to the dugout. At first we were thinking that was extremely unusual, but we came to our senses and realized that it's probably memorabilia now...but what if Grady Sizemore hit that pitch? What if it was a foul ball? or a homerun? Very strange. Furthermore, Carsten Charles Sabathia needs to lose some god damn weight. That guy could probably have started for the Cleveland Browns' offensive line last season...wait, no he couldn't, because he's a freaking vagina who gets hurt in the 3rd damn inning. On the one hand, I like this guy, but on the other hand, get your fat ass in shape and maybe you won't get hurt 3 times per season...and by the way, that picture doesn't do him justice, he's fatter this year. Anyway, another unusual thing was that Jermaine Dye started 2-2 against the Tribe. This guy bats roughly .900 against us. He practically missed on both hits; if you added the distance of his first 2 hits, they still wouldn't leave the infield...figures. In other news, I hate the fans who instantly head for the dry areas the instant they feel a drop - do these people not shower? I don't know what to think.
I'm rambling, badly.
I'll cut myself off, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Stealing from Jeff
I know this is a copy off of Jeff's blog, but this thing is sweet: http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2005/Better_Bush.htm
some observations: comb-over, evil eyes, and big smile remind me of Chevy Chase. And also, bald, normal eyes, and close-lipped looks like Paul Schaffer from Letterman.
that's all I got right now, just an entertaining tidbit.
some observations: comb-over, evil eyes, and big smile remind me of Chevy Chase. And also, bald, normal eyes, and close-lipped looks like Paul Schaffer from Letterman.
that's all I got right now, just an entertaining tidbit.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Cavs clinch!!!
YES! The Cleveland Cavaliers have clinched a playoff spot for the first time in 8 years! I'm so pumped about this...I wish desperately that they make it deep into the playoffs - at least long enough for me to be able to be downtown when the win a series. I want nothing more than to be in the actual city of Cleveland celebrating with thousands of delirious fans that our beloved sports team (I don't even care which team does it, but the Cavs are the closest as of this moment) may finally be lifting the curse of this place. ...I love Cleveland!
The Tribe just signed Grady Sizemore through 2011 with an option for 2012! Sorta funny, they signed him to a 1 year contract on March 5th...probably a pleasant surprise for Grady. Anyway, if this team has not just put themselves into position to win a World Series within the next 2 years...I don't even know what to think. A little glimpse at the members we have signed thru the 2007 season: Sizemore, Peralta, Vic Martinez (those 3 are all through 2011, by the way), Sabathia, and Hafner. There are a few others who are still going to be under contract, or possibly having options that could be picked up for the '07 season...but my god, those first 5 are like a murderers row. They're in the works of getting Cliff Lee (18-5 last year) to sign a multi-year deal, which would prove that the Bartolo Colon for Sizemore and Lee deal was actually an insanely smart move.
Furthemore, I'm flat-out pumped about the Browns upcoming season. I received a request today to make a draft preview blog article...but I gotta say, I'm not that knowledgeable about all of it because of the god damn ESPN Insider and how I can barely look at anything on ESPN.com anymore. Really a drag. But the point is that I don't know who the Browns will take this year, but for some reason, I'm actually optimistic that it'll be a good pick...things are starting to turn around for us...maybe it's because I'm from Cleveland and eternal optimism is the only thing we've got at this point, but still. I don't know, I'm pretty pumped about Cleveland right now.
So as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!!! ...!
The Tribe just signed Grady Sizemore through 2011 with an option for 2012! Sorta funny, they signed him to a 1 year contract on March 5th...probably a pleasant surprise for Grady. Anyway, if this team has not just put themselves into position to win a World Series within the next 2 years...I don't even know what to think. A little glimpse at the members we have signed thru the 2007 season: Sizemore, Peralta, Vic Martinez (those 3 are all through 2011, by the way), Sabathia, and Hafner. There are a few others who are still going to be under contract, or possibly having options that could be picked up for the '07 season...but my god, those first 5 are like a murderers row. They're in the works of getting Cliff Lee (18-5 last year) to sign a multi-year deal, which would prove that the Bartolo Colon for Sizemore and Lee deal was actually an insanely smart move.
Furthemore, I'm flat-out pumped about the Browns upcoming season. I received a request today to make a draft preview blog article...but I gotta say, I'm not that knowledgeable about all of it because of the god damn ESPN Insider and how I can barely look at anything on ESPN.com anymore. Really a drag. But the point is that I don't know who the Browns will take this year, but for some reason, I'm actually optimistic that it'll be a good pick...things are starting to turn around for us...maybe it's because I'm from Cleveland and eternal optimism is the only thing we've got at this point, but still. I don't know, I'm pretty pumped about Cleveland right now.
So as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!!! ...!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Plug time!
That's right, I have to inform the world of the other thing Jensen and I are working tirelessly for...the return of The Barn League. For those who don't know, the barn league is simply an impromptu basketball league which takes place in Ryan's barn. It is simply the best facility possible for round-the-clock basketball. There are large overhead lights for night play, and when the doors are opened, there's enough natural light to not have to worry about it. Furthermore, I'm told that this summer will be the first summer in recent history that will include a relatively small amount of firewood in the barn - perhaps even none at all!
The point is that this is a super sweet way to hang out with a lot of cool people and play some basketball and just have fun. Absolutely visit the site, just fish around there, see what you think and if you're interested in playing, e-mail me or leave a comment or something and I'll get the info we need from you to make your player profile...and once we see you play, we'll decide your NBA comparison.
In other news...George Mason is in the final four. I'm sure you all know that, so I won't be like "um, what?" because it's old news. However, what's gonna happen this weekend? How can one pick the winner of the GMU/UF game? The whole tournament has been "Mason won't be able to handle them underneath...no size, they can't possibly win another." and every single time they've done it. I can't bet on them to win...they can't handle Florida...but they couldn't handle UConn, MSU, or UNC...and I guess they had a shot at Wichita State.
The other side of the bracket is UCLA and LSU. Don't bet on this game because it's a gay game that no one wants to watch.
I'm sick, so I got that goin for me, and I'm also transferring out of Marietta, if anyone cares.
That's all I have for now, as always, Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
The point is that this is a super sweet way to hang out with a lot of cool people and play some basketball and just have fun. Absolutely visit the site, just fish around there, see what you think and if you're interested in playing, e-mail me or leave a comment or something and I'll get the info we need from you to make your player profile...and once we see you play, we'll decide your NBA comparison.
In other news...George Mason is in the final four. I'm sure you all know that, so I won't be like "um, what?" because it's old news. However, what's gonna happen this weekend? How can one pick the winner of the GMU/UF game? The whole tournament has been "Mason won't be able to handle them underneath...no size, they can't possibly win another." and every single time they've done it. I can't bet on them to win...they can't handle Florida...but they couldn't handle UConn, MSU, or UNC...and I guess they had a shot at Wichita State.
The other side of the bracket is UCLA and LSU. Don't bet on this game because it's a gay game that no one wants to watch.
I'm sick, so I got that goin for me, and I'm also transferring out of Marietta, if anyone cares.
That's all I have for now, as always, Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
Friday, March 24, 2006
Wild night! John Mellencamp sung that song!
But seriously folks...what a night for college basketball. I lost 2 $2 bets, which was rough, but it was probably worth the incredibly good games. Well, minus the Duke game. JJ definitely sucked, I can certainly man up and admit that - that Temple guy played absolute lockdown defense on him, very impressive (he's got googly arms. Not to mention, anytime Redick got inside, Tyrus Thomas used his giant googly arms to swat the shot away...both of those defenders are freshmen, fyi.
Even with JJ sucking it up bigtime, I still stand firm in my position that Greg Paulus ultimately lost the game. I hate him so much. The kid leaves the game with Duke down 37-32. He comes back 4 minutes later with Duke up 45-40. 4 minutes later Duke is trailing 50-47. I'm not saying that Redick's shitty day didn't contribute to the loss, it most certainly did. I am saying that Greg Paulus sucks and that he did some stupid things that in essence costed Duke the game.
I also hate Adam Morrison, so seeing him lose in a heartbreaker kinda made me happy. On the one hand, that's really mean, but on the other hand, that was an insanely exciting game, so that's why I loved the ending. It wasn't so much that Gonzaga lost, it was that UCLA was gettin stomped and kept it together and played an incredible final minute to win an incredible game - freakin amazing.
Also, much more than I hate Adam Morrison, I hate WVU. Imagine my horror as Kevin Federline/Shittysnogle hit that 3 (he's added tats since that picture, by the way). But yeah, I was mortified - especially since a couple people on this floor really like WVU. But then the heavens opened up...God came down, touched Paulino's right arm, and willed the shot into the basket for a UT win. The hall went nuts. Being this close to West Virginia has forced a passionate hate of them to grow in everyone except those select few. It was 12:30 a.m. and there were 15 people running up and down the hallway yelling "HOOK 'EM HORNS!!"
Pure bliss.
In other news, Memphis won, no big surprise. And today should be pretty lackluster - a UConn W is in the works, along with 3 other games that I can't even remember. I'm going home in like 2 hours, I've got better thigns on my mind.
That's all for now, as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
Even with JJ sucking it up bigtime, I still stand firm in my position that Greg Paulus ultimately lost the game. I hate him so much. The kid leaves the game with Duke down 37-32. He comes back 4 minutes later with Duke up 45-40. 4 minutes later Duke is trailing 50-47. I'm not saying that Redick's shitty day didn't contribute to the loss, it most certainly did. I am saying that Greg Paulus sucks and that he did some stupid things that in essence costed Duke the game.
I also hate Adam Morrison, so seeing him lose in a heartbreaker kinda made me happy. On the one hand, that's really mean, but on the other hand, that was an insanely exciting game, so that's why I loved the ending. It wasn't so much that Gonzaga lost, it was that UCLA was gettin stomped and kept it together and played an incredible final minute to win an incredible game - freakin amazing.
Also, much more than I hate Adam Morrison, I hate WVU. Imagine my horror as Kevin Federline/Shittysnogle hit that 3 (he's added tats since that picture, by the way). But yeah, I was mortified - especially since a couple people on this floor really like WVU. But then the heavens opened up...God came down, touched Paulino's right arm, and willed the shot into the basket for a UT win. The hall went nuts. Being this close to West Virginia has forced a passionate hate of them to grow in everyone except those select few. It was 12:30 a.m. and there were 15 people running up and down the hallway yelling "HOOK 'EM HORNS!!"
Pure bliss.
In other news, Memphis won, no big surprise. And today should be pretty lackluster - a UConn W is in the works, along with 3 other games that I can't even remember. I'm going home in like 2 hours, I've got better thigns on my mind.
That's all for now, as always, go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
just something i came across
I know this isn't a pertinent post...but look at this news story:
that lucky bastard.
Also, I'm editing this blog as the Cavs game just ended...for those of you who say LeBron can't hit the big shots...eat shit, cuz he just did.
that lucky bastard.
Also, I'm editing this blog as the Cavs game just ended...for those of you who say LeBron can't hit the big shots...eat shit, cuz he just did.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
It's been too long
Too long since I've talked sports. Obviously, march madness started and held true to its name. That opening weekend was ab fab. Despite my "best" efforts, I managed to lose a final 4 team (Kansas), and like 325 sweet 16 teams (osu, msu, unc, etc.). Basically, it was madness...I'm not even gonna bother assessing this weekend because it was so completely out of control.
In other news, the Browns are just kicking ass this off-season. There's no 2 ways about it, they're tearing shit up.
I'm really not feeling the creative writing vibe right now, so I'm sorry that this sucks as much as having this kid's name.
Some things that I'm calling for this weekend. Watch out for Bradley to give Memphis one hell of a game, but the Tigers will be able to out-hustle the Braves because they're just too fast.
Similarly, Nova will win because they're just too good at that 4 guard offense. It doesn't sound like it should work, but it does...by the way, I have BC in this one, but really, who gives a shit at this point?
Florida's been rollin, but have obviously had 4 days to cool off. Georgetown will give them a good one, but UF will pull it out.
UConn will win, nothing more to it.
Duke will win a customarily close game.
I hate WVU, so Texas better kick their asses.
I don't like Gonzaga...actually, I like everyone on that team except Adam Morrison...so if he goes 0-19 from the field with -3 rebounds but the Zags win, Go Zags! ...but seroiusly, I just can't see Gonzaga beating a legitimate contender in UCLA. So I think UCLA will get the W.
I saved the best for last...GW vs. Wichita State. No doot aboot it, this is the game that everyone will be watching for no real reason. GW has been extremely impressive, taking down an underachieving MSU team and an over-achieving UNC team. Wichita State dominated Seton Hall and edged out the much-questioned Tennessee Vols - who I also dislike. Now, here's the thing about this game...it seems like these two are both the stories that we'll wanna hear about, small conference teams which are about to bring a lot of attention to their respective conferences. One of these teams will go to the elite 8...pretty serious stuff. Most of the time, mid-majors get to the sweet 16 and lose out to the big guys - it's history. But this match-up is the guaranteed in for the little fellas...heart-warming. That said...this story is gonna end up sadly. I don't know who will win this game, in fact, I'm not even gonna make a prediction, but I will say that it'll be a pretty big victory. There's no real reason for it, but one of these teams will get a double digit win.
That's my sweet 16 assessment...completely random, but hey, that's how the dance works - you saw the first 2 rounds. If you don't like my picks...that's your right as an American, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk all over America...figuratively, that is, cuz I usually do walk on America's land. Anypoop, I'm also predicting that I'll be wrong on all 8 games. So there you have it, the sweet 16, broken down.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
In other news, the Browns are just kicking ass this off-season. There's no 2 ways about it, they're tearing shit up.
I'm really not feeling the creative writing vibe right now, so I'm sorry that this sucks as much as having this kid's name.
Some things that I'm calling for this weekend. Watch out for Bradley to give Memphis one hell of a game, but the Tigers will be able to out-hustle the Braves because they're just too fast.
Similarly, Nova will win because they're just too good at that 4 guard offense. It doesn't sound like it should work, but it does...by the way, I have BC in this one, but really, who gives a shit at this point?
Florida's been rollin, but have obviously had 4 days to cool off. Georgetown will give them a good one, but UF will pull it out.
UConn will win, nothing more to it.
Duke will win a customarily close game.
I hate WVU, so Texas better kick their asses.
I don't like Gonzaga...actually, I like everyone on that team except Adam Morrison...so if he goes 0-19 from the field with -3 rebounds but the Zags win, Go Zags! ...but seroiusly, I just can't see Gonzaga beating a legitimate contender in UCLA. So I think UCLA will get the W.
I saved the best for last...GW vs. Wichita State. No doot aboot it, this is the game that everyone will be watching for no real reason. GW has been extremely impressive, taking down an underachieving MSU team and an over-achieving UNC team. Wichita State dominated Seton Hall and edged out the much-questioned Tennessee Vols - who I also dislike. Now, here's the thing about this game...it seems like these two are both the stories that we'll wanna hear about, small conference teams which are about to bring a lot of attention to their respective conferences. One of these teams will go to the elite 8...pretty serious stuff. Most of the time, mid-majors get to the sweet 16 and lose out to the big guys - it's history. But this match-up is the guaranteed in for the little fellas...heart-warming. That said...this story is gonna end up sadly. I don't know who will win this game, in fact, I'm not even gonna make a prediction, but I will say that it'll be a pretty big victory. There's no real reason for it, but one of these teams will get a double digit win.
That's my sweet 16 assessment...completely random, but hey, that's how the dance works - you saw the first 2 rounds. If you don't like my picks...that's your right as an American, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk all over America...figuratively, that is, cuz I usually do walk on America's land. Anypoop, I'm also predicting that I'll be wrong on all 8 games. So there you have it, the sweet 16, broken down.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
My week in Florida
We left marietta at 6:15 Friday night. Long drive, no fun, kinda depressing with 4 people in a 2 door Civic, but hey, Florida's worth it.
Arrive at TJ/the Zynda's house at about 9:50 a.m. Saturday morning. Mrs. Z is there to greet us and Big Ted (TJ stands for Theodore James, and his dad is Ted also, so we refer to him as big ted) is in Jacksonville with TJ's 28 year old brother. So we try to settle in a bit, nice house, a very florida house - all white on the inside and kinda open looking. Then there's a pool out the back with a screen and an overhang - so it's like they have an extra room outside, which is cool. The outside just kinda looks like a typical FL house, with those rounded shingles and whatnot. But anyway, Saturday was then spent sleeping all day. I think they may have made us dinner, but i can't remember what it was.
Sunday morning greeted me with 1 of the poodles (they have 3) licking my face at like 8 a.m. I wasn't very pleased. However, i was sleeping on a foldout couch bed with a tv in the room, so I guess it was worth the tv. But anyway, i drifted back out and woke up again at like 9:45...and I became James Bond upon hearing "my name is Pussy Galore"...if you know Bond, you know the next line/what I was thinking was "...I must be dreaming." That's right, I woke up to the smell of bacon. Curiosity got the best of me and I walked downstairs and was greeted by both parents in the kitchen by a "good morning...how do you want your eggs?" Sunday was off to a sweet start. Huge breakfast - I was like a king since I was the first awake - pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit...outstanding.
Anyway, so then we spent Sunday at the beach for a couple hours - it was insanely crowded, and then drove around Naples just for kicks for another hour or so afterwards, which took us to dinner time. We went to Cheeburger Cheeburger to do the 1 lb. challenge. TJ and I both downed the pounders without much trouble, got our pictures taken, and made fun of Hop and Zac for getting little wiener burgers. Then we hung out, that was it for Sunday.
Monday was pretty wild. We went to a hosue that belonged to a guy mr. Zynda worked for and was pretty good friends with - it was on the market at $8.9 mil, to give you an idea of how big it was. It was on the water, with something like 150 feet of waterfront - which is a lot. 6 bed, 7.5 bathroom house - insane. Pool area (endless pool) was all stone floored and was probably about 2000 sq. ft. itself - it was enormous. Anyway, we went jet skiing. It was tons of fun, we spent most of the day out there screwing around, saw some dolphins on the way back in - had a good time. I don't think we did anything that night, so that was Monday.
Tuesday was back at the beach. A different beach, this one had a big passageway that sorta drifted back through some woods, but it was opened enough to be fine to swim in, so we did that. It was really cool though because the current would take us out to the edge of the ocean part and there were like 10 billion little fish that we were catching with our hands becuase there were so many...it was cool. There was also a huge jellyfish that may or may not have been dead when TJ threw a rock really deep into it's jelly-skeleton...which led this douchebag to turn around and be a hardass and pick it up and toss it back into the water. So Tuesday night we went fishing at the previously mentioned huge house, fished off of the back deck (by the way, those people live in miami for most of the time...just 2 hours away...and weren't there all week) and taht was alright. We caught some stuff, threw it back, beat the shit out of a catfish, yadda yadda yadda. So we had some bait left over, and that brings me to wednesday.
Wednesday we fished at the other insanely huge house of a guy t hat big ted knows. This house included $500,000 marble flooring, a $70,000 piece of "artwork" out front, a $13,000 5 foot long section of glass in front of the wine cooler, 7 flat screen TV's on swivel-bases on the walls, zebra wood all over everything, a movie theater (with 8 automatic recliners - you press the button and it reclines for you...for the truly lazy man), an elevator, an endless pool that appears to drain into the ocean, a fountain that drains water into the pool, 5ish chandeliers from Italy, a player piano, chaise lounges from Italy that were in the thousands, a steam room/shower, green marble bathtubs (apparently that stuff is insanely rare/expensive), and 2 other lots - one for the 4000 sq. ft. guest house, and one is a park, where friends of theirs have gotten married (it includes 2 fountains and a gazebo). According to big ted, this house would go for roughly $14 mil. So we fished there, and manatees are really into this corner lot we were at, so we got to see a manatee from about 10 feet away, pretty cool. Wednesday night was nothing that i can recall...but maybe it was dinner at the Rib place...yeah, that sounds right. Later that night was the funniest moment of the trip. Ashley (TJ's 25 year old sister) was home and her boyfriend Kalen came after we were back from dinner. Kalen seemed like the kind of guy who tries real hard to impress the parents, but it's probaby a lost cause. Apparently when big ted first met him, he took Kalen out for a ride in his truck and showed him a shotgun (uncle Buck-esque) and mentioned how the thing could "dot an i from 300 yards" - pretty funny stuff. Anyway, Kalen came into the house...stood by the couch for about 10 seconds as he was being introduced to us. After we shook hands, he leaned back by the couch to pat Jake, the 1 year old male poodle. No more than 5 seconds later, Jake was humping the crap out of poor Kalen's arm. Now, I'm not gonna explicitly say what happened, but moments later, Kalen went and washed his hands as the rest of us laughed until we cried...funniest thing I've ever seen. And that was Wednesday.
Thursday was "let's find the biggest hicks in Florida" day. WE went to an airboat tour place that also had an "animal sanctuary" which was like "some fenced-in-areas with exotic animals in them." We paid 8 bucks to get in and we got to see tons of alligators, feed some fish, see panthers, crocs, sea turtles, and the coolest animals in the world....deer! That part was gay, but there was also an alligator wrestler. This guy first let us hold the littler gators, which smelled awful, but felt really cool. Then he went on and drug "George" out of the pool that he seemed awfully content laying in. George was a 9 ft. gator, apparently about 350 pounds, and an alligator, thus making our wrangler an idiot. Anyway, the guy showed us how the cool thing about gators is that if anything touches their tongues, they shut their jaws with insane power. He tossed a really really small pebble into its' mouth at one point and it sure did snap - pretty cool. Anyway, he did that ridiculously stupid stuff like goign chin-to-chin with the gator and putting his arms out. He also showed us that he had had a few fingers almost bitten off...which one might think, would inspire him to stop putting his hands in alligators mouths, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, the best part about this was that one of the few other people who were watchign this asked how big gators get. The guy responded with "i've seen a 16 footer, and i know it was 16 feet because we were in a 16 foot canoe. Me and my buddy were out Gigging Frogs -" and my heart stopped. Someone out there really does gig frogs. I froze. I couldn't believe it. This guy was that much of a redneck that him and his "buddy" go out into the swamp to stab frogs with tridents...what does one say in respond to this? Nothing, was my response, i was completely speechless. So that was the highlight of that day.
Friday and Saturday we just hung out, nothing too interesting, we laid by the pool and watched basketball...I'm really tired, and i wanna post about basketball, but it's gonna have to wait til tomorrow or the next day, since no b-ball is going on for the next few days.
so as always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
Arrive at TJ/the Zynda's house at about 9:50 a.m. Saturday morning. Mrs. Z is there to greet us and Big Ted (TJ stands for Theodore James, and his dad is Ted also, so we refer to him as big ted) is in Jacksonville with TJ's 28 year old brother. So we try to settle in a bit, nice house, a very florida house - all white on the inside and kinda open looking. Then there's a pool out the back with a screen and an overhang - so it's like they have an extra room outside, which is cool. The outside just kinda looks like a typical FL house, with those rounded shingles and whatnot. But anyway, Saturday was then spent sleeping all day. I think they may have made us dinner, but i can't remember what it was.
Sunday morning greeted me with 1 of the poodles (they have 3) licking my face at like 8 a.m. I wasn't very pleased. However, i was sleeping on a foldout couch bed with a tv in the room, so I guess it was worth the tv. But anyway, i drifted back out and woke up again at like 9:45...and I became James Bond upon hearing "my name is Pussy Galore"...if you know Bond, you know the next line/what I was thinking was "...I must be dreaming." That's right, I woke up to the smell of bacon. Curiosity got the best of me and I walked downstairs and was greeted by both parents in the kitchen by a "good morning...how do you want your eggs?" Sunday was off to a sweet start. Huge breakfast - I was like a king since I was the first awake - pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit...outstanding.
Anyway, so then we spent Sunday at the beach for a couple hours - it was insanely crowded, and then drove around Naples just for kicks for another hour or so afterwards, which took us to dinner time. We went to Cheeburger Cheeburger to do the 1 lb. challenge. TJ and I both downed the pounders without much trouble, got our pictures taken, and made fun of Hop and Zac for getting little wiener burgers. Then we hung out, that was it for Sunday.
Monday was pretty wild. We went to a hosue that belonged to a guy mr. Zynda worked for and was pretty good friends with - it was on the market at $8.9 mil, to give you an idea of how big it was. It was on the water, with something like 150 feet of waterfront - which is a lot. 6 bed, 7.5 bathroom house - insane. Pool area (endless pool) was all stone floored and was probably about 2000 sq. ft. itself - it was enormous. Anyway, we went jet skiing. It was tons of fun, we spent most of the day out there screwing around, saw some dolphins on the way back in - had a good time. I don't think we did anything that night, so that was Monday.
Tuesday was back at the beach. A different beach, this one had a big passageway that sorta drifted back through some woods, but it was opened enough to be fine to swim in, so we did that. It was really cool though because the current would take us out to the edge of the ocean part and there were like 10 billion little fish that we were catching with our hands becuase there were so many...it was cool. There was also a huge jellyfish that may or may not have been dead when TJ threw a rock really deep into it's jelly-skeleton...which led this douchebag to turn around and be a hardass and pick it up and toss it back into the water. So Tuesday night we went fishing at the previously mentioned huge house, fished off of the back deck (by the way, those people live in miami for most of the time...just 2 hours away...and weren't there all week) and taht was alright. We caught some stuff, threw it back, beat the shit out of a catfish, yadda yadda yadda. So we had some bait left over, and that brings me to wednesday.
Wednesday we fished at the other insanely huge house of a guy t hat big ted knows. This house included $500,000 marble flooring, a $70,000 piece of "artwork" out front, a $13,000 5 foot long section of glass in front of the wine cooler, 7 flat screen TV's on swivel-bases on the walls, zebra wood all over everything, a movie theater (with 8 automatic recliners - you press the button and it reclines for you...for the truly lazy man), an elevator, an endless pool that appears to drain into the ocean, a fountain that drains water into the pool, 5ish chandeliers from Italy, a player piano, chaise lounges from Italy that were in the thousands, a steam room/shower, green marble bathtubs (apparently that stuff is insanely rare/expensive), and 2 other lots - one for the 4000 sq. ft. guest house, and one is a park, where friends of theirs have gotten married (it includes 2 fountains and a gazebo). According to big ted, this house would go for roughly $14 mil. So we fished there, and manatees are really into this corner lot we were at, so we got to see a manatee from about 10 feet away, pretty cool. Wednesday night was nothing that i can recall...but maybe it was dinner at the Rib place...yeah, that sounds right. Later that night was the funniest moment of the trip. Ashley (TJ's 25 year old sister) was home and her boyfriend Kalen came after we were back from dinner. Kalen seemed like the kind of guy who tries real hard to impress the parents, but it's probaby a lost cause. Apparently when big ted first met him, he took Kalen out for a ride in his truck and showed him a shotgun (uncle Buck-esque) and mentioned how the thing could "dot an i from 300 yards" - pretty funny stuff. Anyway, Kalen came into the house...stood by the couch for about 10 seconds as he was being introduced to us. After we shook hands, he leaned back by the couch to pat Jake, the 1 year old male poodle. No more than 5 seconds later, Jake was humping the crap out of poor Kalen's arm. Now, I'm not gonna explicitly say what happened, but moments later, Kalen went and washed his hands as the rest of us laughed until we cried...funniest thing I've ever seen. And that was Wednesday.
Thursday was "let's find the biggest hicks in Florida" day. WE went to an airboat tour place that also had an "animal sanctuary" which was like "some fenced-in-areas with exotic animals in them." We paid 8 bucks to get in and we got to see tons of alligators, feed some fish, see panthers, crocs, sea turtles, and the coolest animals in the world....deer! That part was gay, but there was also an alligator wrestler. This guy first let us hold the littler gators, which smelled awful, but felt really cool. Then he went on and drug "George" out of the pool that he seemed awfully content laying in. George was a 9 ft. gator, apparently about 350 pounds, and an alligator, thus making our wrangler an idiot. Anyway, the guy showed us how the cool thing about gators is that if anything touches their tongues, they shut their jaws with insane power. He tossed a really really small pebble into its' mouth at one point and it sure did snap - pretty cool. Anyway, he did that ridiculously stupid stuff like goign chin-to-chin with the gator and putting his arms out. He also showed us that he had had a few fingers almost bitten off...which one might think, would inspire him to stop putting his hands in alligators mouths, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, the best part about this was that one of the few other people who were watchign this asked how big gators get. The guy responded with "i've seen a 16 footer, and i know it was 16 feet because we were in a 16 foot canoe. Me and my buddy were out Gigging Frogs -" and my heart stopped. Someone out there really does gig frogs. I froze. I couldn't believe it. This guy was that much of a redneck that him and his "buddy" go out into the swamp to stab frogs with tridents...what does one say in respond to this? Nothing, was my response, i was completely speechless. So that was the highlight of that day.
Friday and Saturday we just hung out, nothing too interesting, we laid by the pool and watched basketball...I'm really tired, and i wanna post about basketball, but it's gonna have to wait til tomorrow or the next day, since no b-ball is going on for the next few days.
so as always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Dear Loyal Reader(s),
for what it's worth, I'm not surprised about the conference tourney shake-ups. Aside from that, UConn's still gonn win it all.
However, the real reason I'm addressing you is to say that I'm on spring break, I'll be in Naples, Florida for the remainder of the week, so I most likely will not be posting. Needless to say, I'll be ready for the tourney come Thursday, but aside from that, nothing going on other than hangin out.
So wish me luck, and as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!
However, the real reason I'm addressing you is to say that I'm on spring break, I'll be in Naples, Florida for the remainder of the week, so I most likely will not be posting. Needless to say, I'll be ready for the tourney come Thursday, but aside from that, nothing going on other than hangin out.
So wish me luck, and as always, go Browns, Cavs and Tribe!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
If I were a gambling man...
If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on Gonzaga's opponent to cover the double digit spread every time. This team just cannot play a consistent game against a shitty opponent. Despite winning 18 straight, I really think they probably have questionable momentum heading into the tourney, where they'll probably get stuck with a 2 seed - much to their chagrin.
If I were a gambling man, I'd watch UNC with a serious Stink-Eye. These guys are hot. Major threat in the tourney, as a likely 3 seed, they could be the ones to knock off afore-mentioned Gonzaga.
If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on the Royals to cover their 63.5 win total this season, because a group of professional baseball players should not be able to lose 99 games in a season.
If I were a gambling man, I'd bet a lot of highly ranked teams to lose in conference tourneys. Every year, at least 1 or 2 top 15 teams lose their conference tourneys sine they're shoo-ins for the Dance.
If I were a gambling man, I wouldn't bet on the US to win the WBC. Nothin more to it, I just don't think they'll win.
If I were a gambling man, I'd make sure to get in a tourney pool because those are the best wastes of money on the entire planet.
And Finally, if I were a gambling man, I'd end up owing money to a guy named Shawn, who would wear a pair of lace up shin-length boots and excruciatingly tight pants - generally shirtless as well. Furthermore, he would be a man of moderately small stature, and he'd present himself to me with a musical interlude with words like "I'm just a sexy boy..." Of course, my only defense at this point would be waiting for someone to shatter a piece of glass nearby and i come storming right up to Shawn, kick him in the stomach, and finish him off with A STONE COLD STUNNER!!!
Anyway, I might have gotten carried away with that last part, but as always, go Cavs (4 in a row), go Browns, and go Tribe!
If I were a gambling man, I'd watch UNC with a serious Stink-Eye. These guys are hot. Major threat in the tourney, as a likely 3 seed, they could be the ones to knock off afore-mentioned Gonzaga.
If I were a gambling man, I'd bet on the Royals to cover their 63.5 win total this season, because a group of professional baseball players should not be able to lose 99 games in a season.
If I were a gambling man, I'd bet a lot of highly ranked teams to lose in conference tourneys. Every year, at least 1 or 2 top 15 teams lose their conference tourneys sine they're shoo-ins for the Dance.
If I were a gambling man, I wouldn't bet on the US to win the WBC. Nothin more to it, I just don't think they'll win.
If I were a gambling man, I'd make sure to get in a tourney pool because those are the best wastes of money on the entire planet.
And Finally, if I were a gambling man, I'd end up owing money to a guy named Shawn, who would wear a pair of lace up shin-length boots and excruciatingly tight pants - generally shirtless as well. Furthermore, he would be a man of moderately small stature, and he'd present himself to me with a musical interlude with words like "I'm just a sexy boy..." Of course, my only defense at this point would be waiting for someone to shatter a piece of glass nearby and i come storming right up to Shawn, kick him in the stomach, and finish him off with A STONE COLD STUNNER!!!
Anyway, I might have gotten carried away with that last part, but as always, go Cavs (4 in a row), go Browns, and go Tribe!
Monday, March 06, 2006
Million Dollar Idea...
...which will make me no money at all, in fact, it'll cost me. Here's the idea: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt should make a sex tape and sell copies for like $20 apiece. Is there anyone in the world who would not buy a copy of this? Man or woman? no, of course not, not a single person in the world can resist either of these two.
Hell, even if this thing is only 5 minutes long (even though I assume Brad Pitt has infinite sexual stamina due to his mythical...well, everything) that would be worth $20 to me. Furthermore, if this thing went to theaters somehow - albeit exclusively adult theaters - this would rival Titanic as far as box office income is concerned, there's no question about it. Someone needs to alert them about this sure-fire moneymaker.
Really, the only question about it is...which one of them are you thinking about when you're masturbating to this movie?
Hell, even if this thing is only 5 minutes long (even though I assume Brad Pitt has infinite sexual stamina due to his mythical...well, everything) that would be worth $20 to me. Furthermore, if this thing went to theaters somehow - albeit exclusively adult theaters - this would rival Titanic as far as box office income is concerned, there's no question about it. Someone needs to alert them about this sure-fire moneymaker.
Really, the only question about it is...which one of them are you thinking about when you're masturbating to this movie?
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Everyone's gonna hate me for this one
There are plenty of good rivalries in sports, there's no doubt about that. A pretty good amount of these rivalries are the sort that you love 1 team and hate the other, which is what makes a good rivalry. I think you probably see where this is going... Here's the thing, Duke/UNC is hands-down the best rivalry in college basketball, which puts it high in the running for best rivalry period. And I don't hate either team. I remember about 5 years ago rooting for UNC just because they were hot and I didn't really like Shane Battier's groovy head. Then like 2 years ago when UNC won at Duke in a last second scramble for the ball, I think the score might have been 80-77, but I was pulling for Duke hard that game. Last year I was all for Duke because I hate(d) Sean May. Dean Smith, Roy Williams, That other Guy who coached NC...Matt Doherty? I have no idea, that was the first name that came to mind, anyway, those are all excellent coaches, and on the other side is Coach K. Needless to say, that guy is an incredible college basketball coach. The team philosophy he's put into place over the last 20 years is absolutely outstanding - no doubt about it. Similarly, Williams has done one hell of a job with UNC after losing all those douches from last year.
That said, I was rooting for Duke this game from the start. Granted that I wanted NC to come back a little when they were down big early, but I just wanted a good game. So it was close for a while, and I was happy, and Tyler Hansbrough and Shelden Williams going back and forth was probably the coolest thing I've seen in basketball in a while. Furthermore, JJ really is chokin on it lately, zoiks. I gotta support him since he's been so good for all this time, but at the same time...he's chokin on it hard. But anyway, the game started to get out of hand in NC's favor, Nelson hits a couple big threes, split up by the crazy falling down act of Melchionni (who is a douche, by the way) who managed to get an assist in the midst of that whole fiasco. Anyway, it got close, NC won, and I was a little disappointed. However, and here's the part that's gonna piss people off, it was nice to see NC win given the circumstances. The reasons are as follows: not to be a dick, but they hadn't won in a while, so it was good to see them get one again. Next is that they were the underdog, and who doesn't love a good underdog? Next is that I just wish Coach K would learn that DeMarcus Nelson should be starting over The Human Turnover* Greg Paulus. That guy sucks so badly. There was a point in this game where I said aloud "This asshole is gonna go down and turn it over and UNC's gonna get the momentum and score" or something to that effect. No more than 12 seconds later, Paulus traveled...douche. There were other times that I was thinking it, and it happened, but those don't count since I can't prove it.
Anyway, bottom line is that Paulus is a fag, I don't like Melchionni, and I'm still a bit bitter that Paulus didn't go to Notre Dame to play football, but I still wanted Duke to win I guess.
But yeah, I'm really glad it was a good game, but I can't promise that I'll be rooting for Duke again next year, since Paulus will be anchoring the team from the guard position.
I'm tired, so as always, Go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
*= The Human Turnover nickname was borrowed from Pat McDonald's days on the West Geauga basketball team.
That said, I was rooting for Duke this game from the start. Granted that I wanted NC to come back a little when they were down big early, but I just wanted a good game. So it was close for a while, and I was happy, and Tyler Hansbrough and Shelden Williams going back and forth was probably the coolest thing I've seen in basketball in a while. Furthermore, JJ really is chokin on it lately, zoiks. I gotta support him since he's been so good for all this time, but at the same time...he's chokin on it hard. But anyway, the game started to get out of hand in NC's favor, Nelson hits a couple big threes, split up by the crazy falling down act of Melchionni (who is a douche, by the way) who managed to get an assist in the midst of that whole fiasco. Anyway, it got close, NC won, and I was a little disappointed. However, and here's the part that's gonna piss people off, it was nice to see NC win given the circumstances. The reasons are as follows: not to be a dick, but they hadn't won in a while, so it was good to see them get one again. Next is that they were the underdog, and who doesn't love a good underdog? Next is that I just wish Coach K would learn that DeMarcus Nelson should be starting over The Human Turnover* Greg Paulus. That guy sucks so badly. There was a point in this game where I said aloud "This asshole is gonna go down and turn it over and UNC's gonna get the momentum and score" or something to that effect. No more than 12 seconds later, Paulus traveled...douche. There were other times that I was thinking it, and it happened, but those don't count since I can't prove it.
Anyway, bottom line is that Paulus is a fag, I don't like Melchionni, and I'm still a bit bitter that Paulus didn't go to Notre Dame to play football, but I still wanted Duke to win I guess.
But yeah, I'm really glad it was a good game, but I can't promise that I'll be rooting for Duke again next year, since Paulus will be anchoring the team from the guard position.
I'm tired, so as always, Go Browns, Tribe, and Cavs!
*= The Human Turnover nickname was borrowed from Pat McDonald's days on the West Geauga basketball team.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Cavs ended the skid!
I'll cover more than that, but that's where we start today. As we speak, I'm talking to Ryan about the finish of last night's game. First, they suck and completely blew a huge lead, that was piss-poor. Second, they didn't completely blow it since they ended up winning, and that's where this thing's gonna get interesting. Roughly 20 seconds left and Bron drives, draws like 40 defenders and flicks to Anderson Varejao for a 10 footer, during which Andy gets fouled. Needless to say, 4th quarter = 2 bricked FTs. Cavs stay down 2. At this point, Reggie Miller says that LeBron needs to be more selfish and go for it in these situations...take note of that because roughly 10 seconds later, the clock is ticking down inside 10 and Bron is bringing it up the court with the Cavs down 2. He starts to drive, draws a double team in a crowded lane and kicks to Flip Murray for the wide open 3 in the corner. Net. 3. Win. p.s. fuck you Reggie Miller, I hate you. As Joe Lubelski's away message read after the game "Fuck Reggie Miller, that's why you never won a championship you selfish asshole." and so on.
Here's the nay-sayer's point of view, and by "nay-sayer" I mean "Ryan's argument." The argument is that LeBron really should man up and want the ball in his hands come crunch-time. Furthermore, his track record shows that he is 4-21 in his career with game-tying or winning shots in the final seconds. While that does deserve note, I think it's important to realize that Bron is merely 21 years old...at which point MJ (God, whatever you wanna call him), had yet to play in an NBA game, let alone be the "youngest player to..." do everything in NBA history - and yes, that was nearly a direct quote from our conversation. Furthermore, I have no problem with him passing to an open 3 (even if Flip woulda missed it) instead of forcing up a terrible shot in traffic and solidifying the loss. Ryan went on to say that it's not so much that he has a bad track record in these situations, it's more that it doesn't seem like he wants to take the shot anymore...which is debatable. However, since I have no way of contacting Bron on the subject, I think that's pretty much up for grabs.
Anyway, Duke choked hard vs. FSU. Redick has been playing like he did against Jensen in the game we played in the driveway last week (see Home Kicks Ass post...that is, scroll down). I manned up on Morrison that game, or else I, myself would take credit in shutting down JJ. But anyway, Memphis lost last night, which is just as well because I've never seen this team in my life. In fact, I don't think they exist - this is an ESPN/NCAA conspiracy that has been put in place just to try to shake things up a bit - and ya know what? it's working. The Dragons of UAB needed the lift of "beating the #3 team in the country" - very clever, I think. Everyone wants to see Dragons in the tourney, and they just needed a few strings pulled, that's all. Anyway, I'm just killing time here, uhh, I really got nothin else, I'll post again in a few days, and I promise, it'll be way funnier than this shit-show.
oh yeah, the Tribe started yesterday and beat the Astros...that's cool, Ronnie Belliard homered, which means that he's on pace to hit 162 in the regular season - not counting the 28 exhibition games (and he might be in the WBC, I don't know). It also means that the Tribe is on pace to win 162 regular season games, pretty sweet there.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
editor's note, by time of publication, I'm pretty sure the Tribe has already lost today to those same Houston Astros, but I'm way too lazy to check.
Here's the nay-sayer's point of view, and by "nay-sayer" I mean "Ryan's argument." The argument is that LeBron really should man up and want the ball in his hands come crunch-time. Furthermore, his track record shows that he is 4-21 in his career with game-tying or winning shots in the final seconds. While that does deserve note, I think it's important to realize that Bron is merely 21 years old...at which point MJ (God, whatever you wanna call him), had yet to play in an NBA game, let alone be the "youngest player to..." do everything in NBA history - and yes, that was nearly a direct quote from our conversation. Furthermore, I have no problem with him passing to an open 3 (even if Flip woulda missed it) instead of forcing up a terrible shot in traffic and solidifying the loss. Ryan went on to say that it's not so much that he has a bad track record in these situations, it's more that it doesn't seem like he wants to take the shot anymore...which is debatable. However, since I have no way of contacting Bron on the subject, I think that's pretty much up for grabs.
Anyway, Duke choked hard vs. FSU. Redick has been playing like he did against Jensen in the game we played in the driveway last week (see Home Kicks Ass post...that is, scroll down). I manned up on Morrison that game, or else I, myself would take credit in shutting down JJ. But anyway, Memphis lost last night, which is just as well because I've never seen this team in my life. In fact, I don't think they exist - this is an ESPN/NCAA conspiracy that has been put in place just to try to shake things up a bit - and ya know what? it's working. The Dragons of UAB needed the lift of "beating the #3 team in the country" - very clever, I think. Everyone wants to see Dragons in the tourney, and they just needed a few strings pulled, that's all. Anyway, I'm just killing time here, uhh, I really got nothin else, I'll post again in a few days, and I promise, it'll be way funnier than this shit-show.
oh yeah, the Tribe started yesterday and beat the Astros...that's cool, Ronnie Belliard homered, which means that he's on pace to hit 162 in the regular season - not counting the 28 exhibition games (and he might be in the WBC, I don't know). It also means that the Tribe is on pace to win 162 regular season games, pretty sweet there.
As always, go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
editor's note, by time of publication, I'm pretty sure the Tribe has already lost today to those same Houston Astros, but I'm way too lazy to check.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Good Post: See for yourself
Well, C.C. Sabathia gave up his spot on the US World Baseball Classic team. I can't say that that's a terrible move considering he said he's behind on his throwing. Chances are that I'd do the same thing if I really felt like that was the real case. Either way, he'll kick ass for the Tribe come April 2.
The NFL completely screwed up the bargaining agreement...which means the Browns are in super-duper good shape. 21 mil under the cap? hells yeah. Rumors galore, I gotta report what I just saw on ESPN. Apparently Warrick Dunn, Derrick Brooks, Kerry Collins, Chad Pennington, Simeon Rice, Priest Holmes and plenty of others are prospective cuts. And as of right now, STephen Davis, Mike Anderson, Rod Smart, Trevor Pryce, Jeb Putzier (probably got JACKED UP!! on the way out of Denver) Sam Adams, and Lawyer Milloy have all been cut. The Browns have plenty of room and plenty of money...I'm hoping to see some solid players coming to the Cleveland area.
Speaking of the Browns, they re-signed the big O, Orpheus Roye to lock it down on the d-line next year. According to prosportsdaily we're in the works to lock up L.J. Shelton for a couple more, which is fine by me. Not to mention the fact that we did the do with Andra during the season, which was probably the best thing in the history of the Browns defense since Clay Mathews. In other news, I'm pretty sure that a betting pool will be out soon questioning how or when Kellen Winslow Jr. will injure himself for the remainder of the season. My bet is a torn rotator cuff from shaking the Boggle cube to get new letters...most likely between week 2 and 3. This is like Clue with all of the possibilities!
Aside from that, I'll update soon with more college basketball, but I need some dinner.
As always, Go Tribe, Cavs, and Browns!
The NFL completely screwed up the bargaining agreement...which means the Browns are in super-duper good shape. 21 mil under the cap? hells yeah. Rumors galore, I gotta report what I just saw on ESPN. Apparently Warrick Dunn, Derrick Brooks, Kerry Collins, Chad Pennington, Simeon Rice, Priest Holmes and plenty of others are prospective cuts. And as of right now, STephen Davis, Mike Anderson, Rod Smart, Trevor Pryce, Jeb Putzier (probably got JACKED UP!! on the way out of Denver) Sam Adams, and Lawyer Milloy have all been cut. The Browns have plenty of room and plenty of money...I'm hoping to see some solid players coming to the Cleveland area.
Speaking of the Browns, they re-signed the big O, Orpheus Roye to lock it down on the d-line next year. According to prosportsdaily we're in the works to lock up L.J. Shelton for a couple more, which is fine by me. Not to mention the fact that we did the do with Andra during the season, which was probably the best thing in the history of the Browns defense since Clay Mathews. In other news, I'm pretty sure that a betting pool will be out soon questioning how or when Kellen Winslow Jr. will injure himself for the remainder of the season. My bet is a torn rotator cuff from shaking the Boggle cube to get new letters...most likely between week 2 and 3. This is like Clue with all of the possibilities!
Aside from that, I'll update soon with more college basketball, but I need some dinner.
As always, Go Tribe, Cavs, and Browns!
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